Broke up for no reason, now she contacts me.

[1891]

Hi!

 

This is my first post on this forum but I have been reading here for a while and thought that maybe you guys can help me out with my own relationship issues.

 

Me and the ex used to be good friends before we were together, and once we got together, she told me that she had been in love with me for years but was too afraid to admit it.

 

We were together for 18 months, I was her first and she was mine. It was pretty much the perfect relationship with the perfect girl.

 

The "reason" why we broke up:

 

[i used to get mad easily, which made me slip up twice, "ending" our relationship. This made her doubt if I really loved her or not. But we ended up together again both times and the last 4 months our relationship peaked. We were both happy and she practically lived at my house for 2 months and at the end of the summer we went on a trip just the two of us.

 

When we got back, we had a high-school reunion at a nightclub which we both attended. This is were things started going south, her friends are rather immature, their relationships never work out and they change guys in a heartbeat. They also cut her off once she got together with me, just to get reunited later on.

 

Anyways, a random guy starts taking pictures of my gf and puts his arm around her. I am usually rather over protective, but this time I thought I should stay passive since it was in front of her friends who love to criticize me.

 

I stay passive untill the guy lets his hand move toward her breasts. Which is when I move forward, remove his arm in a firm but non-violent manner and ask him what he thinks he is doing.

 

This is when one of my girlfriends friends get into the middle of me and the guy turning towards me yelling that "if I want to hit him, I have to hit her first".

 

I didnt react, just left the scene and started going homewards, my GF runs after me, asking me not to leave and telling me that we should leave together and holds on to my arm. I pushed her away and kept on moving.

 

Didn´t hear from her until the next night when I initiated contact, we agreed to meet later on that week to talk about what happened. So we met up, talked without resolving anything and had sex. I asked her out on a date later on that week to make sure that we could put this happening behind us and she agrees once again.

 

I called her to change the time and place the same day that we were going to meet as I had finished work early. She didn´t answer so I got scared that something had happened to her, since she were working the night shift in a rather rough neighbourhood. When I finally got a hold of her, I went mad because of her not answering earlier leaving me freightened. ]

 

So when we finally met up, she said that she couldn't be with me anymore. She started crying and telling me that maybe we could get back together in some months.

 

After the breakup

 

I went LC, she texted me and I answered in a gentle but rather firm manner. One night she called me, waking me up. She was really drunk and alone in the same rough neighbourhood I was talking about earlier. I took my parents car and went over to her since I care for her, but also because I want to be with her.

 

She started crying, telling me that she was sorry for treating me like **** when I was the only one that she could trust. She tried to kissed me, asked me if I would hug her and I helped her into the shower and put her back to bed. Without approaching her in any way as I didn´t want to seem to be taking advantage of the condition she was in.

 

She called and texted to thank me the day after. This ended up with me seeing her again later that night at her place, no sex, no kissing, she did ask me for a hug again though, and so we hugged. For merely practical reasons, we slept for half an hour in her bed, with her sleeping really close to me while I felt like I was lying in my casket.

 

When we woke up to the sound of her alarm, she asked me to spend the night and told me that she felt safe having me around. The thing is that earlier that night she said she didnt want to give me false expectations.

 

Now a month later, I have kept the LC. Improved myself, not for her sake, but for my own.

 

So, the thing is that now I want her back 2½ month after the break up.

 

She seems interested in how I am doing when she texts me, when she hears that I have been out late at night, she follows up to see who I was with and what I was doing. She had gotten indications that I had slept with someone else(I hadn't), which made her go mad untill I told her that it was a misunderstanding.

 

In the beginning of Nov. I replied to one of her texts at 5 in the morning as I had been away on a football game, she replied in a matter of minutes and we chatted for a while untill I told her that i really had to sleep. A few hours later, she texted me again asking if I had made it to school since I had only slept a few hours.

 

I didn't reply to that text as it had me really confused. And since then she has written to me once on Facebook, asking me if I have her jacket and how I am doing. I replied 2 hours later as I was on the gym and she still havent answered even though that was last tuesday.

 

She still wears the ring I gave her when she graduated and according to herself, she hasn't seen anyone since we broke up but she has been out partying with her friends.

 

So, what to do?

[soccerrprp]

Leave. Your anger, her indecisiveness are all bad signs. It sounds like you are very young and that is also a bad recipe. It would appear that both or one or the either are not mature enough to have a committed long term relationship. It looks like she is looking around for other prospects....sorry.

[1891]

Leave. Your anger, her indecisiveness are all bad signs. It sounds like you are very young and that is also a bad recipe. It would appear that both or one or the either are not mature enough to have a committed long term relationship. It looks like she is looking around for other prospects....sorry.

 

Yeah, her indecisiveness is something that I have been thinking about. When we met up the last time, she was just the way she used to be. But when she starts texting, sometimes she just stops replying, even though she initiated the contact.

 

I think that I am going to leave it in her own hands and keep the LC.

 

Just wondering what the indecisiveness is all about.

[1891]

Another thing that I can't get out of my mind is why is she still wearing the ring? It has an inscription which is pretty much useless as we aren't together anymore.

 

It just ended so abruptly, we had just gotten back from our vacation and she was talking about our future together. Could it be that her friends are messing with her mind?

[dreamstate83]

The only thing I could really say here is that it sounds like a bit of emotional immaturity involved. I would keep your distance for the time being if I were you.

[1891]

Little update, she contacted me over facebook mid November and asked for some of her stuff, I didn't reply as I was away and unaware of her message, then, without me answering her, she asked how I was doing. When I do get home and read her messages I answer her casually, telling her that her stuff is still here waiting for her and that I was doing good.

 

She saw my reply some seconds after (Facebook is seriously bad for integrity) but didn't answer. Then she left for New York for a week with her mom and I hadn't heard from her since, untill now.

 

Hi!

I was wondering if my jacket is still there?

It's getting cold outside so I really need it.

Besides, my skiis are there too.

 

I would like to go out with her, just to see what she is like since I have been hearing some stuff about her, and as I mentioned before, she broke up with me because of a couple of bad coincidences over a few minutes.

 

Right now, I want to tell her that I gave it all away to someone in need haha. What do you guys think?

[1891]

She just updated her relationship status on FB to "in a relationship". I feel good about it actually, for the first time in 3 months I have received a clear message from her.

 

Thanks for reading and replying guys, you are golden!

[RhapsodyinBlue]

She just updated her relationship status on FB to "in a relationship". I feel good about it actually, for the first time in 3 months I have received a clear message from her.

 

Thanks for reading and replying guys, you are golden!

 

I know you say you're happy, but reading that hurt my heart a little and I don't even know you.

 

Honestly, I doubt the relationship will even last that long.

[1891]

I know you say you're happy, but reading that hurt my heart a little and I don't even know you.

 

Honestly, I doubt the relationship will even last that long.

 

The thing is, that I never knew what she wanted for us since she broke up with me. She contacted my friends and asked them about me, and told them that I didn't want any contact with her, which was wrong. Back then I wanted her back. I never initiated contact myself, but I always replied to her messages in a nice way.

 

We saw eachother twice after the breakup, and she asked me to stay over both times, but I never did, she ended stuff, and I could never just hop back into that relationship. She gave up on us, because of what her friends told her. That wasn´t okay with me. If two people decide to be together, that relationship will have its up and its downs. But you got to fight for it. She didn't.

 

When I saw her update on Facebook, I reacted in a irrational way according to my friends and even to myself. I was glad. Why? Because she proved to me that she wasn't strong enough to be happy by herself and improve on her own. She needed another man to carry her through life.

 

And the thing is, she got together with a co-worker of hers, pretty much alcoholic, spends most of his nights at a pub, 23 years old, working on a gas-station. Zero ambition, no goals, no future. Sadly, she is going the same way as he is.

 

I used to care for this girl, I used to think that she deserved better. But she gave up on us, and at the moment, it seems as if she has given up on her dreams. She still contacts me, I don´t reply though. This drives her crazy and she keeps texting me asking if I can't read her texts or if I simply don't want to talk to her.

 

I realized, for some weeks ago, that I can do better than her. And I am. Seriously, I study at one of the best universities in this country. I exercise a lot and I am seeing fantastic results. I spend alot of time with my family and especially with my kid brother. Life is pretty much great. It wouldn't had been if she had been single. Because when she was, I still thought of 'us'. I never knew for sure what she wanted, if she wanted us to be back together, if she had a fear of rejection and if that was keeping her away.

 

Now, there is no 'us' anymore. There is just me, and I am doing fantastic. I really recommend everyone that turns single to just take it easy, take a deep breath and just wait it out. It will be hard in the beginning. But read my story and understand that things will be tough in the beginning. But once you are back on track, you are stronger than ever. It is worth it.

[1891]

A month ago, my boyfriend told me that there's no long-term potential because we're not "compatible." I accepted and I've moved on since then, but sometimes I look back and go, huh?? Up to a certain point, there was nothing wrong with the relationship. In fact, things were going REALLY well. We had so much fun otgether. We were really close, did everything together, talked all the time, and the chemisitry was amazing. Then we had our first fight. And since then, he was irritable and picking fights with me. And after each go round, he'd be very upset and say there's some kind of disconnect, etc. But he CREATED the issues. Blew things out of proportion. I was always just stunned by it all. Anyway, to this day, I don't know why he broke up with me except that looking back I should have broken up with him because he drove me crazy with his moodiness. Anyone ever been in a situation like this??

 

We have alot of stuff in common. The difference is that me and my gf used to have some fights, always minor stuff, but we used to blow it up. But during the last few months of our relationship, I matured and just let this kind of stuff go.

 

One day, her friends created an issue, started spreading rumours and told her that she couldn't be together with me. One of the reasons was that I was too 'easily irritable'. So, one day I am really worried for her, she isn't picking up her phone, she lives in a rough neighbourhood and works late. I called some friends living in the same spot, telling them to go look for her, while I am on the way to her house, calling her father and asking her co-workers about her.

 

She had just overslept, she was never in danger. But once I get to her house,understanding that she is all safe and sound. I turned angry instead, asked her why she hadn't picked up her phone and so on.

 

Through her eyes, I was the easily irritable guy, getting mad for nothing etc. etc.

 

The same guy that her friends told her I was. So she decided to take their advice, and break up with me.

 

Now, 3 months and 2 days later. I have never felt better. I am in physically great shape, I am studying on a really high level and I am psychologically fantastic.

 

I'm on the road to success, and I am driving far past the speed limit.

 

My only advice to you is to wait it out. Just take it easy. Do whatever you want. Go exercise. Take classes. Either he will walk the walk for you or you will walk into a new life without him. If he is just talking the talk. Keep on walking girl.

 

After every dark night comes a brighter day.