Eternal Sunshine Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 (edited) Holly f... I have 16 of the below signs ----------------------------- 1. I experience anxiety around occasions like birthdays, Valentine’s, Christmas, meeting people etc because of what someone who I’m involved with might think that it means. 2. I make arrangements and then worry about whether I can back out of them or start coming up with possible excuses for why I won’t make it and even checking cancellation policies. 3. I’m always dating, rarely in a relationship. I just haven’t met the right person yet. Things just don’t work out! 4. I find it difficult to make and stick to a decision. 5. I often date several people at a time. 6. I’ve tended to be interested or involved with people who are emotionally unavailable. 7. I’ve not wanted an ex but have felt panicked about them moving on. 8. When I end a relationship, I don’t like the door to be closed in case I change my mind. 9. I’ve done No Contact with someone and then broken it because I couldn’t bear the idea of not speaking to them again or me not being around to reap the benefit if they decided to change. 10. I often spend hours or even days flip flapping back and forth about whether I will attend a social gathering. 11. I’ve gone back to the same relationship many times. 12. I have stood up friends or romantic partners on occasion. 13. I’ve been involved with someone who was attached or had other obstacles that prevented them being fully available and then when they left their partner (or said they would), or the obstacles were removed, I got panicky/lost interest. 14. I have disappeared on a partner when it’s felt ‘too much’. 15. When I experience any feelings that make me uncomfortable, I shut them down/block them out. 16. I‘ve ended a relationship for what felt like very valid reasons and then panicked about whether it was right or them moving on, and made contact with them/tried to get back together only for me to then realise that my original reasons still stood. 17. I tend to get involved with people who live very far away or online relationships. 18. On more than one occasion I have had to tell someone I’ve been dating that I’m not ready for a relationship. 19. I don’t have time for a relationship because I have The Busiest Job In The World [or whatever obstacle you blame it on]. 20. I’ve experienced a painful breakup and started to get my life back together and then felt panicked about focusing on me so sought out my ex. Edited November 20, 2012 by Eternal Sunshine
MrCastle Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 I have a few of those. I'd say I'm pretty anti-commitment at this stage in my life. The majority of people in my college are in LTRs. I'm just not understanding this. I try to get inside their head and understand their thought process when I ask them about why they do it. I try my best to be respectful of their answers, but I'm just not getting it. You're young, you have your whole life to settle down. Why are you not out there having harmless fun? No petty arguments, no ups and downs, no commitment problems like cancelling a night out with friends because your bf wants to do something etc etc. Have safe, no strings attached sex and enjoy it while it lasts. I'm looking at these relationships and it's clear the majority of them are not working out for these people. Maybe they're scared to call it quits? I don't know, but being tied down in your 20's is a real head scratcher to me. The whole idea to me is just beyond foreign.
LittlePrince Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 For how many of you does none of the above apply to you? None of the 20 apply to me.
phineas Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 Yeah, none of these apply to me. Which is good because some people say I have commitment issues because I refuse to re-marry & not interested in living with anyone. I just want to date & don't want to even begin to think about where it's going for at least a yr. However, I've wasted more time than I care to admit on a co-worker who has pretty much exhibited everything on that list over the yrs that i've known her. Her I genuinely believe has some issues so I do not harbor ill-will towards her, I just basically disregard her. However, funny thing, a few yrs back I met a few other woman who showed behavior from that list & it's very strange but, when I lost weight & got in shape they seemed to be magically cured at roughly the same time. It must of been some kind of miraculous coincidence.
iris219 Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 I can say yes to seven, but I don't really see how it means I'm commitment resistant. I answered yes to 6, 7, 8, 9, 11, 16, and 20 because I used to be afraid of being alone. I couldn't stand the idea of not being in a committed relationship, so I'd go back to an ex who was wrong for me. I'm way more scared of NOT finding someone to have a relationship with than making a commitment.
colombiana28 Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 lol...every single one of those describe me...totally serious.
Emilia Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 About 5 or 6 apply in that they happened to me. Usually a clash between what I'd rather do and what I think I ought to be doing rather than commitment issues.
carhill Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 Some of my partners did turn out to be emotionally unavailable but it wasn't apparent in the early stages of attachment. That's about the only one I can identify with. I can state that I'm often surprised and somewhat confused by the 'crazy' period some people go through during the attachment phase, meaning the 'falling in love' process, when we grow closer emotionally over time. My experience generally has been the polar opposite. Based on the criteria offered, it appears I'm not very commitment resistant.
TheBigQuestion Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 9 and 18 are the only ones that apply to me. I guess that means I'm down with commitment. Woohoo. 1
Lonely Ronin Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 The only two I can claim to have experienced are 1 & 7.
dasein Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 I don't know, but being tied down in your 20's is a real head scratcher to me. The whole idea to me is just beyond foreign. Was exactly like you in my 20s, not seeking for the LTR, but if it came around, fine. This left me in my 30s with a very dreggy dating pool. I think lots of the quality women out there want a definite marriage plan in place in their 20s. It's the compulsive partiers thrill seekers, serial monogamists who end up killing all their relationships with insecurity, etc. who are left after that for the most part. Not saying it's wrong to be free in the 20s, just that there may be tradeoffs in the dating pool after. Hopefully your experience will be different than mine. Only a couple 3 of the list factors apply to me.
Negative Nancy Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 So men constantly tell women that their "prime" is in their 20s and that it's their own fault for being old used up hags in their 30s if they don't settle down soon enough, yet here's 2 men "scratching their heads" at women thinking about commitment. Men make no sense, I swear. 1
Anela Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 2. I make arrangements and then worry about whether I can back out of them or start coming up with possible excuses for why I won’t make it and even checking cancellation policies. 3. I’m always dating, rarely in a relationship. I just haven’t met the right person yet. Things just don’t work out! (I don't really date, either. I'm hesitant to commit to a date, for various reasons). 4. I find it difficult to make and stick to a decision. 6. I’ve tended to be interested or involved with people who are emotionally unavailable. (Once.) 7. I’ve not wanted an ex but have felt panicked about them moving on. 9. I’ve done No Contact with someone and then broken it because I couldn’t bear the idea of not speaking to them again or me not being around to reap the benefit if they decided to change. {Sort of. I wanted an apology, but it wasn't going to happen. I also hated to cut people off, but I now see the benefit. Especially when he fell in love with someone who "saved" him, but he kept telling me that I didn't need that sort of thing.) 10. I often spend hours or even days flip flapping back and forth about whether I will attend a social gathering. 12. I have stood up friends or romantic partners on occasion. 15. When I experience any feelings that make me uncomfortable, I shut them down/block them out. (Sometimes. If I can, I'll avoid and deal with them later, otherwise they're overwhelming.) 17. I tend to get involved with people who live very far away or online relationships. (Yes! Trying to change this.) I mentioned the ones that apply to me, in the quote above. There are things that I will commit to right away, and I used to be much better about it. Now, I'm so scattered, that I have trouble making decisions. I think if someone came along who made me feel comfortable, I would have no problems with commitment, but I don't even like to commit to a date, because of my state of mind right now. I'd rather get to know someone, and see what I feel first, but that isn't always a good thing, either.
Lonely Ronin Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 So men constantly tell women that their "prime" is in their 20s and that it's their own fault for being old used up hags in their 30s if they don't settle down soon enough, yet here's 2 men "scratching their heads" at women thinking about commitment. Men make no sense, I swear. WTF NN, are you incapable of differentiating between a man, and the Manbabies that infest LS?
FitChick Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 Relieved that I only have three on that list and I think one doesn't really count, #17-- I've had better luck dating people I met online who lived far away so I'm sticking to it! Uncharacteristically, #6 and #9 are operating big time now with one particular guy and it's bugging me. I am watching myself and saying, "What the hell are you doing?" I think he is triggering a past relationship I never fully grieved over. So it will be a definite process to get rid of the crap from that and get centered again. 1
MrCastle Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 So men constantly tell women that their "prime" is in their 20s and that it's their own fault for being old used up hags in their 30s if they don't settle down soon enough, yet here's 2 men "scratching their heads" at women thinking about commitment. Men make no sense, I swear. You'd be interested to know that men are actually individuals with differing beliefs. The only thing we share in common is our reproductive equipment. Sorry if you thought we were all the same. Anyway, I stand by my initial post. If you're in your 20's and in a LTR, you're messing up.
Titania22 Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 Thanks ES, None of those things often apply to me, so I guess I am not commitment resistant, no matter how eternally single I am. I never would have guessed.
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