michael21 Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 Well, I don't know where to start and I guess in a way still don't quite know what I am feeling. My ex and I were together 9 years and 11 months, we were high school sweethearts and had been engaged for a year. We were both our firsts... 3 weeks ago she asked me to meet her, and I knew then that something was wrong. She had written me a letter about all the things that had lead up to the break up, and stated that we were not "In Love" but that she loved me more than anyone. The next 3 days I felt as if I was died, she was not only my fiancee but my best friend. I have been true to her, I never cheated, lied, and I have always been there for her. Throughout these 9 years I would do just about everything with her and I didn't really have any other friends that I hang out with on a regular basis (a mistake that I am now paying for now). I feel that I am on a roller coaster of emotions and everyday I don't know what I am going to wake up feeling, sometimes I am positive, and other days I am in the dumps. I have seen her twice since the break up, which I guess was a mistake in a way because both of our emotions were still going crazy (we didn't fight or leave on bad terms but I could feel we still had feelings for each other), but I did the usual "ask for a second chance" etc. that I have since read is a big no. We have talked on the phone and text very little. Anyway I am not sure why I am writing this, I guess it just helps to get it off my chest. I am trying to move forward, but at this moment I am not sure who I am; we were together for such a long time and since a young age that we became one if that makes sense. Now I feel that I am alone, and unsure of who I am. I wanted to know if anyone has been in a similar situation and how they dealt with these feelings etc.
LostOne1 Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 I get what you are going through.. I was with my ex only for 3 yrs though. But I did a lot of what you did.. spent all my time with her that I had and threw away my friends for her. We basically did everything together and I know what it feels like when you lose her. You feel like your life has shut down, you don't know who you are, what you want anymore. You feel miserable and confused, nothing seems to help. Your mind thinks over and over again. You try to solve the problem but see no proper resolution. I know it and been through it 3 months ago. I am now slowly coming to terms of accepatance of what happened. But 9 yrs is tough, because that's mostly all of your younger life gone with one person. That is one reason why I am happy it's over on my end. Because now I can spend my time doing things I want before I find someone else to settle down. I'm only 25, so it gives me a chance to go out and enjoy my time. I guess me and my ex felt tied down to each other. I personally started to get tired of always having to do certain things her way all the time and if it wasn't done her way then I got blamed for it. At the same time I messed up and pushed her away at times without even knowing what I was doing till now. For me it took me awhile to move on. I basically tried to always work it out, but it always ended up with us fighting. My guess is her emotions and the negative ones are still with her. And she hasn't let them go, so she comes out acting like the ONLY victum and thinking only she is in pain. My only advice is to take it slow. It's gonna be VERY tough the first 2 months, but after that things slowly get better. You create a new routine and get used to it slowly and used to not having her around anymore.
ItxWillxGetxBetter Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 Hi Michael, I know what you are going through. I just recently exited a 9 year relationship. My ex fiancee broke up with me about a little over a month now and its been hard. When it first happened I lost my identity. When you are in a relationship that long you lose out/neglect your friends and focus all your time on your ex. When your ex leaves then you feel hollow. You don't know who you are and you start freaking out trying to find yourself. My friends tell me to do things that I always wanted but never got a chance to because of her. The problem is I did everything with her so now I'm not even sure what I like to do. Its still hard but I try to focus on making myself better. I hit gym, focus on my career and do things that will make me better in the long run. When you are hurt it definitely sucks. I know its hard to see but there is a silver lining. When you are hurt you do things to make yourself better. You grow. For me, I changed the way I dress, loss some extra weight that I gained while with her and I'm trying new things. I reflect and try to better myself both inside and out. Basically, I'm trying to redefine myself. Its been a month and some time since my breakup and I can see the differences in me. While you are going through it you don't really see it but as time passes you will eventually look back and see the progress that you have made. I'm not gonna lie...it does suck...buy redefining yourself will help you pass the time. Good luck! We will both get through this...its just a matter of time.
Author michael21 Posted November 19, 2012 Author Posted November 19, 2012 Thanks to both of you, what you are saying is very similar to my situation. I am 26 so we spent all of our young lives together. I am going to start hitting the gym and making myself better all around. Thanks guys I appreciate your replies.
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