ls32ssibm Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 Here is the scoop, I posted this previously under a different thread; Strange question from a strange perspective, but here's to hoping somebody may know. My best friend is currently living with his girlfriend. He's wanted a dog for some time (after I got one and put the bug in him), but isn't the time of guy to pull the trigger without some serious procrastination. So, I bought him a German Shepherd for Xmas. It's only 4 weeks old right now, and he'll be getting it in December. He knows about it and is very excited, so it's not like I'm springing it on him. Here's the thing; one reason why I bought it for him (instead of letting him get one sometime next year like he said he was going to) is that I absolutely abhor his girlfriend. They have been off-on for 6 years, and she has already broken his heart at least once (that I know of, since I was there to help pick up the pieces) when she got caught having a cyber-affair with some guy that likely turned physical. Their relationship has been circling the drain again the past year or so and the only reason they haven't completely split is because she's a complete wreck (physically, financially) and knows she couldn't possible do any better and he has some self-esteem issues. Anyway, on to the question. If they split I know she'll hold the dog over his head. She's already saying on the social media sites "I'M getting a dog" or "WE'RE getting a dog" when in reality I'm getting it for HIM. If my name, and not his, is all on the paperwork from the breeder will that nullify any right she has to the dog should it ever become necessary to prove that I was the one who bought it and gifted it to him? Thanks. As I said in that post (oh, and I still haven't gotten a concrete answer on that question I posed, so if anyone knows...) she is touting on social media how excited she is and is making it seem like they are getting it together like some lame couples do to practice for a baby, or something. I'm getting it solely for him. Am I immature or foolish for letting this get under my skin?
xdahliax Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 Yes, you are wrong for letting it bother you. You shouldn't have bought him a dog because a dog is a big responsibility, and it's a decision that he has to make for himself. You also bought the dog knowing very well that he has a girlfriend, so it is expected that both people in a committed relationship will get attached to a pet. 2
dasein Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 Bill of sale - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia I know you aren't selling the dog, but if you want a paper trail establishing ownership, this will start you in the right direction. Consult a local lawyer if this issue really concerns you, I don't see it as something to worry much about though. What I don't like in this situation is that someone reading between the lines could conclude that you are making this kind of gift for the express purpose of being more involved in their relationship, and because GF probably feels the same about you as you feel about her, you are doing it to irritate her or for other spiteful underlying motive. Please tell me that's not the case, and if there's even the teeniest of truth in it, you should definitely reconsider such a gift.
CarrieT Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 Reading between the lines, seems like you are using the dog as a ploy in their relationship and, yes, letting it get to you is wrong on too many levels. Besides, a gift is a gift - once given, you can't have any concern whatsoever, regardless of its pedigree or documentation. If your friend breaks up with his girlfriend and SHE ends up with the dog because he allows it, you have to keep your mouth shut. The dog is his once it is given and you'd better get used to that fact as soon possible or keep the dog yourself. 1
CC12 Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 Besides, a gift is a gift - once given, you can't have any concern whatsoever, regardless of its pedigree or documentation. This is what I came in to post. When you give a gift, you don't have any say over what the recipient does with it. You're trying to give a gift with strings attached. You do seem a little too involved in their relationship and like you're trying to control the outcome of things. And you maybe didn't mean it this way, but the following sentence you wrote really makes this look like a mean-spirited gift: one reason why I bought it for him (instead of letting him get one sometime next year like he said he was going to) is that I absolutely abhor his girlfriend.Maybe you can try sitting down with your friend and saying, "I noticed your girlfriend has been posting stuff like 'We're getting a dog,' and I just want to make it really clear that I'm giving the dog to you and only you. In case you guys ever break up, I'd be heartbroken if she ended up keeping the dog. Would you be okay with signing some paperwork that designates you as the sole owner?" Responsible breeders will have you sign a contract that basically says if you can't keep the dog, you will give it back to the breeder, and no one else. Maybe you can try something like that with your friend. But honestly, I doubt any paperwork is going to stop her from "holding the dog over his head" if she's inclined to that. I understand why it's getting under your skin, but you have to either let it go, or not give him a dog. Apart from legal ownership, you kind of are giving "them" a dog, since they're living together. She's likely going to be feeding it, petting it, walking it, training it, and enjoying having a pet. I have a feeling the thought of that pisses you off, so my suggestion is to get your friend a video game for Christmas instead. One that she won't like.
SmileFace Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 You need to get over him. That is how I see it. 1
Author ls32ssibm Posted November 19, 2012 Author Posted November 19, 2012 Yes, you are wrong for letting it bother you. You shouldn't have bought him a dog because a dog is a big responsibility, and it's a decision that he has to make for himself. You also bought the dog knowing very well that he has a girlfriend, so it is expected that both people in a committed relationship will get attached to a pet. Thanks to everybody except this guy, who needs reading comprehension classes.
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 You need to get over him. That is how I see it. Quoted FTW.
xdahliax Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 Thanks to everybody except this guy, who needs reading comprehension classes. Nothing I said is out of order with what you wrote. But that comment just proves that I got you exactly right in your OP: you're petty and daft.
Author ls32ssibm Posted November 19, 2012 Author Posted November 19, 2012 Nothing I said is out of order with what you wrote. But that comment just proves that I got you exactly right in your OP: you're petty and daft. You shouldn't have bought him a dog because a dog is a big responsibility, and it's a decision that he has to make for himself. No, I clearly said he wanted one and was going to get one anyway. Thanks for playing though.
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 Kind of off topic - but here's a good example of why so many dogs end up in rescues and shelters. A person in a relationship that's "circling the drain" is in no space conducive to raising a puppy properly - and a breed that needs particular care in how it's raised, a German Shepherd, no less. New puppies need to come into stable environments where they're well prepared for. And that's a decision to be made BY THE PERSON WHO IS GETTING THE DOG. Not a meddling friend. This whole idea is really ill-fated and the dog is the one that's going to suffer for it. 2
veggirl Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 yeah I think its pretty much understood that in a 6 yr relationship they will both be responsible for / getting attached to the dog. Buying someone a dog because you "abhor" their girlfriend is really weird. And it's sad you are giving $ to breeding
xdahliax Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 You shouldn't have bought him a dog because a dog is a big responsibility, and it's a decision that he has to make for himself. No, I clearly said he wanted one and was going to get one anyway. Thanks for playing though. Yes, but he didn't get a dog. Why get a dog next year instead of this year? My point was exactly that of Mme. Chaucer's, but she explained it better.
mammasita Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 I'm not getting the reasoning behind getting someone a gift when you despise their significant other. In any case, I agree that when you give a gift, its really out of your hands. The dog should probably have waited until your friend was more certain of his future with this girl. That said, since this is the situation, maybe you can have some documentation notarized saying that in the event of a split, your friend retains full custody of the dog. Sounds silly, but worth a shot.
pteromom Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 Once you give the dog to your friend, it will be HIS dog. And if his gf lives with him, it will be her dog too. And it will be up to them what happens to the dog if they split up.
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