9 months later I can't look at a picture of her

[mpz]

The problem:

I will try not to go into too much detail but in April my ex of 6 years broke up with me. I have found it one of the hardest things to go through. It's nearly been 9 months of NC and I am finding it extremely difficult to stop thinking about her.. every day she pops into my head. Don't get me wrong some days I think of her less than others. Since breaking up with her, I have been with other girls, I even met a girl I really liked but because I started a new job 300 miles away we both agreed it couldn't work.

 

The break up:

The break up was awful..she called it off with me, wouldn't let me speak or see her. Then 3-4 weeks later I go into stalker mode and find pics of her with another bloke on holiday. Really broke my heart, but once I found out about this I phoned her, and from that day we haven't spoken. I really struggled with the first few months of NC and must admit I did hurt myself by looking at her profile pic on facebook, of her and her new boyfriend together in the sea together/ running marathons all happy... really got to me how she moved on so fast, and the fact she kept posting pictures of the both of them online..

 

I kept visiting this site for all the common things...'should I break NC', 'should I wish her happy birthday' and I figured that if this girl that I loved could be so mean to me I should keep on with NC and get on with my life, which I have done but it's not been easy.

 

In September I had a look on my phone and noticed that she tried to call me 4 times at 4am. This was the first glimpse that she was still thinking about me, even though she was probably drunk at that time...however I did block her number a while back and when she tried to call she would have only been rejected and it wouldn't have rung through. So it's most likely that she got the message that I still couldn't face talking to her. But since then I have been thinking about her more.. Also even though we aren't friends on facebook, she still 'likes' my friends comments, and posts happy birthday messages on their walls. I know it's only Facebook but man I hate that she does that! I have had to tell my close friends to 'unfriend' her because I just don't want to see her name or picture of her and this guy.

 

It's got to a horrible stage that I can't look at a picture of her.... I hate this. I know it's only been 9 months but sometimes I wonder what she looks like now, how she's getting on. I loved her so much and I regret things I did in the relationship, I can see that I wasn't fully committed and coming out of uni, my first priority was getting a job. Which took a while to do and caused a lot of issues.

 

Basically I would like some advice as to what I should do next..do I just carry on like I'm doing in the hope that I will stop thinking about her? Do I contact her? Do I need to see her one last time?

 

For me going from contacting each other constantly for 6 years to a complete stop has been difficult but I'm struggling to get her out of my head. I do just think about her...any advice would be very welcome. Thanks

[dreamstate83]

Take it from someone that's been there. If you contact her now and get blown off, you will literally be where you were 2-3 weeks post breakup. Do you remember how down you were? How sad? How pathetic?

 

Do you want to start over with feeling that again?

[ItxWillxGetxBetter]

I agree with Dreamstate. Do not contact her and continue on your path. If you contact her you will have wasted 9 months and gone back to square one. I know you are curious on hows shes doing but I would leave it alone. I mean you said it yourself....everytime you were curious about her and looked at her profile pix where did that get you? Wasn't pretty was it? You need to continue on your path without her. Be strong and leave it alone. Don't scratch that itch so to speak. Good luck.

[gullibleme]

I think it may be unfair to ask your friends to unfriend her on Fb, they may not want to be put in that position...just block her yourself then you won't see anything she posts on any ones statuses...it helped me "out of sight out of mind". Don't go back to feeling humiliated when she doesn't respond if you contact her that is the worst part...it does get better...good luck

[movingon12]

If she's posting photos of herself with her new boyfriend, she's moved on. If you met up, what would happen? She would tell you how happy she is with her new boyfriend and how great life is. That won't make you feel better.

 

Block her on facebook.

Do not contact her.

[smint]

Dear mpz,I know exactly how you feel,because I am in the same situation,I a was left for someone else 8 months ago,and we were together for 7 years.

As you said,it is difficult to go complete NC,after hearing from each other every day for so long time.

Promise me that you will not contact her,please don't,I am also coming into temptations,but they don't deserve it,they want us to feel lost and lonely.Just be patient,what goes around,comes around,I am strong believer in karma.

 

I also dated with two jerks,after BU,but those guys were interested only in sex,I was a little bit hurt,because new failures,but that is normal,after 7 years,I need to come to myself,to find out what I want,like you have to do too,we can't expect that everything is going to be smooth one period of time...I hope it's going to be better,but dooon't you dare contacting her,ignore her,that hurts the most!!!

 

And seeing ex with someone new on fb,it is traumatic!!!I also asked my friends to unfriend him,and I blocked my ex.I hate those comments here"pictures wit new bf/gf are showing that they are moving on".It is very interesting,yes they are moving on,and what about us???I know that they are moving on,but is this fair???Isn't that cruel?You used to swear to someone for love for so many years,and when something"better''(it is a question is it better)came along,I don't need you anymore...Right?

 

And when you know that you are the cause of the pain to one person,are you trying to hurt him/her more(by"moving on"and posting new pictures how"happy you are")?That just shows how selfish and insecure they are!Be strong!Get out of state she wants you to be!If I can,you can too!!!

[Rajman]

Bro its ok, I am going through the same thing. My first love and wife of seven years is doing excatly the samething, beleive me man this will make you stronger she is a bitch and thats just it. I am as hurt as you are man and hate fact that you are thinking about her and you cant do anything to stop it. Learn from it man and never make the mistake that you made in the relationship with her again...... I was with my girl from the age of 17 to 25 we broke up in march. I`ll my story as a reply to your post might make you fell a bit better

[Rajman]

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Hey guys I just wanted to share my story really becauseright now I feel really sorry for myself..

OK so here goes, It all started when I was for years old Iremember it very well... out for the blue one day my next door neighbours hadguest from UK I went there to to meet my friend and this beautiful 5 years olddark skin and perfect girl opened the door she was a naughty child and hug meso hard that I started crying her is Simi and she is the love of my life.....

Ok I know this is strange but from that moment on I knewthat there was something there we were the worst enemies but whenever we willbe alone we were the best friends we would talk about everything, She wouldcome to Mauritius twice a year with her family and we were enemies but bestfriends as well as we grew up its becameobvious that we were in love, one day When I was 11 years old I told her at theairport when she was going back that I have something to tell but I was tooscared.... I told her I will tell her next time she in Mauritius, after thatevery time she would come on holiday we will spend all our time together I meanI`ll come back from school she will be at my house waiting for me when I wassixteen she finally manage to get me to say to her how I feel I was shy like alittle girl but said those word I love you, then she made me wait a year andtold me she love me too and always has which we both knew it was Christmas eveafter that she put her hand over my eyes and kissed me I will never forgetit...

Ok so after all that her parents find out stopped her formcoming to Mauritius they thought I wasn’t good enough for her because she wasfrom a rich background and I wasn’t.

So I left my country my parents took a loan to help me outthey knew how much I loved her and she was dying to be with me too she wasabout to quit uni and move but I didn’t want that.

I moved to UK in 2004 and we got married we were so happy Ilost my job in 2010 and was really depressed and felt home sick then we startedto argue as I was in and out of jobs a lot in December 2011 she said she couldn’tdo it anymore but I keep telling her don’t give we can make this work on the 5thof March 2012 I got the job that I wanted on the same day she kicked me outsaying its just a break within two weeks she had file for divorce and paid someto come to my place to force me to sign it by May we were divorced and she hada new fiancé already only I know what I went through and it hurt me so much nowI am alone in this country and I cry myself to bed every day I am crying rightnow while typing this because I miss her so much, I will never get back withher she hurt me too much...

This morning I sent an email saying how can you move on sofast, her BF reply saying **** off loser Simi is with me and will be the restof her life, she has moved on with me.... move on prick and that hurt a lot that’smy story guys any advice....

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[mpz]

Thanks everyone for your advice, I will continue on as I have been and won't contact her. Just needed some other opinions as my friends were telling me that maybe I do need to talk to her to get some closure but I will leave it for the time being.

 

Any Ideas why she may have tried to call me at 4am a couple of months ago? Just drunk perhaps and I haven't heard from her since?

[itsmyfault]

Thanks everyone for your advice, I will continue on as I have been and won't contact her. Just needed some other opinions as my friends were telling me that maybe I do need to talk to her to get some closure but I will leave it for the time being.

 

Any Ideas why she may have tried to call me at 4am a couple of months ago? Just drunk perhaps and I haven't heard from her since?

 

Id suspect she was drunk. My ex did the same to me, They say the truth comes out when we are drunk, but that sure doesnt mean people will go through with what they said.

 

Hell, my ex asked me to go and see her, she asked me to sing to her like i used to.... the following morning she tells me she is seeing someone.

 

suckered me in and beat me down. WOMEN ARE HEAD CASES.

[flitzanu]

you need to block her on fb. that way she stops showing up ANYWHERE in your life.

 

if she called at 4AM and it was that important, she woulda left a message or tried again.