Gottabestrong Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 Great post movingon! I am gonna go back to reading this a lot until I am ready to move on from my breakup. Thank you for posting this!
shahjahan Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 Thank you! Loveshack is a blessing, because it makes us realise that our story is not unique... that breakups are commonplace, happen to everyone, and are simply inevitable, unless we're into arranged marriages or sth like that. We try our best, it doesn't work, we try again, it doesn't work, but the experiences we accumulate make us better persons. There is simply no way of getting through life without some pain. And I believe it's almost always worth loving, even though it may hurt afterwards. I am getting through this now, I have been dumped by someone I loved dearly, but it is clear to me now that it simply was not meant to be. So better now, than in 20 years. 1) Yes, I miss him terribly, but that doesn't mean we would be happy together. It's simply wanting what I cannot have. Did I really want it so much when I still had it? Maybe it wasn't love, just lust after all? 2) It's been a month, and it hasn't got much better. Still have insomnia, still dream about him. Yet, it doesn't mean being with him would be the cure. It's just brain chemistry, and it will go away. 3) Of course it hurts to see him move on and be happy without me. It's just a sign I should do the same, and I will feel even better. 4) yes, there is no fast cure. 5) trying to understand and analyze every single detail of the relationship only exacerbates the pain. The reality is as it is and it's not as bad as it seems. 6) yes, i do crave contact with him, yet it will never be the same, so why contact him at all? just to get hurt even more? 7) deleting the number - this prevents from drunk-dialling! 8) Say he reconsiders. Would I really want him back? Would I really be able to trust him again? Or would I just be afraid he'd dump me another time? If he's not sure, he probably has a point, it would not work, and it's no point going back just to get temporary relief and harmony for a very short time. And, if it's meant to be, it will happen anyway. 9) Yes, he did say he misses me and needs to know I am around. But that's not helping me. He dumped me, he screwed up. It will take time to forgive, and only then can we be friends again. 10) the sticker method - good idea to have a pretext to treat yourself to sth! 11) NC is NC. And better this way. 12) True. Would you like it if someone was with you just to get over somebody else? "I'm mad at myself that I ever wasted a single tear on my ex." - this is so true... caring about them is wasting your time. They didn't care about your feelings enough, so don't let them live rent-free in your head.
brokengirl3 Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 hello thanks for your post!im one of those sad people who someone did not appreciate their love and found someone else!im weak and ill at the moment but i have to move one and i will one day!
ItsTricky Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 So that's what I did (though with many slip ups - especially with #11) . The first year after we broke up was absolute hell and I didn't know how I would get through it. At the beginning I did all the wrong things - including emailing my ex to tell him i was going to kill myself and it was all his fault (i know, i know, not my proudest moment), but I eventually pulled myself together and got over him. I'm now married to the most amazing man I've ever met, and frankly I'm mad at myself that I ever wasted a single tear on my ex.hi movingon12, i'm curious to know how you transitioned from telling him you were going to kill yourself via email to realizing you could let him go. i feel like our stories are similar except that, unfortunately, (based on ur other thread) i am more like ur ex-husband without the multiple girlfriends, and the marriage (i'm 29yo) trying to get back in touch with my ex. was curious on your perspective.
Author movingon12 Posted December 21, 2012 Author Posted December 21, 2012 hi movingon12, i'm curious to know how you transitioned from telling him you were going to kill yourself via email to realizing you could let him go. I would say: 1) months of NC to get the break up out of my head and 2) lots of socialising with new friends to realise I could actually have fun again. In fact, I could have more fun than when I was with him. i feel like our stories are similar except that, unfortunately, (based on ur other thread) i am more like ur ex-husband without the multiple girlfriends, and the marriage (i'm 29yo) trying to get back in touch with my ex. was curious on your perspective.You mean you cheated, she left and now you want her back? If so, I can't really give you much advice. Don't wait 18 months before you try to get her back. Don't go in with a 'hey lets be friends' before revealing in a drunken offensive rant that actually you were trying to get back together. You can't apologise too much. Explain why you did what you did, and why you realised it was wrong. But honestly, there's no guarantee that she'd take you back. Trust, once it's gone, is very, very hard to get back.
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