zanesfan Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 This is what my best friend "boo" told her. A little background, she is 29 , he is 27. They have known each other for 14 months. When they meet he said he didnt want anything serious, and she said she didnt either. After time, she started to fall for him. 2 months later they start sleeping together. They went out on dates, he would always come by to visit her often, they had overnights together that didnt always include sex. But still no commitment. They stop talking for a few weeks and he started to date another girl. They were having sex, they went to parties together, and we saw pics of them together on her facebook page. Shortly after they broke up. Now my friend is back talking to him. He often says he loves her and she would be his wife but he had to get his life right. In 14 months they only had sex 4x. They are not currently having sex. He still says he loves her, she still spends the night, and he still says he want her as a wife. But still no commitment from him. Does this sound like it has potential? I want to advise my friend to move on but she doesnt like when someone tells her right from wrong. Or does this seem ok?
RachR Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 How can he want her as a wife, when he won't even commit to having her as his girlfriend? No. No potential, going nowhere.
carhill Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 Sounds like she's in rotation. Any advice will likely fall on deaf ears. The 'Cheers Effect' is strong with this dynamic. Has she dated other men during this time? If not, no time like the holidays to start
Mrlonelyone Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 Agree'd with Carhill. She could be on the merry go round for a long time before he marries her...if he ever does.
Author zanesfan Posted November 18, 2012 Author Posted November 18, 2012 She has dated other men as something to do. But her heart is always with him. Right now she is dating someone, he really likes her but she really likes the other guy. Ive tried to tell her from the outside looking in but she is confident that he is her husband.
carhill Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 In that instance, my advice is to let it go. Also, don't be a receptacle for her complaints, if shared. That's the healthy balance. She's making choices and they have consequences.
Mrlonelyone Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 Op this is one of those things that friends can only watch happen. My parents, met in the early 70's and spent most of that decade doing just what your friend and this guy are doing. They did eventually get married and have had a few good decades. One way or the other, these things can work out for the best eventually. It's not fast, it's not pretty but it happens. It's not your life. All you can do is just let her make her mistakes.
Author zanesfan Posted November 18, 2012 Author Posted November 18, 2012 Although her situation is better than some, I just dont want her to get hurt. I really like this guy but there is a part of me that dislikes him because I think he is stringing her along and she is allowing herself to be strung along. I guess we all go through this at sometime. Oh well, I will just hope for the best. All I can do.
Ninjainpajamas Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 You can't help someone save themselves, all the greatest advice in the world will fall on deaf ears...you might as well try knocking down a concrete wall with a tennis ball. This is her doing, she's not an idiot, her mind and gut tells her what this guy is about and he clearly seems to have commitment issues, however that's probably more because she isn't the right girl as well. It doesn't really matter though, nobody is smart enough and manipulative enough to full you, she knows better but she is choosing this anyway, this is what she wants to believe and it's not that she doesn't like being told right from wrong, she just doesn't want anyone to tell her that she can't do what she wants and she doesn't want to hear the truth which may impede her nonsensical path, so don't take this to heart yourself, she wasn't born yesterday and she knows better by now...she wants to believe he's her husband, but she could have commitment issues herself so the prospect of this unattainable fantasy is lucrative because as long as he fights it she never actually has to go through with it, instead she can just feel it's just at arms length which is a very enticing emotional human response...like if only I could reach it!...but I cannot. She thinks she is working for something and actually covering some ground, but in the end they probably deserve each other....not that they'll end up together but they both get to enable each others issues and insecurities. It's just one big happy mind-fk of a game, like most things.
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