volentia Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 (edited) When you have been dating/flirting for a short while , it's important to understand that love does not flourish under constant warmth and generosity. on the contrary, we all know how some people can chill our bones through too much love. if you are in love and sense the other is not, then you must use some cunning especially if you are a nice type to make someone fall in love you first must create a need in the other. it's nothing to do with physical attractivenes, or even money. Today's women have their own money. They like their independence. so how do you create a need? to quote francesco alberoni~ No one can fall in love if he is even partially satisfied with who is is or what he has, the experience of falling in love originates in an extreme depression, an inability to to find something he values in everyday life. the symptom of the predisposition to fall in love is not the conscious desire to do so, the intense desire to enrich our lives; it is the profound sense of being worthless and of having nothing that is valuable an the shame of not having it...for this reason falling in love occurs more frequently among young people, since they are profoundly uncertain, unsure of their worth, and often ashamed of themselves. the same thing applies to people of other ages when they loose something in their lives_ when their youth ends or when they start to grow old. One of my friends is a model, young and beautiful, she is dating a handsome footballer, he is in love with her, but she is not in love with him...I can sure tell. he gives her everything she wants. treats her like a queen, she moans about other guys chasing her that she is fed up with the same old thing too. too much adoration makes for a living hell. But no one has ever made her fall in love because she has not yet felt any discontent/anxiety. if said footballer, for a change, would use some form of criticsm, accurate ones....sandwhiched in his warmth and generosity for instance, she would feel off balance. she would begin to feel the cupids arrow which stings like a bee but nevertheless, makes them feel a lack, an ache. so Aim for their weak spot. I'll will update this thread with some examples laters Edited November 19, 2012 by volentia spelling
plainjane79 Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 When you have been dating/flirting for a short while , it's important to understand that love does not flourish under constant warmth and generosity. on the contrary, we all know how some people can chill our bones through too much love. if you are in love and sense the other is not, then you must use some cunning especially if you are a nice type to make someone fall in love you first must create a need in the other. it's nothing to do with physical attractivenes, or even money. Today's women have their own money. They like their independence. so how do you create a need? to quote francesco alberoni~ No one can fall in love if he is even partially satisfied with who is is or what he has, the experience of falling in love originates in an extreme depression, an inability to to find something he values in everyday life. the symptom of the predisposition to fall in love is not the conscious desire to do so, the intense desire to enrich our lives; it is the profound sense of being worthless and of having nothing that is valuable an the shame of not having it...for this reason falling in love occurs more frequently among young people, since they are profoundly uncertain, unsure of their worth, and often ashamed of themselves. the same thing applies to people of other ages when they loose something in their lives_ when their youth ends or when they start to grow old. One of my friends is a model, young and beautiful, she is dating a handsome footballer, he is in love with her, but she is not in love with him...I can sure tell. he gives her everything she wants. treats her like a queen, she moans about other guys chasing her that she is fed up with the same old thing too. too much adoration makes for a living hell. But no one has ever made her fall in love because she has not yet felt any discontent/anxiety. if said footballer, for a change, would use some form of criticsm, accurate ones....sandwhiched in his warmth and generosity for instance, she would feel off balance. she would begin to feel the cupids arrow which stings like a bee but nevertheless, makes them feel a lack, an ache. so Aim for their weak spot. I'll will update this thread with some examples laters I don't consider that love, at all. I have longed for someone who kept me off balance mentally in my younger years, and I would trade all of that for the slow, comfortable burn of my couple of long-term relationships. I don't think healthy individuals need to feel off balance to fall in love. 3
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 So is this where stuff like "negging" comes in? 1
dasein Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 OP, you are describing "limerence," which is profound infatuation containing an element of uncertainty. I agree it's powerful stuff to understand when building on female attraction and understanding one's own formation of attraction. Limerence - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 No one that's emotionally healthy wants to feel uncertain and off balance. 4
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 No one that's emotionally healthy wants to feel uncertain and off balance. Especially when those feelings have been "created" on purpose by somebody who wants to have the upper hand with you.
newmoon Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 it sounds like mind games, but to answer your question... you create a need by not fulfilling every need someone has, imo. a guy who does everything for a girl (or vice-versa) will quickly get taken for granted because things are done for the person way too often. it's best to give 'just enough' to make someone really like you and maintain interest and want those things to happen again, but not go overboard, which it sounds like the guy is doing for this girl 1
LittlePrince Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 Can't create a need where there is none.
Negative Nancy Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 No one that's emotionally healthy wants to feel uncertain and off balance. Pretty ironic coming from you.
AlexDP Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 So is this where stuff like "negging" comes in? I suppose. There is one thing I do agree with that OP might have intended: even if you're madly in love with a person, you criticize her when she's doing something wrong. If you don't and show no backbone, the love will end soon. But this is completely the opposite of keeping her "off balance". I am sure my girlfriend knows that I love her. And I'm fine with that. I know she loves me and we show we love each other. There is no need to create an emotional addiction whatsoever.
Divasu Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 So basically, footballer has to lower her self esteem by criticising her... She will end up mistrusting him and his intentions. She will forever look at him as the guy who hurt her. It may create an emotional attachment of sorts, but not a good one. I wouldn't say he is in love with her, but rather, he is in love with the idea of having power over her.
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