hello

[misty514]

Hello everybody,

Before I get ststred just a little background on me. I am 43 yrs old, been on my own w/o parents since Im 18. Worked traveled the world extensivly pursuing a masters in childhood sceince edu, had a couple longterm relationships, however never been married or have kids.

Here's my story, after a 8yr relationship ended, I took about 1-2 yrs off the dating scene and consentrated on me. While out in NJ 3years ago I met a man. I was not looking for anything serious and he was not either. He was in a relationship at that time but could tell he was not happy. After hanging out all summer long and really spending many nights just talking and spending time together before long he ended his relationship with the other and we were exclusive. Also, he had been married previously to a woman whom he had a son, but they had been separated for 3 yrs by the time we met.

 

Now as time has gone on, we are still together, and he is also still legally married to his ex wife. When we first met he told me he was still legally married but he express his wanting to be divorced because he had never met anyone like me before and wanted to finalize things. Well 3 yrs later still wating. His son and I have an amazing relationship, we are all in a pretty happy place. His son spends weekends with us and summers as well. And as far as our reltaionship goes we are solid, but this elephant in the room needs to be addressed.

 

I do bring up the fact that he should get moving w/ regards to the divorce from time to time, but he says we dont really have the extra loot for that, which by the way we were almost homeless with nothing since we had both lost our jobs and been unemployed for 2 yrs, we made it through that ok and besides struggling fiancially we have no other real problems.

 

Now this weekend it was my birthday, so we had some plans to go out. My boyfriend seemed a little down, but nothing new since he stresses everyday about this or that. So I continued with my day and hoped the bad mood would end. Well later that night I just wanted some intimacy and he refused saying he was not in the mood and it created a argument. So I voiced my opinion and then called it a night. Next morning he was acting cold, this too is a reoccuring theme, every so often he acts quite distant, not sure why but he does, so I went about my morning and just waited for him to snap out of it. Well this went on all day yesterday. When we finally went out to eat I asked him whats the matter, he said nothing. So as we went about eating dinner we started talking about his divorce being finalized, he said of course I want to finish this already, we just dont have the extra funds costs about 500-1000 bucks I said well we should make it a priority, he said you handle the finaces so start saving the loot, I told him that it should be his idea not mine, since you obviously do not want to marry me anyway. He said I never said I did not want to marry you, I just never want to get married again period. Well, that was news to me becuse in the beginning he said if I was not legally married still I would marry you tomorrow, but who knows. Says he loves me all the time, but i TOLD HIM THAT ACTIONS MATTER MORE THAN MERE WORDS. He said I am the best thing that ever happened to him and he has introduced me to his family, me and the ex get along great, so I am not understanding what is really going on here. He seems to get a little angry when I bring these things up and says I know I know, but how am I suppose to feel. He said I was needy...needy why because I want this thing finalize already, he knows it bothers me but seems to do nothing. Then after all that communications break down and then silence. I was going to write him a letter today in the hopes of getting some things out that I could not at the time. It would be a shame to end this sice we really do have a great relationship otherwise.

 

Please help !!

Edited November 25, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[WhatYouWantToHear]

I told him that it should be his idea not mine

 

What a chick thing to say. Not only do you want the outcome, you want the path to the outcome. The reality of the situation is that this is not going to happen unless you make it happen. Granted, that means the above condition isn't going to be met. So you have 2 choices, do all the saving and hard work to make this divorce happen or have him not get divorced. It will not happen on the above condition you set out, just forget that as an option.

 

You want him divorced more than he wants to be divorced. He will go along with the divorce if you do all the work, but he's not going out of his way to make it happen. That's your reality, choose one path--do it or drop it.