Squarenix Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 (edited) Hi guys, newbie here. I am here to vent because i dont know where else to go. English is not my mother language so please bare with me.. I'm 31, living in Indonesia (Jakarta), I got married when i was 23 because exw got pregnant, lasted almost 7 years until she cheated. Well this isnt about my exw, but this is about a woman i met online a couple of months after i ended my marriage. Damn i dont even know where to begin.. Long story short i fall in love with her, it felt so great because at that time i was so insecure about my status as a divorced man (asian culture). She was 31 and single and doesnt have a problem at all with my status, she told me that she wants a guy with father figure etc. When we were talking about past loves i felt that she's hiding something, she told me that before me she has dated 2 or maybe 3 men who is also divorced, i didnt ask anything specific because i put too much trust to her stories because i was so insecure and my mind at that time kept on telling me that i will never find somebody better than her and im also not a jealous type so i just trust her even though i felt there's something wrong. Things like she wont tell me her home phone number, she is an attractive woman and still single at 31 (very uncommon here especially if you're Chinese), first time having sex she didnt want me to wear condom, there's a lot of stuffs she said that just didnt add up, even though i realized it i just let it go and not think about it. The relationship start at October and it was fast and furious, sex was great, in 1 month i rented an apartment so that i can close the location gap with her (she is running her family business selling Snacks right at the apartment block), in 3 months time she already talked about wanting to get married and that we should have an engagement, which we did in June. At April we had a fight, then make up, i borrowed her computer and finds out that she was emailing with a couple of guys from the internet, she even gave one guy her number, i confronted her and she apologized with lots of excuses which eventually translate to "im doing that because you hurt me" blah blah. From the start she was clingy, needy, lack self esteem, over jealous, manipulative, flirt in front of me (goes angry when she caught me innocently looking at other women, but every time i tell her off that she's doing it she just goes defensive and gave me "im just doing it because u started doing it first"), this b1tch is so manipulative that everything she done wrong it will all be my fault. I know something is not right with this woman ( i felt like she's just like my Exw) but i just keep on telling my self to let it go and not think about it, now this is the part i regret the most, i was so blinded in love i constantly ignored my gut that there is something wrong!!.. Basically i put my self to be her doormat, i wont go into details you guys should know what im talking about. Late October im having trouble with her we fight a lot, its like every little things i said to her is wrong and she used it against me. I was having trouble with my business so she came up with the idea that i should move out from the apartment and back to my own place ( she insisted ) masking her intention with "you can save money without having to pay rent", which i agreed. When we were just chatting up in the car i said " i think im gonna miss that apartment, she said she will missed it too, and she's gonna miss the hair on my hand (which she thinks is great) then i said "you're saying that like we are never gonna meet each other" at that time i didnt think much about her comment, couple of days later we had dinner and i was stressed because i have to move out from the apartment which means there will be less intimate interaction with her, i was so stressed out that i once again didnt focus at the things she said to me while comforting me. She said "well you shouldnt stress and just focus on your business and DONT THINK ABOUT OTHER WOMEN....", and again i didnt focus on what she said to me because things were good, we even just had sex. Later that night (saturday) when i drove her off to her house she suddenly asking me things about my Exw cheating, and then she just goes ballistic on me because i said that my marriage ended because it takes 2 to tango, and maybe because i HAD to married to my Exw not because i WANTED to i didnt put enough effort on the marriage and maybe that's why my Exw cheated on me. Sunday morning she called me getting pissed about what i said to her and she wants to BU. And at that time all the pieces starts to make sense to me, she have been planning on breaking up with me all along. Her comment about missing the hair on my hand, her comment about focusing on my business not on other women, insisted me on moving out from the apartment.. I just accused her that she is cheating on me, and that there is another guy, im pretty sure of it (why didnt i listened my gut before i dunno why...). She did deny it, but with no effort what so ever. My heart was gutted to pieces... I was so confused that i started Googling about her personality.. So here is a list of RED FLAGS that i did notice but i didnt act or more likely i just close my eyes to believe. -Daddy issues (i dont know what her father did to her) -She wants a father figure and also love bad boy image . -Serial Cheater and a slut (32, attractive, single, always trying to hide her past love, no condom first time having sex, she even wants me to go anal) -Home phone number (she learned from experience cheating on other exs) -Doesnt like smartphone but she ****1ng knew things on my Blackberry that i dont even know how -No Friends YES i know Im ****1ng stupid. It was lies after lies from the start, and i just went along with her. She made me believe in love again after my Exw cheated on me or maybe i was so insecure and ****3d up. I was mentally abuse and i just take it like a pu$$y. I dont know any of you are getting this story or not, i just vent here because i dont know where else to go.. I still ****1ng miss her, i broke NC about a week ago by text telling her that first i was angry at her and now i just felt pity for her life, she have daddy issues, shes a slut, that it all make sense all those red flags i noticed were coming true, that she should get medical/professional help, and told her to stop ****1ng text me/call me. Which she did after my last text (maybe if u guys want your ex to stop contacting you, you guys can try my way ) The lesson here is i will never EVER put my self to trust any women 100% again, ever!! TRUST MY ****!NG GUT!! and stop thinking with my dick. I lose all hope to women now. Thanks for reading. Edited November 19, 2012 by Squarenix
Author Squarenix Posted November 19, 2012 Author Posted November 19, 2012 How do i deal with this feeling that i'm so angry knowing that im here feeling like a ****ty loser and she's out there banging other guy??? I cant seem to stop my self trying to get in touch with her and ask her something that is bugging me this whole time. I wanted to ask her why she did what she did, why cant she just told me point blank from the start that our relationship should be just about sex and nothing serious? why did she wanted me to marry her if eventually she's gonna cheat on me like what she did to all her exs?? . Why cant she as a person realized and be true to her self that she's a cheater instead of promising me the world when in the end all i get is ****..?? Funny thing is this bitch is a buddhist and always kept telling me about good karma and bad karma. Eventually its all my fault for not trusting my gut
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