EmptyinNV Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 (Quick Summary: Husband (34) of 4 years, 6 years together told me one night that he wants a divorce, he never loved me, We have a 4 year old son and there was no infidelity, I looked, I asked, I trust.) My now ex husband is currently away for his work (he's in the military) our divorce was finalized earlier this month. I haven't reached out to him for contact, I don't let him know that I love him still or anything like that. I'm making plans for my future and life beyond this marriage. He knows that I only agreed to divorce out because he agreed to all of my requests, and that at the end of the day, I love him enough to let him go. Last week after a week of 0 contact he called me and said " I know we're divorced now, but if we can afford it, will you fly out here for my graduation? We'll drive back home together." We still live together, the weekend before he left he slept in our bed, he came to tell me goodbye when he was heading out to make the drive too. I haven't decided if I'm going to roll the dice and go out there to support him at his graduation, or be in a car with him for 18 hours. He's been contacting me more often, today we talked for an hour and a half about him being out there, and he did all the talking. It was nice, but I'm guarded. My heart tells me to go, my intuition tells me to go out there as well. My heart is still open to making us work, but I'm guarded with my heart. Anyways, thanks for reading this. I'm praying maybe this distance has helped him think more clearly, I know it has me thinking more clearly.
Yasuandio Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 Listen, your husband didn't want to be married to you anymore - so he divorced you. Just like that. it's over.If you are still pining for him, you will get hurt if you see him, plain and simple. Unless he is talking about something you are interested in, like reconcilation it appears), you better stay no contact for your own healing process and survival. That's my take. Yas 2
Author EmptyinNV Posted November 19, 2012 Author Posted November 19, 2012 (edited) If I decide to go out there, I do not expect anything. He hasn't mentioned reconciliation, but I don't expect him to mention it. He knows I do not want to be friends with him, as much as I miss his friendship, I just cannot be pals with him. You really should soften your tone, you come across as an a-hole. Just being as bluntly rude as you are. Edited November 19, 2012 by EmptyinNV
aMguilts Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 Hi empty. I`m with yas on this one. Why are you even contemplating going to see him? And 2 wrongs don`t make a right ( You really should soften your tone, you come across as an a-hole. Just being as bluntly rude as you are. ) aM
worldgonewrong Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 You really should soften your tone, you come across as an a-hole. Just being as bluntly rude as you are. Whoa. I didn't get an a-hole or rude tone from that message. She's looking out for you, 's all. 1
Yasuandio Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 (edited) You really should soften your tone, you come across as an a-hole. Just being as bluntly rude as you are. Dear EmptyinNV, I am sorry, my tone could have been softer and I did not mean to come across as an a-hole. I, obviously expressed myself too firmly (for your taste), as I did not want to see you get hurt, and was just trying to help, really. Again, my sincere apologies, Yas Edited November 19, 2012 by Yasuandio Want to make sure it is ok, and not blunt or rude.
Steen719 Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 You really should soften your tone, you come across as an a-hole. Just being as bluntly rude as you are. Not Yas and not her post. She always tries to help. Perhaps you don't like the answer she gave you because that is not what you want to hear, but that is clearly not a reason to say what you did. You asked for help and she gave her time and thoughts to help you. And then, she was gracious enough to apologize when she was just trying to help. Sheezh! 1
KatZee Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 Your ex also said he never loved you. Why are you chasing someone who doesn't even love you and who divorced you without a second thought? Your projecting. You love him so you think you guys can work. Who knows why he's talking to you now, or why he asked you to go to his graduation. Maybe no one else is showing up and he wants someone there. Maybe he wants his son there. But unless he's saying, "I love you and made a huge mistake" what do you really have to gain here? 4
knitwit Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 Would he pay for your airfare and/or gas and tolls? It sounds like he is looking for a ride back home. Are you supposed to give up all that time and pay for everything, too? Why are you letting a guy who divorced you w/o any attempts to work on things live with you, sleep with you, talk to you, basically have all the perks of being with you? I don't believe you are thinking clearly. I think you are in love with this guy, & everything has happened so quickly that you haven't wrapped your head around it yet. He is taking advantage of you. He knows that you trust him & love him, and is using it to make his life easier. Unless and until he comes to you with major apologies and saying he wants to get back together, you are MUCH better off staying away from him & going as low contact as possible. Everything blew up for you fast and hard;the smoke won't clear for you until you get some distance away from him (e.g., no contact). I am sorry you are going through this. 2
GuyInLimbo Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 If I decide to go out there, I do not expect anything. He hasn't mentioned reconciliation, but I don't expect him to mention it. He knows I do not want to be friends with him, as much as I miss his friendship, I just cannot be pals with him. Sooooooo....what's the point of you going then? The guy divorced you. You going along with this clearly indicates you are hoping things miraculously work out for you. He said he doesn't love you. Why in the world would you want to be with someone who doesn't want or love you?? You also need to think about the kid. By continuing to do things with your ex, you are sending him mixed msgs and giving HIM false hope. Right there is the deal-breaker for me. 3
Texsec Posted November 22, 2012 Posted November 22, 2012 I think he is playing you. You were not good enough to be his wife anymore so why do you have to act like one still? Remind him that HE left you and has no rights of friendship or anything else except a parent. I think you have a really good chance of snapping him out of it. He probably wanted a divorce so he could play around and not feel guilty, but, still wants all the benefits of being with you. CUT HIM OFF, cold turkey to anything that doesn't have to do with your kid. It will be hard, but you have to do it or he will "feed" off you like this a long time. If he sees you strong, not putting up with it, moving forward he will freak out. Just my opinion....
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