Kjohns Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 Dear all, In April of this year I found out that I was pregnant. I advised my partner that I thought I was, the two of us had a row he stormed off and I subsequently did the test to find outI was pregnant without him. He reacted very badly to this, refused to be in a relationship with me and then tried to force me into an abortion. The things that he said to me are so abusive that I will not repeat them on here but lets just say I endured three weeks of emotional abuse following the discovery of the pregnany, Eventually he came around however I miscarried. Whilst I was miscarrying he went out drinking with friends and left me on my own. I was fuming however he reassured me that he loved me and was sorry. Following the miscarriage part of me blamed him for treating me so badly and putting so much stress on me. My anger with him consumed me and I kept shouting at him and threatening to kick him out of the home, I know this was wrong of me but the pain was so great and he wasnt supporting me through it. Eventually one weekend I asked him to leave in rage and he did. This was on the basis we weer still in a relationship but living apart. It took us three weeks to talk things through with one another and resume the relationship. Things were absoloutly amazing for the first month however I then found out that during our time apart he had met up with his ex girlfriend and was dating her for a week. The communication with her had started before he even left the family home. I was heartbroken and devastated yet again he had kept it secret and my trust for him has again diminished. When I found out I went through all of the emotions, I wanted to walk, then I wanted to get him back and hurt him. I eventually decided that I did not want to stoop to his level and be a cheat. I am not claiming to be an angel the thought of other men has crossed my mind since this event and I may have sent a text or two which has slightly crossed boundaries at times that I have felt very mad ............. but I could never hurt him like that and never be truly unfaithful. The thought of being with another man sexually makes me sick. My rage is again consuming me because of this and I feel I am losing who I am. I dont know whether to stay with him or leave?? I love him with all my heart but know I do not forgive easily. I am scared the situation is going to drive me to do something silly, either compromise my morals or change me as a person. I would like some unbiased takes on the situation, naturally my loved ones want me to leave him. I dont feel I have been perfect to him ..... but his actions to me seem very extreme??
todreaminblue Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 Dear all, In April of this year I found out that I was pregnant. I advised my partner that I thought I was, the two of us had a row he stormed off and I subsequently did the test to find outI was pregnant without him. He reacted very badly to this, refused to be in a relationship with me and then tried to force me into an abortion. The things that he said to me are so abusive that I will not repeat them on here but lets just say I endured three weeks of emotional abuse following the discovery of the pregnany, Eventually he came around however I miscarried. Whilst I was miscarrying he went out drinking with friends and left me on my own. I was fuming however he reassured me that he loved me and was sorry. Following the miscarriage part of me blamed him for treating me so badly and putting so much stress on me. My anger with him consumed me and I kept shouting at him and threatening to kick him out of the home, I know this was wrong of me but the pain was so great and he wasnt supporting me through it. Eventually one weekend I asked him to leave in rage and he did. This was on the basis we weer still in a relationship but living apart. It took us three weeks to talk things through with one another and resume the relationship. Things were absoloutly amazing for the first month however I then found out that during our time apart he had met up with his ex girlfriend and was dating her for a week. The communication with her had started before he even left the family home. I was heartbroken and devastated yet again he had kept it secret and my trust for him has again diminished. When I found out I went through all of the emotions, I wanted to walk, then I wanted to get him back and hurt him. I eventually decided that I did not want to stoop to his level and be a cheat. I am not claiming to be an angel the thought of other men has crossed my mind since this event and I may have sent a text or two which has slightly crossed boundaries at times that I have felt very mad ............. but I could never hurt him like that and never be truly unfaithful. The thought of being with another man sexually makes me sick. My rage is again consuming me because of this and I feel I am losing who I am. I dont know whether to stay with him or leave?? I love him with all my heart but know I do not forgive easily. I am scared the situation is going to drive me to do something silly, either compromise my morals or change me as a person. I would like some unbiased takes on the situation, naturally my loved ones want me to leave him. I dont feel I have been perfect to him ..... but his actions to me seem very extreme?? went through something very similar, with my ex, he was out when i was miscarrying through stress , i prayed all night for it not to happen but it did....i was devastated he didn't want the baby i did i was three months...i fell pregnant shortly after again, threats were made because i said i was keeping the baby.... so much so i said, "you stay im leaving i wont ask you for a cent i wont have anything from you".....he came with......i have three girls from that relationship which i am blessed to have...true gifts from god......the relationship didnt survive......you do what is right for you, find someone who is supportive caring kind and compassionate and you wont change who you are. the longer you stay the more damage it does to you your personality, your emotions, your sanity......your morals, your drive and your conviction....sometimes it is just not worth it for either one to continue...think seriously about who you DON'T want to be....and move in that direction that takes you away from that realization, if its away from him so be it......i wish you hope in love,life and much more laughter.....deb
Indy C Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 Wow...what a d***. I see you put you haven't been perfect to him but no girl diserves to be treated that way. and in my book cheating is a bit of a automatic deal breaker. My gf cheated on me and i took her back against my better judgement, and how did it end ? With her leaving me for my best friend. I realize it may not be what you want to hear but if it were me I'd call it quits.
spaniard Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 (edited) It will be a bit off, but you know what's funny. There are guys here who would have NEVER done such things as your ex did. There are guys here who cared about there girlfriends. For example, I was always there when my ex needed me. I worked and studied in another town 200 km far away from my hometown where she lived, but when she was in depression, I went home in the middle of the night just to be with her and then went back in the morning because I had to go to work. I never cheater on her, treated her like a princess, still it didn't matter. I never let her down, I took her to places that I never heard other guys took her girlfriends. Dammit, I was a good boyfriend. And when I was going through 1-2 really tough months, she told me that it was over me, byebye. And what do I see here? A whole lot of women falling in love with *******s, who treated them like s**t, still they are deeply in love with them. Edited November 19, 2012 by spaniard 1
Renard99 Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 From my experience, if you feel like you're losing yourself, chances are....you are. It's your brains way of saying that something's not right. You're picking up on the red flags in the relationship. A relationship where you have been treated badly. A relationship that's draining the life out of you. I'm sorry to say it, but, a relationship that causes you to fear you'll do "something silly, either compromise my morals or change me as a person" is not a healty relationship. I'm afraid I agree with Indy C when he says that now maybe the time to call it quits. Like Spaniard says, there are plenty of better men out there.
KathyM Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 Listen to your loved ones. They have your best interests at heart usually, and can see the guy through 20 20 lenses and not rose colored glasses. You saw what kind of person he was when the going got tough. He became a verbally abusive, selfish ass. You don't need this bum. You need to value yourself enough to have higher expectations for men. Dump this guy, and don't waste any more of your time on him. There are men out there who are worthy of your love and attention. This guy is not.
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