tanya2345 Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 Okay so me and my ex broke up about 9 months ago, we where together for around 4 years. Since the breakup we have spoke and still meet up. He has now met a new girl and is telling me i had my chance and lost it and she hasnt had one and that he likes her an awful lot. We broke up cause im an idiot. I was a crap girlfriend and am the first one to admit it. He to me is the one that got away and I am willing to wait as long as it takes in an attempt to make it through. If I wasn't in this for the long haul then I would have gone right? Im here posing because although I am in the wrong and do feel he deserves happiness with this other girl, i cant help but feel that its not over. Like why does he still contact me and see me if my chance is gone? I am wondering if anyone has experienced similar or has any thoughts? Any questions welcome! Thankssss!
ls32ssibm Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 You were together for 4 years and admitted you treated him like ****, so don't waste any more of his life. Move on, and don't initiate any contact on your part.
gracesf Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 I would say let it go... I dated a guy for 7 years... and we tried to keep in loose contact and we tried a few times to reconcile afterwards... but we just couldn't put the pieces back together... the actual act of ending that 7 year relationship changed both of us so much, that we could just never figure out how to make things work again... and even worse, when we finally did end it, we had dragged it out so long that we were hateful and destructive to each other... it was terrible... I know it's hard to let it go, but the reality is that you're in love with who you were with back then... and neither of you are the same people now... acknowledge this and mourn for what you've lost, but don't try to hang on to it, because its done... and it's better to just own that its done now... other wise you will spend the next year or so in a downward spiral that ends in you hating each other... or at least that was my experience...
LostOne1 Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 (edited) I would say let it go... I dated a guy for 7 years... and we tried to keep in loose contact and we tried a few times to reconcile afterwards... but we just couldn't put the pieces back together... the actual act of ending that 7 year relationship changed both of us so much, that we could just never figure out how to make things work again... and even worse, when we finally did end it, we had dragged it out so long that we were hateful and destructive to each other... it was terrible... . reminds me of my ex and me just about 3 weeks ago. She BU with me in mid Aug since then we have been dragging it on every few weeks especially me. Though I noticed a change of her mood from super angry and mad to being nice and not ignoring me to rude again. To a point where I just said screw it and ended it myself by sending her stuff back to show her I can't play this game now. But dragging it on doesn't help. I don't know if me going NC and telling her im okay with the BU when she announced it would have made a difference or not. Part of me feels like it would have, because that's not the reaction she would want. But then again I think I had lost either way... if I gave her the reaction I did, then it made her feel guilty and bad. And if I went with the way i WISH i handled stuff it might have been bad too. Going NC and saying im okay with it all and her having a 2nd backup guy probably would've made her think I don't care and that its okay to go to the new guy. Either way I guess I am screwed, but would have had a better chance I think if I went total NC. So take my advice just go NC and end it fully and never look back. I wasted time dragging it on thinking it would help. But it did in some ways and in some ways it didn't.. Maybe more time would help, but I have no idea. Which is why I'm slowly learning to let it go.. I can't control the outcome no matter what I do. I see it as I had my chance with her for 3 yrs and it finally came to an end on the 3rd anniversary... so I had a good run and just have to learn from it. There is no going back for her and me and I really believe she was never going to come back to me now that I think of it. She made a VERY hard decision to BU with me and I don't think she would change her mind again. Sad that another guy came into the picture to ruin it for us. I know she deny's it was the other guy, but he took my spot when she was away on her work trip for 2 months. And honestly.. if I can't physically be there and he can.. well he has the upper hand. I should add it did end destructive. She basically by the end of it told me she HATED me she REGRETS ever meeting and wishes she could change the past etc.. etc.. Maybe she deserves what she got, and I got what I deserved too. But it's tough to remember me meeting her and the love and moments we shared now only to have total hate for each other. It's a scary thing if you can imagine the person you love so much becoming your worst enemy alive. That's what happened with me and my ex, though I don't hate her as much as she hates me. But I do feel hurt that she had the chance to work it out, as I was willing too as well. But she didn't want to and well this is how it is now.... Edited November 19, 2012 by LostOne1
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