gabriel345 Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 Ok, I posted I long thread here goes the recap. He BU with me 3 months ago, long term relationship. I've been doing most of the contact and we've been talking and meeting from time to time, almost every week, once. He had never changed his mind until we had agreed to a date, we had a misunderstanding and we never went. We cleared things up, he said he thought on a normal date and I said that's not what I wanted but a slow try to things. Even with that he asked me out again. Finally we went out a day ago, we had a wonderful time together he also had a great time, he told me and I could see he was enjoying it. At the end of the night he kissed me and after few more I kissed him back. After this he got very confused/distant and told me he missed me and that he would text before I left. Do you guys think he'll actually will contact me? We Do need to talk about this later on but I'm afraid he wont initiate contact and I'll have to do it again. What you guys reckon?
KatZee Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 Yeah, I'm not really sure what you're doing... he dumped you and you continue to initiate contact? Why? You're not even giving him a chance to miss you, you just keep reaching out pressing for "dates." He dumped you. That means... he doesn't want you. He doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. If you keep throwing yourself at him and are intimate with him, he's NOT going to turn it down. He's a guy. You're familiar, he knows you, and sex with you is probably fun. Is he even saying he wants to work it out with you? Wants you to be his girlfriend again? If the answer is "no" to these questions then you gotta stop with the contact. It's kind of obvious that if you stopped reaching out he really wouldn't contact you at all, so you should take that hint. 3
Author gabriel345 Posted November 19, 2012 Author Posted November 19, 2012 Thank you guys for your input. But I must say I let him know clearly what I wanted, HE asked me out after that. HE kissed ME. I dunno and yes, I don't know what I'm doing. I miss him dearly as well but he leads me on because believe me I wouldn't continue if he didn't gave me anything yet he does this. It's our first date after the BU, I didn't push for dates, again, HE asked me out after I told him what I wanted. But no, it's not enough for me. I guess all the flirting and nice behavior it's just mumble. He won't call or explain this. It's not broken what he had, he is. Shame... we did have a great time.
Author gabriel345 Posted November 19, 2012 Author Posted November 19, 2012 That makes sense and it doesn't. How do reconciliation work then? if he has feelings and they "sparked" during the date... isn't that what's supposed to happen? I'm not throwing myself to him but I should've NOT returned the kiss and shouldn't have let him either. But yes the contact thing does make sense. He only does when he's waiting for me, I mean the same day we are supposed to meet. I do need to talk to him about this, he's the only one that actually knows but I want it to come from him. It helped me understand myself this date, I want to be with him but he's still in the power seat and I guess that's addicting as well. Should I confront him once in for all? I will keep waiting, I know myself even if I do NC, I'll be waiting for the supposed txt. A week maybe for that?
Own Worst Enemy Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 you aren't letting him feel that you are gone, or what it would be like without you in his life.
Author gabriel345 Posted November 19, 2012 Author Posted November 19, 2012 Ok, thank you four your input. I hear you but just to clarify and we went one month and a little more no contact. And currently it's pretty LOW contact. We don't talk until the day we meet and we set another for another time. We haven't seen each other much either. I don't think we're suffocating from communication right now, I'm sorry to ask but isn't that a proper amount? He has taken the driver's seat for the date (knowing what I meant) and the whole deal afterwards. I know I let him but how can you blame me? I do love him and well, how do reconciliations work then? And this is an honest question. I know the perfect picture would be him knocking on my door desperately wanting me back but hey, not everybody can have a fairytale. They are actually couples that need more time, patience and work. What if I'm one of those? That's pretty much what I was thinking. I am confused by his behavior/actions and as a result I'm a let down. That's why I'm here, I am sticking for NC but I wanted to know the input of what might be because if it's just another mental game leading to nothing well, I would like to confront him about it for once and walk away because I'll be hurt and running away and hiding behind NC just didn't heal me at the beginning of all this. But what if there is actually something there and I miss it? I already know he's not going to be replaced because everyone that's been special for us won't disappear and can't be substituted, you'll find something just as special yet "different", still never the same. Just want to make sure I'm doing the right thing, I'm ready for either decision but I don't want to look back when I take it whichever it'll be.
Own Worst Enemy Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 If the contact is initiated 50/50, maybe then he is thinking about you and maybe your convoluted reasons for holding on have some justification. If he only ever replies, and you need to be honest with yourself, then you are just chasing him like a melted ice cream around a bowl... I think you should sit back and wait and see how long it takes him to call and what he says.
Author gabriel345 Posted November 19, 2012 Author Posted November 19, 2012 It's more like a 60/40 now leaning towards me. Mostly because I said I would contact him the last few times and haven't waited to see what he does if I don't but still I count them as mine. I'm too tired for sitting around waiting. I've grown comfortable with my life but miss the other one. If it's there or not we'll see but I won't wait much longer. I do hope he calls, I miss him but if he doesn't, well, it's ok but I won't be around this time.
Hopeful714 Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 You've got to be getting sick of this. Quit contacting him. Let him be the one to contact and set up the next date. If he doesn't, do NC and move on. If you do go out on another date go have fun. Be the girl you used to be and the one he originally fell for. Don't act desperate. Don't bring up a bunch of emotional mumbo jumbo trying over analyze everything or the relationship with him on the date. Its too soon for that. Be independent. If he kisses you, kiss him back. When the date is over and you are parting say "well..had a great time...you know where to find me if you would like to see me again" and go home...ALONE. Don't call him. If he calls you to go out keep up the fun and the independent new you. You will know if he is still interested. Be careful of when you decide to hop back in the sack with him. Somewhere in the last paragraph a talk needs to occur. Hopefully before you have sex again. But don't get your hopes up.... he broke up with you for a reason. And if you haven't identified/fixed the problem , or he/you cant solve it or whatever....it ain't gonna work. At that point quit calling otherwise you will REALLY look desperate at that point and loose your self esteem along with your ex....twice!
Author gabriel345 Posted November 20, 2012 Author Posted November 20, 2012 Update. So he contacted me through fb. I didn't answer him for a while and then i played hard to get, seemed to back fire on me because the conversation never went anywhere. I ended it within 10min of it starting and he never spoke of what happened or anything really, just to ask what I was doing and that sort of things. Actually, he didn't spoke much after I left him waiting a bit. He said he was busy and in a short amount of time after I stopped talking to him, he left. This morning he was on again but we didn't talk since I only stayed for a few minutes. I do have to point out he hasn't been logging in since we BU. I know it's nothing to be freaked about because well, I agreed on letting it flow and I'm maintaining my part of doing absolutely nothing. Yet I dunno if he agreed to the same, he did ask me out and all but he hasn't actually said he has. Does that mean anything or is it ok for my situation since he contacted me, etc? Just wish we could've had a proper conversation about what happened but it's ok for the time being since I'm agreeing to slow things but I need to know if he's in for that with me, like literally say it because we can still misjudge some of his actions when in reality they're nothing. I don't want to wait for a misconception. And yes, I'm sick of the mental game but well, we're actually talking now so it's my part that's wrong in that area if this is going to work I have to chill out and that's why I'm here . Instead of going around thinking and almost contact him I come here and let it out. Clarifying, No sex between us. He stole kisses from me and I returned one. It was a bombshell and he freaked I guess, he said he would contact me on phone but I think that's now out of the picture since he "spoke"to me on fb.
Author gabriel345 Posted November 20, 2012 Author Posted November 20, 2012 I asked him if he was busy and he told me he was so I said that we should talk later then. *
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