gracesf Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 So... this is a new one for me... first of all we're broken up because of me... I messed up... if you're curious read and comment in my other thread... My question, or rather the new part for me is that I have to see this person everyday... and I just don't know how to do it. How do I see this person every single day. I've done okay this weekend... giving him space, not over texting, not begging and pleading to get back together. But tomorrow I will have to see him all day long... and we keep looking at each other... you know those across the room looks with hurt puppy dog eyes... or some times I catch him intentionally trying not to look... And gosh he's handsome, dark and fit and oh so handsome... and because I'm the one who effed up everyone around us tomorrow is on his side... this equates to me sitting alone ALL day (yep medical school is like high school)... so that makes it worse.... because I can't even have a civil discussion to distract myself... Also... I spent last week pretty much showing up to class looking like crap because I was upset over the break up... but this week will be the last two days he sees me before we leave for thanksgiving... we're getting back together to talk after thanksgiving... so I'm thinking I should try to look good right... I mean I always dress up for class (I'm not a sweats and no makeup kind of girl)... so I'm thinking I need to look pulled together but not overly done up right? I just want to catch his eye and remind him that I'm here and we're good together... and if we aren't getting back together I need to know how to function in the same space as he is... without constantly feeling a pit in my stomach...
CptSaveAho Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 If you were so good together, you wouldnt have cheated on him. I think you should reference this thread as "How do I face myself in a mirror everyday" Your actions in life have consequences. This is a consequence of your action. You get a daily reminder of what you lost because you wanted to have sex with an ex you still had feelings for. 3
KatZee Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 There's also so much more you need to do to change beyond putting on cute clothes and makeup. Believe me, he knows what you look like -- good and bad. The only thing he's most likely going to think is: Why is she so dressed up? Who is she going to meet up with after class? If you're walking around all done up looking great... I mean it gives off the appearance you're fine after all you just did to him. At least if you look like s.hit he sees you're suffering too.
Chi townD Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 Here's the deal. You cheated on your boyfriend and the guy you cheated on him with told your boyfriend about it. The same guy (I'm sure you told your boyfriend about him) that abused you. And you slept with him. You didn't come clean about it. You hurt him in the most damaging way possible. You rocked his self esteem and his ego. You cut into his soul. There's a good definition of love and it goes like this. The definition of love is giving your heart to someone and trusting them enough not to break it. Take a scientific wild ass guess on what you did. Here's an analogy for you. Your relationship was starting out to be a house. On the first day that he asked you out on a date, the two of you started to pour the foundation of a house that is to be your relationship. Two people start building on that foundation brick by brick and board by board. Some people can never get the pieces to fit right or can't agree on how it should look and the building stops and things end naturally. But, some people continue to build working into a marriage, and the next part of the building phase is starting a family...and the house looks really good. You two started build something really nice. And for whatever reason, you took a wrecking ball to it. It's destroyed and now the two of you are standing in front of the wreckage. Now, Some would say that it's destroyed and not worth rebuilding and will walk away from the wreckage. BUT! some couples decide that, even though the house is wrecked, the foundation is still good. And they start to build again. House they start to build will NEVER look like the one that they were building before, but it still can turn out to be a really nice house and in some cases, even better than what was previously there. Now, here's the rub. You made the choice to wreck it. You were in the driver's seat for that. NOW, he's in the driver's seat if he wants to rebuild or not. That isn't your choice, it's his. And if he decides that there's too much damage done. Then you have to let him walk away. Probably not what you wanted to hear. But, your actions have consquences and sometimes they're not what you want. But, I'm sure he didn't want you cheating on him either. So, give him space and try to live your life. After Thanksgiving, have the talk and respect whatever decision he comes to. Remember, this is all his choice, not yours. Until then, take care of yourself.
Author gracesf Posted November 20, 2012 Author Posted November 20, 2012 Here's the deal. You cheated on your boyfriend and the guy you cheated on him with told your boyfriend about it. The same guy (I'm sure you told your boyfriend about him) that abused you. And you slept with him. You didn't come clean about it. You hurt him in the most damaging way possible. You rocked his self esteem and his ego. You cut into his soul. There's a good definition of love and it goes like this. The definition of love is giving your heart to someone and trusting them enough not to break it. Take a scientific wild ass guess on what you did. Here's an analogy for you. Your relationship was starting out to be a house. On the first day that he asked you out on a date, the two of you started to pour the foundation of a house that is to be your relationship. Two people start building on that foundation brick by brick and board by board. Some people can never get the pieces to fit right or can't agree on how it should look and the building stops and things end naturally. But, some people continue to build working into a marriage, and the next part of the building phase is starting a family...and the house looks really good. You two started build something really nice. And for whatever reason, you took a wrecking ball to it. It's destroyed and now the two of you are standing in front of the wreckage. Now, Some would say that it's destroyed and not worth rebuilding and will walk away from the wreckage. BUT! some couples decide that, even though the house is wrecked, the foundation is still good. And they start to build again. House they start to build will NEVER look like the one that they were building before, but it still can turn out to be a really nice house and in some cases, even better than what was previously there. Now, here's the rub. You made the choice to wreck it. You were in the driver's seat for that. NOW, he's in the driver's seat if he wants to rebuild or not. That isn't your choice, it's his. And if he decides that there's too much damage done. Then you have to let him walk away. Probably not what you wanted to hear. But, your actions have consquences and sometimes they're not what you want. But, I'm sure he didn't want you cheating on him either. So, give him space and try to live your life. After Thanksgiving, have the talk and respect whatever decision he comes to. Remember, this is all his choice, not yours. Until then, take care of yourself. Thank you for this... this balanced opinion... I agree he is in the drivers seat and it's my fault... now it's my job to just try to sit back and respect his choices.... We spent some time face to face last night, and we had a good conversation... he said he can see that I'm trying to respect him, and that if the situation was reversed he would be doing the exact thing I am, which is to say the once a day text messages and what not... he said I'm not pushing too hard or too far... but that he doesn't want me to push anymore then I am now... which is more than reasonable I think... He said that logically he feels like he should walk away, but emotionally he sees that I am remorseful and sees that we could rebuild and be happy again one day, but he's not sure if he wants to do all the work to get there... which is again reasonable.... I know ya'll will say I'm selfish, but this makes me feel immensely better about everything.... to know from his own mouth exactly what he's feeling and thinking... we talked for about an hour and then we watched a tv show (his suggestion) and then we talked some more... It was good... and I feel a lot less anxious either way... the not talking was hard, the not hearing from him how he was feeling was hard... it's his choice to give me a chance or walk away... and now I feel much more equipped to accept respectfully whatever his choice may be....
Recommended Posts