danielmichael Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 So long story short.. I was the "other man" with my current girlfriend. After the truth was exposed, she went back and tried to repair things with her ex boyfriend. I waited.. tried to move on, but never really moved on. After they split, she came back and we started talking again. She was still living with him, so there was a veil of secrecy.. couldnt text, couldnt hang out. Once they split for good.. own places.. we started dating. Of course things have not been easy... found out the first month and half she was still hanging out with the ex and lying to me about. I really don't like being lied too.. but we made it past that. After we became "official" she told her best friend, who happened to be male and good friends with her ex boyfriend. He freaked. Its been 3 or 4 months now and he refuses to meet me.. says horrible things about us being together, and is generally a pain in my arse. They have their little hang outs and I stay out of it.. try to be the bigger man. Things blew up recently however. My girlfriend was going out on the town with her friends (Its been 4 months and no introductions to friends while shes been exposed to my life) and I suggested that it would be fun for me to come out. She said it was a bad idea.. actually sent me a list of reasons I shouldn't come haha.. 1 of them being that this friend was going to be there and she didn't want to make it awkward for him. Also another guy friend was there and she just assumed he probably had problems with me as well. We fought.. I don't like others comfort being put in-front of our relationship.. but got over it. Then she tells me that shes getting drunk and staying the night with these two guys. All her girlfriends are staying at other places. Well I grew a back bone..asked why she couldn't take a cab home.. or not drink much and drive. Every option was a fight. she accused me of not trusting her.. (We may have slight trust issues.. but for the most part I do trust her but it can be hard when she tries to hide me away) So I suggested she do as she like, but if she thought that was cool then i could tell she'd have no problems with me drinking and staying at a girls house I knew. That ended it.. and she decided that the best option was to just not go (not my intentions, her choice). Of course now the guy friend is even more annoyed by me. She says that shes told her guy friend that he has to accept us and deal with it.. but I know shes very apologetic to him about us being together. He hates my guts because he sees me as a horrible person who stole his friends girlfriend (even though he and her have been friends forever) and keeps saying that he hopes we fail. My girlfriend asks me what she should do.. and I had been suggesting patience but its evident this guy hates me. he even told her that he would be asking me some tough questions/ insulting if she forces him to meet me. I feel like I have to maintain a fine balance of giving her room/ trusting her..and constantly reminding her that I don't like the way she treats me. I get that shes put herself in a crappy situation with her friend by pursuing this relationship even when its obvious that there are pressures not too.. but at the same time I don't want to accept everything either. Anyone have to deal with their girlfriends long term male friend hating their guts and trying to sabotage things? how to do you deal with that?
phineas Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 dude. seriously? GET OFF THE DRAMA TRAIN! I wouldn't be surprised if she was sleeping with the friend also. Why the hell would you want to be with a cheater? She cheated with you, she will cheat on you. 5
Author danielmichael Posted November 20, 2012 Author Posted November 20, 2012 dude. seriously? GET OFF THE DRAMA TRAIN! I wouldn't be surprised if she was sleeping with the friend also. Why the hell would you want to be with a cheater? She cheated with you, she will cheat on you. Yes I know.. it is ridiculous. In fairness.. I chose to get involved with her in the first place so if she cheats on me its likely Karma. That being said, I'm trying to find a way to make it all work. 1
dasein Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 (edited) OK, so just so we get what's important out there, 1. your GF is a cheater, cheated on her ex with you, continued this for some time. 2. her best friend, who knows she cheated with you, is still friends with her as are other guys, and hates you. 3. She constantly tests you with all like and manner of drama BS. Well what a keeper you have found. Let me guess, she's -really- hot, right? Keeps a circle of male adulants around at all times waiting for their chance. Can't find any reason at all why you shouldn't trust this woman implicitly. Wise up man, and clean up your own act too. You pass right by your own role in cheating and sneaking around and then go into much detail about... a bunch of irrelevant minutiae and drama. Get shed and move on to better options, hopefully ones not involved when you meet them. Good luck. Edited November 20, 2012 by dasein 1
Author danielmichael Posted November 20, 2012 Author Posted November 20, 2012 OK, so just so we get what's important out there, 1. your GF is a cheater, cheated on her ex with you, continued this for some time. 2. her best friend, who knows she cheated with you, is still friends with her as are other guys, and hates you. 3. She constantly tests you with all like and manner of drama BS. Well what a keeper you have found. Let me guess, she's -really- hot, right? Keeps a circle of male adulants around at all times waiting for their chance. Can't find any reason at all why you shouldn't trust this woman implicitly. Wise up man, and clean up your own act too. You pass right by your own role in cheating and sneaking around and then go into much detail about... a bunch of irrelevant minutiae and drama. Get shed and move on to better options, hopefully ones not involved when you meet them. Good luck. I didn't pass by my own role in it.. I said it happened, and owned up to it. I'm now in a relationship with someone that I choose to be with.. and yes she does cause unnecessary drama by being an idiot at times. However, I have to say most people in the world are imperfect and sometimes you have to accept the dangers of getting involved with someone. I'm not say I'm naive, or am not prepared to walk away if necessary but right now I have chosen to stick it out and see where it goes. That's why I'm on here.. looking for advice on how to deal with a male friend who hates your guts. If you have some advice on that subject I'd be glad to listen.
todreaminblue Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 Like your girlfriend said he has to learn to deal with it....if he cant deal with it and continues to sabotage yours and her relationship he is not really a friend to your girlfriend at all....the relationship takes precedence and i think your girlfriend asked for your advice she values your input and has shown that the friend doesnt come first....all is as it should be.... you might have started the relationship in a less than ideal set of circumstances the fact is your relationship is now progressing, and if your girlfriend is happy the friend should be happy for her if he isnt.....he has the issue and he shouldnt be placing that issue in your girlfriends way of happiness....its not considerate or in line with the idea of a mutually beneficial friendship...best wishes...deb
LittlePrince Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 You should be your girlfriend's male friend. She shouldn't have any other. If she does then she is hedging her bets and will use him to cheat.
somedude81 Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 First of all, this thread should be called, "When your girlfriends ex does not like you?" The answer is Fu*k him, why the hell should you care what he thinks. Why the hell is she hanging out with her ex in the first place? Tell her it's you or him. And be prepared to walk.
LittlePrince Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 First of all, this thread should be called, "When your girlfriends ex does not like you?" The answer is Fu*k him, why the hell should you care what he thinks. Why the hell is she hanging out with her ex in the first place? Tell her it's you or him. And be prepared to walk. Unless you want to share her holes with other men. That's a fetish for some. Cuckolding I believe.
RogerWallace111 Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 Options: ~ Tell her she has to straighten the situation out with him or stop hanging out with him. ~ Insist that you are gonna hang out with her friends if she wants to be with you, and when you meet this f*ckin b*tch, straighten him out with a mixture of level-headedness, unexpected kindness, and confidence. ~ Beat him the f*ck up. Circumstances of the relationship aside, an attractive girl whose closest friends are male = not easy/good dating material. Usually they're just dependent on the guys for reassurance, and the guys like them around just cause theyre female and attractive. No matter how long theyve known eachother. Unless it's a suuuper sibling-like friendship. Go with option 2
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