BelieveInGoodThings Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 A little background ... The love of my life left me after 3 years together. We broke up beginning of July but were going to take some time apart for a break. We stayed living together the whole time. ( separate rooms). The previous few months were up and down as I was depressed and fairly disconnected. He said I was no longer the woman he fell in live with. This was somewhat true which made it worse. I was medicated for depression during this time apart and the meds reacted very badly with me but I thought I was just handling things poorly. In this time we moved to another city together as I honestly thought we would work it out. Things got quite intense as I was pretty much going crazy from the meds. I moved out in October. He said we just need space and that if we find our way back together then it was meant to be. The day I left I asked him not to give up on me and he said he didn't hate me, he was just mad at me. (For the way I had been handling things). I went to the dr the week i left as I thought I was losing it and that is when I found out it was the meds. I am also now in counselling to deal with things. My councillor thought it would be good for me to tell him about the medications effects. I emailed him an apology and and explanation. He did respond the next morning and it was positive. (Considering we have basically no contact since I left). He said he was happy I was feeling better and took responsibility for some of the things he did during our break that made it very difficult for me. He also said I was a good person and the world deserved to have that. He said to remember that I am loved and that I do have friends. And for me to be good as we are friends as well. My concern is he just telling me this to let me down easy or does it soundalike with time we may be able to have a second chance? We are both in our 30's and did love each other very much. I am at a loss as I just want hi backs in my life. Any thought or advice?
itsmyfault Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 I don't really know what to say? If it was the mediation causing all the issues, and you are now sorted, then I cannot see why you shouldnt give it another shot. But remember this, If you are struggling with depression, its easy to let a relationship to bring you down, I know from experiences with my Ex. She would pick at stuff in her mind, keep it bottled up, It kept eating away. Then one day she would just breakdown. I would work on getting to a good place within yourself first. As he said, If you are meant to be, you will be. The effects of depression spread far and wide within a relationship, I know being the person watching my ex, Controlled by it, I found it very difficult to understand and how to help her through it. This is why I believe Depression is something you have to over come on your own. (with help, but ultimately, no one else can cure you)
Author BelieveInGoodThings Posted November 22, 2012 Author Posted November 22, 2012 Thank you so much for your point of view. It truly means a lot. I realize I need to help myself, and I am, but I will continue on for sure. I know it won't be a healthy relationship with anyone, let alone him, if I don't. My concern is if I have damaged it beyond help. Time will tell I guess.
KatZee Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 He said he was happy I was feeling better and took responsibility for some of the things he did during our break that made it very difficult for me. He also said I was a good person and the world deserved to have that. He said to remember that I am loved and that I do have friends. And for me to be good as we are friends as well. I don't get a second chance vibe with what he said here, unfortunately. I do think he cares for you, but for whatever reasons he no longer feels happy in the relationship with you. I don't think it's possible for someone to be just "friends" with someone they are in love with, so for him to now refer to you as a "friend" shows me that those romantic feelings are gone. I think he's trying to keep things positive and to ease the hurt of the split.
confused 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 First, good on you for taking steps towards making your life better! That is important and commendable - I know firsthand that going to counselling is not easy. But, I have to agree with KatZee about not getting a strong 2nd chance vibe... I am somewhat in the same situation, my bf and I broke up and I still felt like our relationship could work, but he does not. We talked last night after 2.5 months of no contact, and he basically said the exact same thing to me that your bf did: He said "The world is a better place for you being in it, and you deserve all the happiness in the world..." And he also really does want to be friends, because we are able to enjoy each other's company. Even though I would like to give it another try, my bf has not made any moves to do so, and although I would truly like to believe that because he still thinks I'm a good person there is a second chance... the reality is, if he wanted a second chance he would be making steps towards it. You are both adults, so be completely honest with your bf and tell him you feel there is an opportunity for a second chance because you are making steps to get better. If he feels the same way, he will let you know. If he is unsure then give him the space to make that decision on his own. I was honest in my last email with my bf, and told him I still had feelings for him and that I wasn't convinced our relationship was doomed. He obviously doesn't feel the same way, but at least I have said my peace and done all I can do. The hard realization I'm coping with is that sometimes a relationship can be over for one person and not the other. And it really sucks to be the person who wants to get back together. But you never know unless you try.
Author BelieveInGoodThings Posted November 25, 2012 Author Posted November 25, 2012 He texted me last night at 10:30 to tell me to call him today as he has mail for me. That is the first contact we've had since the above mentioned email. I am trying not to read into it but he is usually out if he isn't away working. And he could've texted me today to let me know. But I am not holding my breath. I have plans today so it would be a good day for me to get the mail. (I look good and wouldn't be able to stay long...lol).
Author BelieveInGoodThings Posted November 26, 2012 Author Posted November 26, 2012 So it went well when I saw him today. He brought up one of our camping trips, offered to help me move and talked about an event he wants to go to next week....then said I should go to it as well. Any thoughts on this or is it still just me being hopeful?
Treasa Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 As someone who has been in your EXACT situation, I'm much more concerned with the fact that you're worrying more about getting him back than you are about getting to a good place with yourself. To me this suggests that he is number one, and you are number two. Sorry, but you should be number one AT ALL TIMES. Regardless of whether or not you should have hope, I think you should mentally reject any plans of getting back together with him until you are happy without him. At that time, and only at that time, will you make a good partner and be able to correctly judge what kind of partner he is. It's easy to say, "Well, I'm working on myself, and if he wants me back then I'll be happy and be able to work on myself even more, etc." but it's a lie. As soon as we get them back, they become responsible for our happiness again. Please trust me on this...until YOU are responsible for your own happiness, and no longer care if he wants you back or not, you'll be at his mercy. And when you're truly happy with yourself, you won't be asking if others think there is a second chance opportunity. It won't matter. He'll beg for you back if he wants to be with you, and the power will be yours to decide. Right now HE has the power, and that's not right. 1
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