Sweet Cheeks Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 OK, I'm usually not a person who posts about my personal life on an open public forum, but this seems like a great place for info. and I'm just gonna dive in. Please, PLEASE know that I realize my post may seem really juvenile and stupid. Having said that, I'm going to be honest about it and just take from your advice what I can. Here goes... Facebook. Seriously the death of so many relationships IMO. But yes, I'm on it, as is my bf. OK. We've been dating for over 2 years, and things have been rocky at times due to various things going on but we do love each other and talk about a future together. My question is regarding double standards. My bf can be of the jealous nature and had found out that a guy on my fb had been going after me, not knowing of my current relationship, he had sent me a fb friend request along with a message regarding us working at the same place, mutual friends, etc. Innocent enough. I friended him only for him to continue with asking me about things of a more personal nature. IOW, I knew where he was going, he was fishing to see how 'committed' I was. I told my bf about it, I'm very upfront, and he wanted him unfriended and gone. He was uncomfortable with it as was I, so I did. OK. Well through a friend of a friend, I found out that during a time when we were 'on a break' (Yes, I cringe saying that, we had taken some time apart when things were stressful) he had gone out with a girl he knew for years, as a friend, nothing happened, yada yada. They went to lunch, she tagged along when he went out with friends, etc. BUT ... I also found out she had wanted it to go further and had pursued him on a more serious level. He put the breaks on at that point. But when I first confronted him about it, he lied about it and said it never happened. Later, he finally came forward with the whole thing, said he never liked her in that way, and that he lied b/c he knew how I'd see things and that he didn't want that message coming across to me. I didn't have an issue with the friends thing, I had an issue with the lying, regardless of reason. I furthermore had an issue b/c when I got upset about it he immediately closed up and reacted angrily saying I should trust him and not go on and on about it. Being that he was dishonest, I turned the tables and said I really didn't feel comfy with someone like that and to please unfriend her. He said fb was dumb and that my request was childish and that I was acting like this was a high school relationship. I read this now and I feel childish even typing it, but I wanna know if I am overreacting, 1, and 2 if his way of handling things is fair. I need input on whether my view of this being a double standard is correct. Also guys, is it normal when you are in a slump with your gf to welcome positive attention elsewhere? I see her as an ego stroke honestly, b/c I was told she was all over him. Any insight is welcomed. Thanks so much.
Yookie Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 Facebook is not the issue here. The fact that your boyfriend is dishonest and acts angry when you catch him in a lie is the real issue. This is a red flag. I would not trust him either.
pteromom Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 Absolutely a double-standard. You need to have a talk with him. You guys need to decide as a couple whether you have veto power over each other's FB friends or not. Either you do or you don't. So if he can tell you to unfriend someone, then he has to expect that you can tell him to unfriend someone. And if you can't tell him to unfriend someone, then he needs to let you make your own decisions about FB friends as well. FWIW, I am in favor of never trying to control another person's choices.
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