shorelight Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 (edited) Okay here's the deal. BTW, I'm new here. Nice to meet all of you! There's this girl, I met her in class last year in the winter semester, we got along almost instantly and we really enjoyed each others company. We got each others number but never hung out outside of school (she insisted once to hang out outside of school but it never happened) Now, here it comes. She's married. She's 22 years of age and got married at the age of 18. I stopped talking to her for about a year, until just 2 weeks ago. I messaged her on FB saying Hi and that I lost her number. She texted me 2 days after and we began to talk, we caught up and joked and laughed like old times. We saw each other once afterward and had a great time. Her friends were around and so it wasn't just us two. Right now, she's having relationship problems with her husband, she moved out of his place and got her own place. She says that they will get a divorce by January if it doesn't work out. She says she loves him a lot (this is her FIRST love BTW) which usually never works out...but of course I can't just tell her that. Also with her Husband, she says he never pays attention to her and that he doesn't really care about her, he doesn't give up anything for her... that he judges her way too much, she made the decision to leave their place and get her own to be apart. But she still seems like she loves him that much she can't let go! I confessed to her that I liked her and she didn't specifically say she didn't like me, she just said she feels bad ? may as well say she didn't.. she goes on about how I'm a great friend and that she still wants to continue to be my friend. I told her that I will like her even more as time goes on and she said shes okay with it on her part but its unfair for me so it's my decision. She then says oh it sucks to be me and I'll be sad, ect ect. Now of course I just instantly was like... well obv shes trying to be nice!! but we've only talked for about 2 weeks so our friendship isn't even that strong. My second guess is shes using me just to get out all her emotions on me, like a frigin doormat to soak up all her tears! See, so you would automatically think, she's using your ass son!! But she always asks me questions like, what do I think of her and that shes really worried if I think about her badly. The time we hung out she was kinda acting wild with her friends and apologized like three times for it afterwards saying that she hopes my opinion of her doesn't change and when I said no, she said "oh thats such a big relief!" pretty much she said some other things but its usually her worrying about how I think of her or if I get good vibez from her? She also asks me questions like "oh when will we play boardgames together?" pretty much wanting to see me.. idk im so confused. Is she using me? Is she just wanting to be friends first? Using me as back up in case her and her Husband doesn't work out? I really don't know what to do. Take the friendship and hope it turns into something more? Or just straight out ditch her ass? Anyway... please help! Thank you so much. Edited November 19, 2012 by shorelight More Info
xdahliax Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 I wouldn't consider her to be using you. She's confused. It is not your place, however, to be trying to tear their relationship apart. You shouldn't have told her how you feel and she shouldn't be discussing her marriage problems with you. You both have already crossed a very important line, in my opinion. She made a commitment before her husband, family, friends, and God to be with her husband forever. The fact that you are introducing yourself into her relationship is a dishonour to all of those involved. It doesn't matter if it's going well or if it's going badly, you could be harming chances that it all gets resolved. And then what? You barely even know the girl. What if you realize after a few weeks spent with her that you really don't like her as much as you thought you did? This is all just so wrong and selfish.
Author shorelight Posted November 19, 2012 Author Posted November 19, 2012 hi. thanks for your reply. I probably forgot to mention that, I agree completely with what you just said. in fact, I asked her myself if she would be angry if I stopped talking to her, she said no. so I said well I'm going to stop talking to you now, when she asked why... I told her she wouldn't understand, she kept pressing me so I told her the exact same things. I said it was selfish of me esp when she was still trying to work things out with her husband and that it wouldn't be right. that's when the whole sucks to be me and I'll be sad thing came in. she kept insisting for us to keep talking... which brings me to believe why? what is the reason? and I kept saying I'm going to like you more... and she didn't care even with her situation... so yes xda. I agree with you and that was the same reason why I told her I was going to stop talking to her but she wouldn't have it. sorry for grammatical error, I am on my phone. thanks again for the reply! where do I go from here?
xdahliax Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 hi. thanks for your reply. I probably forgot to mention that, I agree completely with what you just said. in fact, I asked her myself if she would be angry if I stopped talking to her, she said no. so I said well I'm going to stop talking to you now, when she asked why... I told her she wouldn't understand, she kept pressing me so I told her the exact same things. I said it was selfish of me esp when she was still trying to work things out with her husband and that it wouldn't be right. that's when the whole sucks to be me and I'll be sad thing came in. she kept insisting for us to keep talking... which brings me to believe why? what is the reason? and I kept saying I'm going to like you more... and she didn't care even with her situation... so yes xda. I agree with you and that was the same reason why I told her I was going to stop talking to her but she wouldn't have it. sorry for grammatical error, I am on my phone. thanks again for the reply! where do I go from here? I think that you should stop speaking to her, because you know what's best and she doesn't. You should also stop speaking to her for your own good because you don't want to be one of the reasons, even if smaller than the others, that she got a divorce. If you two are meant to have a go, she'll get a divorce regardless of if you speak to her or not and she will contact you when the time is right.
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