OCCDAVE Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 Well first of the dreaded holidays are coming up fast .Im debating on working or spending it with my family.I feel depressed gonna be odd having to sit there for the first time in 4 years and not see my wife .i keep trying to smile and block her out and can't instead I find my life losing sleep and crying
Exit Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 Yeah, you won't be the only one. I got dumped around this time last year and then went through Thanksgiving, Xmas, and New Year's alone, and here they come again. I'll be glad when it's over. 2
NYC-BigKat Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 Yeah, you won't be the only one. I got dumped around this time last year and then went through Thanksgiving, Xmas, and New Year's alone, and here they come again. I'll be glad when it's over. I love love thanksgiving & cant wait 'cause I love eating alot . But I dont really care to see everybody that's gonna be at my aunt's house. I wonder if my uncle is gonna be excluded again ?
Author OCCDAVE Posted November 20, 2012 Author Posted November 20, 2012 Yeah, you won't be the only one. I got dumped around this time last year and then went through Thanksgiving, Xmas, and New Year's alone, and here they come again. I'll be glad when it's over.plus her b day just passed so its like the 4 headed string of gloom lol.Sigh Just been tough year and I don't see myself getting any better.Just crazy how much can happen last year we are getting ready for holidays this year shes dropped a kid,newly married and left me in the dust
Author OCCDAVE Posted November 21, 2012 Author Posted November 21, 2012 I think this regret inside of me is gonna eat me alive
bpdr Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 Well first of the dreaded holidays are coming up fast .Im debating on working or spending it with my family.I feel depressed gonna be odd having to sit there for the first time in 4 years and not see my wife .i keep trying to smile and block her out and can't instead I find my life losing sleep and crying I'm with ya. What I did was write down a list of the sh***y things my W did around the Holidays -- and TRY to remind myself of her acting out and disruptions that affected me negatively. On the other hand -- I am considering a road trip. It might be nice to gather up an overnight bag and hit the road sightseeing for a couple of days!
Author OCCDAVE Posted November 21, 2012 Author Posted November 21, 2012 I'm like you then i think of all she has done and I say to myself I should be in rage now not sad.I also maybe considered a road trip heck maybe just get out of here and clear my head . 1
bpdr Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 I'm like you then i think of all she has done and I say to myself I should be in rage now not sad.I also maybe considered a road trip heck maybe just get out of here and clear my head . Look OCCDAVE -- We cannot change these people. We can only change what we do from here on out, OR change our perspective on it. I know I have tried both - and it still hurt's damned bad. Either way, we ARE going to move beyond it. We have to.... These people are not worth the LIFE they suck out of us, emotionally or physically. Think back to all the crapola you have been through!? Would YOU wish THAT on your own worst enemy? Probably not. So, why PUNISH yourself? My point being, I am already well on my way of getting beyond my W and all of her crazy psychotic bouts of trying to destroy me. No longer am I being held prisoner to the "Love" or "Dream" I once held so dear.... That person I knew -- for all intents and purpose's ----> IS GONE. The one that has replaced her, isn't anyone I KNOW. So, goes the change of "Perspective" on the identity side of it. It's healthier for me to view her in this way. She simply does NOT exist in the way I once remember. ah yes...a road trip. Something new, different and refreshing. I can't have this marriage demon crouching on my back always?! Can you? It's OVER! ....and so it is - I have "Kicked her to the curb" (I wish a boot party was in store j/k) -- But truth be told - our mind is holding us hostage here. WE have to get over the fact these girls were not deserving of us. They betrayed that trust - and in doing so, deserve EVERY OUNCE of Karma they have coming. I don't wish bad things on anybody - but MY EX can suck it. She's a straight pile of S**t!!! THAT resembles nothing of the woman I cherished, treasured and honored in my vows. That person I knew - is sadly lost in the abyss. Nowhere near I resemble as found. They are no longer with us - THAT'S the way I see it now. Good luck to you OCCDave - I know you are hurting. So the F**K am I.... But, we are better off now. We have to remember that. BP 1
Author OCCDAVE Posted November 21, 2012 Author Posted November 21, 2012 Hey bp if you don't mind me asking what happen with you and your ex.How long have you been coping cause seems you are alot farther in the process then me.Thanks again for all the advice 1
bpdr Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 Hey bp if you don't mind me asking what happen with you and your ex.How long have you been coping cause seems you are alot farther in the process then me.Thanks again for all the advice Thanks for asking OCCDave. My journey through HELL started in September. No, scratch that -- it actually started when I married the B**CH in 2010. My anxiety and depression kicked into high gear AFTER the anger calmed down around mid October. Since then, I have wanted to seek treatment and/or meds to help. But, I want to feel what this C**T put me through so I don't EVER FORGET IT. Maybe next time - I will heed the RED FLAGS!! God, how I wish I had a time machine to go back - and reverse my decisions. No use in crying over spillt' milk. What's done is done - and my D will be final in JANUARY. My perspective is clear now. She sucks....and I do not want her around me ever again. She's destructive, angry and quite frankly a person I do NOT KNOW. Oh sure, she TRIES to maintain contact with me, based solely on the purpose of extracting money for alimony....of which I send religiously to be DONE with her. Farther along you say? Nope. I'm hurting...bad. My anxiety wakes me up at 3am EVERY goddamned morning. I'm lucky if I get 3-4 hours of sleep a night!? How messed up is that?! My days are measured in "Grief Spurt's" with constant bombardment of memories and things we had planned together. My appetite disappeared for the better half of two months -- but I went from 210lbs to Buck.75 quick -- like three weeks. Let me ask you this?? WHO IS WORTH THAT? Last time I checked - she was only requesting more "Comforts" for her..and how I was obligated to taking care of her, even after kicking it with the OM. Really? That's some BS right there - and I know she had it planned already before she left - as she had checked out emotionally MONTHS prior, but never filled me in on her plan. F**K her. POS in the true meaning of the word. On one level - I did harbor resentment and became less the "Doting" husband showering her with flowers and gifts - after she began treating me so badly. I grew tired of it...and my instinct was telling me stuff I didn't wanna believe. Such a fool was I. Worse yet - I didn't see the trainwreck coming. It was out of the blue..but that I believe was because she had already committed to the OM. My bad for NOT reading it. But, it has costs me two houses, and hundred's of thousands of dollars, and MAYBE my business too. Was it worth it? HELL NO. Am I happy about it?? Aw man, I am devastated. I fear, I may NEVER trust like that again. My pain is enormous, and all so unnecessary. We lost a baby during all of this - and I have NO DOUBT this all started because of it. Either way, I am finished being the knucklehead. She owns it, and I'm just riding it out until January. Beyond that - she's gonna feel the pain because her meal ticket is gone. Let her OM notch it up and take care of her for a change. I saw DUDE, and he's a PISS POOR IMAGE of me!! That ain't no SH*T neither. Not even close to me in many respects INCLUDING monetary. We shall see what happens once the court date get's nearer - holidays are done and DUDE ain't got a pot to piss in' or one to throw it out of' She's F**KED ----> and she knows it. That's her problem now. Not mine. She's his problem -- and he can have her. I don't want her back anyways. YOU and I BOTH deserve a woman "WORTHY" of our affections..... and...to that end...we shall get there buddy... TRUST ME. BP 2
Author OCCDAVE Posted November 21, 2012 Author Posted November 21, 2012 Seems my drama is like yours hell after we left the court house after being married we got into a huge fight lol.Looking back like your ex there are so many red flags the biggest in my case would be lack of sex.This was maybe a year before she dropped the bomb .Id get the whole stomach hurts,I'm sick or it's not you it's me ugh looking back I bet she was already cheating .Sorry you lost a kid I always wanted one but she wasnt able to have them or so I thought.She sat me down few days before dropping the bomb said she wanted to start a family and would seek help going go the doctor .week or so later she admits to cheating and last month I did fb snooping and bam there the kid and her.shes also married.i tried dating again but like you seems I'm on the edge and paranoid sigh.only thing I've done to this point was maintain nc since feb 10th yippie :-/
Gofsttrnlft Posted November 23, 2012 Posted November 23, 2012 I am sorry for the way you are feeling because of what you have been through. I am just getting started after catching my wife and my so called best friend together. With that being said, I do find the way you express yourself very entertaining and helpful at the same time!! I can already see from your words what is coming. Thank you for taking the time to vent, or from my point of view helping and giving me a brief smile... I wish the both you and the op the best!
Author OCCDAVE Posted November 23, 2012 Author Posted November 23, 2012 Well this was an interesting thanksgiving .i finished eating then went to see a friend I won't bs I tend to not go around his house cause he lives few houses down from my ex wife :-/ .anyway I see her truck in the driveway and guess my mind got the better of me .I started to walk but on the other side I won't lie I was gonna break nc even though I knew her husband was gonna be there talk about dumb.I then see her get out put the kid in the truck and drive off no sign of him.Im not proud I did what I did cause after I called private no answer .Not that it matters but is it odd her husband wasnt with her on a holiday .Anyway I'm embaressed of what I did :-/
Author OCCDAVE Posted November 24, 2012 Author Posted November 24, 2012 Seems like there isn't a night I don't go to bed crying ugh I really need to snap out of this I've already had one nervous breakdown
bpdr Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 I am sorry for the way you are feeling because of what you have been through. I am just getting started after catching my wife and my so called best friend together. With that being said, I do find the way you express yourself very entertaining and helpful at the same time!! I can already see from your words what is coming. Thank you for taking the time to vent, or from my point of view helping and giving me a brief smile... I wish the both you and the op the best! No problem Gofsttrnlft - You gotta vent on stuff like this. It's all so unnecessary when you actually step back and look at the big picture. Way I see it - she's got a dude now that was willing to screw a married woman! She's the severely jealous type too - so we have a match made in hell! It's only a matter of time before it explodes in their face. Not mine. I'm out. When you think about it - it's actually a blessing. I know it's hard to view it this way - and in that context, but it is absolutely true. I mean really - who wants a W like that anyways? Cheating is a cheap sordid affair, and the guilt it wreaks is on them. Not us. Remember that. 1
bpdr Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 Seems like there isn't a night I don't go to bed crying ugh I really need to snap out of this I've already had one nervous breakdown Gotta stop that man. I know - it's easier said than done, but keep your cool. The pit in my stomach is SLOWLY burning less and less everyday. It's just a matter of "Father time" - this crap can't beat us down forever! C'mon now!! I've been NC since the start - and my STBXW is still sending crap like: "I love and miss you and I just want to let you know that" CRAP! Really? Go lay that horsecrap on your new guy already... I just ignore her. She's not worth it anymore. Good riddance I say.
Author OCCDAVE Posted November 25, 2012 Author Posted November 25, 2012 Hey bp I'm not trying to play the pity card but is it common for the dumper to have it better then the dumpee after a break up.Reason I ask from whàt I have heard/seen shes living the good life while my year which is about to wrap up has been hell .Thats why I always think karma or maybe regret is holding me down and makes me think I pushed her away?
bpdr Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 (edited) Hey bp I'm not trying to play the pity card but is it common for the dumper to have it better then the dumpee after a break up.Reason I ask from whàt I have heard/seen shes living the good life while my year which is about to wrap up has been hell .Thats why I always think karma or maybe regret is holding me down and makes me think I pushed her away? You have to change your perspective! C'mon! now... I read somewhere here on LS that some dude was placing his "Predictions" and faith into some "Astrologer" forecasting BS. Really? ------> oh Wow! THAT MY FRIEND IS SOOOOOOOOOOO PREDICTABLE. I laughed. Look man -- this sh**t's HARD ----> BUT NOT THAT HARD. Our mind is at play here. Our emotions override conventional thinking. Our wisdom is LOST upon finding out we have a WW. My take now is, and has been since the start, that it is INDEED her loss. Not mine. Mindgames will screw you over. Do NOT let her do that to you. Her motives were suspect from the very beginning and you know as well as I do -- this has nothing to do with karma. She will get hers eventually - I can assure you that. But in the meantime - the ONLY thing holding us back is OUR MINDS. Remember that. Now, as for the "Dumpee vs. Dumper" mentality - I can say with absolute certainty - SHE called the shots here. That's ok. Remember, just because your ex burped out a baby - and is married to the OM - HER LIFE is GOING to have issues. You know why? Because SHE emotionally checked out with you. She is with dude now. POS affair that produced a child. How sickening is THAT? I ask you?? Poor child is caught up - and doesn't even know it yet. It might last a year - maybe two....but WHO CARES NOW? It's done. Time to move on. All I can say, is that these girls F**cked us over. They know it. And IF they have conscience or not matters very little to us now. The fact they stepped out on their marriage speaks VOLUMES to the character trust issues they themselves are held accountable to. Can you imagine doing such a thing to your SO and somehow trying to justify it? Hell no. But, they can. Very easily. It's all harbored and filed under the excuse of: "Well, I was an unhappy wife" or "He wasn't meeting my emotional needs"! HA! THAT's HOGWASH! Your VOWS should have meant SOMETHING? ----> RIGHT? Oh gosh! VOWS?? Jeez! ----> Did I REALLY SAY THOSE WHEN I DID THAT??? "Pffftt....my bad" POS girls like that can suck it. I say. WHO needs that crapola anyways? MOVE ON now. They cannot be worth one more minute of our time - much less a freakin'; year! I SAY! BP Edited November 26, 2012 by bpdr 1
Author OCCDAVE Posted November 26, 2012 Author Posted November 26, 2012 Not gonna lie that burp out a baby comment had me laughing lol.I agree mind games are not gonna help me at all just need to keep looking forward .Hell on the bright side I recently turned 29 so why cry over someone almost 40 lolThanks again for everyone who has helped 1
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