lexnmike4enomore Posted August 6, 2004 Posted August 6, 2004 For the past month or so...all me and my SO do is fight. Over petty stuff to. I wont bore you with details. Does this mean I should just stand up and say that we should just throw in the towel? I mean i don't want it to be over but i cant get it through his head that he cant get so mad if i don't take the garbage cans in. Its like he has this resentment towards me and he loves to fight over stupid s***. What should i do?
Pocky Posted August 6, 2004 Posted August 6, 2004 I was once told by a psychologist that did marriage therapy that the first sign that a relationship was really over was when the couple no longer fought. He said this meant that they had given up and their was no emotion left and therefore there was nothing left for them to fight about. Have you sat down with your SO and asked what is wrong? Have you two discussed why there has been such a negative change in the relationship in the past month?
lexnmike4enomore Posted August 6, 2004 Posted August 6, 2004 Yes we have...but it always ends up him calling me names and that there's nothing wrong except that i don't pay attention to things, I'm at Walmart and i should be home or I'm spoiled or I'm selfish. If i don't take the garbage cans is...like i forget o I'm busy doing something.......I'm an a**hole b/c i forgot. He says its ME ME ME. But he doesn't realize that he GETS MAD AT EVERYTHING!!! And i mean everything. If the tarp that goes over the car is blown over....and i don't notice it....i don't pay attention and I'm lazy. Or if i take a too long of shower he has something to say. HE ALWAYS SAYS SOME SNOTTY REMARK. I don't want to leave him b.c he acts like this, i want to make him realize that he analyzes things to much and no matter what it is...it makes him agrevated. He just needs t chill out and stop being so up tight.
EC Posted August 6, 2004 Posted August 6, 2004 Yeah. I don't believe that you bringing in the cans are the problem there. I think you need to sit down with your hubby and ask why all the negativity. And it's true when the fighting stops all together you know you have a problem. Maybe he thinks you look cute when your angry?(lol) (trying to cheer u up)
lexnmike4enomore Posted August 6, 2004 Posted August 6, 2004 Originally posted by EtErNaLlYCoNfUsEd Maybe he thinks you look cute when your angry?(lol) (trying to cheer u up) You have such an optomistic way of putting things. Me and you would get along great. Thanx for the advice.
jmargel Posted August 6, 2004 Posted August 6, 2004 Lex you don't deserve to be his emotional punching bag. You two are not communicating effectivily. Buy the book 'Men are from Mars, and Women from Venus'. There is a chapter about disagreements and agruing. Next time he gives you a snotty remark or calls you a name (which is verbal abuse), be direct. Tell him 'What you just said really hurts and I don't deserve to be treated like that' then walk away. Don't agrue, don't try to tell him why he shouldn't be saying those things. Let him think about the things he says. You two really do need marriage counseling as well. Does he do all the critizing or do you contribute as well? He could also need anger management if he gets that upset over something. It could also stem from a depression where he is so on edge. Anxiety can also be a problem. That's why a counselor would be very benefical for you both. This problem won't solve itself, and neither of you two can solve it together. Trust me on this and please take my advice.
lexnmike4enomore Posted August 6, 2004 Posted August 6, 2004 Thank you jmargel. Finally someone who tells it like it is. I never thought we can handle this ourselves. He's the one who does all name calling and yelling and everything. Every time i argue back.....he tell me to move out. So its like I cant say anything back. I don't think he will go for counseling either. He doesn't think we have a problem..sorry..he has a problem. He'll say all our relationship need is for ME to be more this and for ME to be more that and have ME change this way and ME stop doing this and that. thats the problem....so I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place
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