movingon12 Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 (edited) Hi, I'm really confused and would appreciate your thoughts. summer 2007 - my husband cheats on me, we break up. He doesn't contact me at all and moves on with his apparently great life with multiple girlfriends. winter 2008 - ex contacts me, wanting to be friends and to get back together. I say no. we start divorce proceedings. I block him on facebook. summer 2009 - I bump into him in a bar one night, he's drunk and tells me he set up another fb account so he 'could see my face'. winter 2009- he contacts me again wanting to be friends, I say no, I'm seeing someone, it's not appropriate. He says he's been seeing someone himself for a long time. spring 2011 - he contacts me on fb (I guess I must have unblocked him at some point) to say he noticed I'd got married (I'd changed my name on fb) and congratulations. I say thanks. 3 weeks ago - he emails me - twice - to ask for the address of the flat we used to own. I assume he needs it for tax reasons or something, so I reply and tell him. He writes back to say he had been looking up the price of the flats and how expensive they are now, blah blah. I didn't reply. 3 weeks + 2 days ago - he sends me a long email complaining that I'd blocked him fb. I hadn't - I just have my settings so that only friends of friends can find me. He said that "one of us was happy and married and expecting a baby". I'm freaked out that he knows about the baby - because he shouldn't be able to access my fb page. (plus if he could see from fb that I was pregnant, why was he complaining that I'd blocked him). I reply to say I hadn't blocked him, and i found it weird he knew about my baby. 3 days ago - he sends me a ranting email complaining that I was lying about not blocking him. That he had a 'reserve fb account' and he could see me on that, but not on his normal one, and he was 'the only one who had wished the other well'. I tried to block him on fb, but I couldn't find him - I assume he'd already blocked me. I wrote back to say he should stop cyber stalking me. He writes a nasty reply back saying that i'm flattering myself and always thinking about myself. I replied to tell him to move on. In the minute it took me to work out how to block his emails, he'd written back to say he had moved on a long time ago and to please stop emailing him. What on earth??? I know his gfs name, and she has a public profile on fb, so I can see they're still together. Plus I'm married. And pregnant. So I don't think he got in touch to try to get back together. He didnt mention his g/f in any of the emails - so he wasn't emailing me to gloat about how happy he was without me - he actually implied that I was the only happy one. He didn't write to say he wanted to be friends, he was mainly just rude. He didn't write to say sorry for how our marriage ended. So why on earth did he contact me? And why is he so freaked out that he couldn't see my fb page? And why is telling me not to email him. I don't email him - *he* emails *me*. Is he just crazy? Is he just looking for sympathy? From me?? I'm trying not to think about, but the whole thing is really bugging me. Any thoughts gratefully received. Edited November 18, 2012 by movingon12
Liz2012 Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 Are you asking because you want a meaning behind him contacting? As if you want him to be? or because you want a way to make him go away - which is probably ignore him and block them all on FB etc...?
Author movingon12 Posted November 18, 2012 Author Posted November 18, 2012 Hi, thanks for reading all that! I'm asking why people think he contacted me and then complained he couldn't see my fb page, and then got nasty. If it was to apologise or gloat or try to get back together, I could understand: but it didn't appear to be any of those things. Why else does an ex get in touch? I realise I'll probably never know, but I'm really confused - and slightly disturbed that's he's behaving like this given that we broke up 5.5 years ago.
Jono85 Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 Hi, thanks for reading all that! I'm asking why people think he contacted me and then complained he couldn't see my fb page, and then got nasty. If it was to apologise or gloat or try to get back together, I could understand: but it didn't appear to be any of those things. Why else does an ex get in touch? I realise I'll probably never know, but I'm really confused - and slightly disturbed that's he's behaving like this given that we broke up 5.5 years ago. do u still have feelings for him or something? otherwise, i'm not sure why you care.
Author movingon12 Posted November 18, 2012 Author Posted November 18, 2012 I just find it very strange, and slightly creepy, and it's going to be hard to forget about it until I can make sense of it. Maybe it's just the hormones talking, but I'm really bothered by how nasty he got.
Hopeful714 Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 Its simple. He keeps contacting you because he is a idiot. For some crazy reason in his messed up mind he feels that this is acceptable and that you will always "belong" to him in some weird way although you have moved on and appear happy. Since he cheated, Im guessing that he needs and wants constant validation from women. Since he keeps contacting I suspect he is not happy with his current gf, nor will he ever be because he doesn't know how to have a normal relationship. Most likely he is jealous of yours. Basically he is a wack-job. You are not completely w/o fault here however because although he is the initiator, you respond to him which in turn tells him that it is ok to contact and he will get whatever it is he "needs" from you at that moment whether it just be the ego boost that yes, you still respond. Being a married woman w child on way you need to block him, ignore him, tell him to go away and never come back. If you dont, it reflects poorly on yourself in a sense as you may enjoy the attention. And if I was your spouse, I would find that disrespectful. Considering this has been going on as long as it has, Im surprised your spouse has not questioned it or you as to why it has not been stopped by yourself. 3
Author movingon12 Posted November 18, 2012 Author Posted November 18, 2012 Its simple. He keeps contacting you because he is a idiot. For some crazy reason in his messed up mind he feels that this is acceptable and that you will always "belong" to him in some weird way although you have moved on and appear happy. Since he cheated, Im guessing that he needs and wants constant validation from women. Since he keeps contacting I suspect he is not happy with his current gf, nor will he ever be because he doesn't know how to have a normal relationship. Most likely he is jealous of yours. Basically he is a wack-job. You are not completely w/o fault here however because although he is the initiator, you respond to him which in turn tells him that it is ok to contact and he will get whatever it is he "needs" from you at that moment whether it just be the ego boost that yes, you still respond. Being a married woman w child on way you need to block him, ignore him, tell him to go away and never come back. If you dont, it reflects poorly on yourself in a sense as you may enjoy the attention. And if I was your spouse, I would find that disrespectful. Considering this has been going on as long as it has, Im surprised your spouse has not questioned it or you as to why it has not been stopped by yourself. Thank you - You've made a lot of good points. I think the reason I have responded in the past (albeit *very* limited responses) is that I want to try to be mature about this. We're both adults, so it seems crazy to me that I should need to resort to blocking and ignoring *5 years* after the initial break up. He contacted me 18 months ago, and then again 3 weeks ago, so it's not as though this is constantly going on. As I mentioned, I honestly thought when he contacted me about our old address that he needed it for some sort of official paperwork. My husband is an incredibly kind and forgiving guy (far more than me!), and in fact he told me I should be polite and answer the ex's question about the address. But you're right, I shouldn't have let myself get sucked into his rants about fb. He (the ex) appears to have blocked me on fb, which means *I* can't block *him*. But my settings are such that he shouldn't in theory be able to see my page anyway (though clearly somehow he could with his "reserve account"). I've blocked his email address as of a couple of days ago. I think you might be right about the jealousy thing, I can't think what else it would be.
yuppup Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 Do you mean you blocked his email address on FB? That's how I've been able to block others when they've already blocked me on there. Give that a shot. I had an ex who liked to unblock me periodically just to throw verbal diarrhea in my direction. 1
Author movingon12 Posted November 18, 2012 Author Posted November 18, 2012 (edited) I blocked his emails from reaching my email account, and I have blocked one of his email addresses on facebook, but I suspect he has more than one and I've no idea which one(s) he uses for his facebook account(s). So you're right, if he unblocks me, he might be able to see my page. But I (wrongly) thought if I'm set to only be found by 'friends of friends' he shouldn't be able to find me anyway. Edited November 18, 2012 by movingon12
dreamingoftigers Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 If his "reserve account" is connected to a mutual friend, he'd be able to see you. Plus: if you game on FB like farmville or metro etc etc, he could've slipped by looking like a "connection" with a different false name. Very common. This would mean that he is on your fb, despite the original block you thought you had.
GG3 Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 Even when I thought only MY friends were on my Facebook account I discovered I had a mole who would show my ex things. It's possible someone on your account is showing him things as well. Yes his behavior doesn't make sense. Why does he care so much. Does he drink?
Author movingon12 Posted November 18, 2012 Author Posted November 18, 2012 I'm as certain as I can be that we don't have any mutual friends (in life or on fb). I really limit the number of friends I have on fb to people who are genuinely 'friends' - and they're all either people I've met since we broke up, or people I worked with or were childhood/uni friends. He's not friends with any of them. I don't game either, so it can't be that.
Author movingon12 Posted November 18, 2012 Author Posted November 18, 2012 Even when I thought only MY friends were on my Facebook account I discovered I had a mole who would show my ex things. It's possible someone on your account is showing him things as well. Yes his behavior doesn't make sense. Why does he care so much. Does he drink? We broke up a few months after moving country, so none of my friends in this country have even met him, and although most of my friends from my home country had met him once or twice, I'd be really surprised if they would add him - especially given what a nasty break up we had. When we were together he didn't drink much (he was a real lightweight) but I've no idea what he's like now.
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