Nolongerangry Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 Hi all, This is my first post but I have been reading the threads here for the past months. I must say this forum helped me during one of my darkest moments. I will try to keep my story short. My ex fiance, W, called it quit after a disagreement. It was about getting a marriage licence before I head back to the country (W is working there, we were planning to go to another country after his contract finishes). He flipped cus I was pissed that he didnt get around to asking for the procedures (I had gut feelings earlier that he was not keen and I did ask. But he said he was excited). W didnt have cold feet. He was someone who got excited when I joked about having babies with him. We were a couple of months before getting married on our 10th anniversary. I did the usual embarrassing stuff, pleading and crying. Calling his parents and our friends for help. He refused to communicate with me. He unfriended me on facebook and blocked my emails. Turned off his phone when I called. I did NC for a month and at the same time I went to see a counsellor about my anger management (We thought it was the problem). My counsellor told me to write W a handwritten apology letter. He wrote back and said that the relationship was over and both of us were to blame (He thought it was due to his lack of assertiveness). I started reading all the materials I can find about relationships and male/female psychology. I wanted to know what happened. I realised that our problems were not so unique. Same old problems a lot of inexperienced couples are facing after having been together for a long time (My second serious relationship and his first (We are in our mid 30s)). I wrote him an email to ask him to see my counsellor together to save the relationship or help with my healing. I told him that I found solutions to our real problems. He said again the relationship was over and was reluctant to talk to my shrink for my healing in my presence because he didn't want to communicate with me yet. I assure him that I was not interested in getting into confrontations. I have never felt hatred or anger towards him. He finally said ok. Then I realised that I was kinda forcing him into a situation he was not comfortable in. I postponed the whole thing. I don't know what to do next. Clearly, W doesn't want the relationship now. We had a great relationship. Everyone including our family and friends is shocked. I know he loved me a lot but he can't see past his emotions now. Some friends told me to give him time. It is almost 3 months since the breakup. At least we are kinda communicating now but for my healing process. Any suggestions from the forum would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance. No longer angry
WhatYouWantToHear Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 Move on? The answer's pretty clear. Not what you want to hear or will do, but the answer is clear.
flitzanu Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 he doesn't want to go, and said the relationship is over. that seems pretty clear. you aren't going to force him to go to counseling. 1
Author Nolongerangry Posted November 20, 2012 Author Posted November 20, 2012 Thank you for being direct with me. I need that. I am slowly accepting the situation but is my case a goner?
mammasita Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 I think you have to accept that it's over and move on before there can be hope for any reconciliation.
Author Nolongerangry Posted November 20, 2012 Author Posted November 20, 2012 I think you have to accept that it's over and move on before there can be hope for any reconciliation. Thank you for you reply. I have slowly come to terms with the fact that it is over. I can even talk about the good old times without feeling sad in my email to my ex. Is this considered moving on? He is a very laid-back guy and I don't want to push him too much.
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