AmylovesBen Posted August 6, 2004 Posted August 6, 2004 I have been with my boyfriend for a year and just over 3 months. We are very much in love. We love to spend time together, and he is my best friend. I never thought I could find such a deep connection with another person. It sounds perfect, and it is. But my head wont let me be happy. Every time I am away from him, my mind starts to wander, and I begin to feel terrible things. I wonder whether I am with the right person, and whether he deserves better than me. Sometimes I feel completely happy, and everthing will be okay but I always know that feeling isn't going to last. I'm not sure where to go next. Do I break up with him and risk losing my true love? Or do I just keep going along with everything as it is? I feel like I don't deserve him, if I feel like this. It makes me cry so much. The idea of being away from him...forever, feels like I could die, I could never get over it. Another problem I have is when we are intimate together. I sometimes get a feeling in the pit of my stomach, like I am going to choke, and it is difficult to ignore. But I don't know what to do about it. I always tell my boyfriend how I am feeling, but he doesn't know what to do, and I am afraid of hurting him. I worry I am afraid. I have never been in relationship like this before, where a person would put your life before theirs, and do anything to make you happy. It's a big responsibility. I have never felt so selfless. It isn't in my nature. I have learnt so much from this man. He is my knight. I sometimes feel a little bit trapped. I know that's my fault. I always want to be with him. But it sometimes feels difficult to do things by myself. I know I can, and I should, it's just something I have to work on. Especially if I want a long term future with my man. Which I do. I know that being with your boyfriend 24/7 isn't healthy, but it just feels so natural. Sometimes I think I might be going insane. I just want to be happy, and I want Ben to be happy too. People say that true love never has doubts, but I do. I really want to be with him, but I need to know that it can work. Thanks for any advice in advance, Amy x x
overseas2004 Posted August 6, 2004 Posted August 6, 2004 Gee Amy Wouldn't it be nice if we all had a crystal ball and were able to look into the future and be assured that our relationships would work. Might save a lot of heartache yeah??? But then if we did spare the heartache how would we really know how love feels if we didn't get to sink to the depths of being hurt? My advice to you is to enjoy what you have. It sounds like a nice little place to be in this dark and difficult world. The moments (I assure) you don't last. So savor what you get. If you can't learn to JUST ENJOY then you will be stuck with that pit in your stomach. Not a nice feeling... I have been there and it sucks. And don't worry about breaking up. It does hurt alot I agree, but we all live through it and go on to better and nicer things. Regards Overseas2004
chicasha Posted August 6, 2004 Posted August 6, 2004 True love...doesn't always mean no doubts. It means....overcoming your doubts, and truly trusting yourself and the relationship you are in. I think you hve a GOOD thing going. A lot of people would kill to be in your place (myself included!!). I think the doubts you are having....are normal. What you must learn to do (and only YOU can do this...ur boyfriend, no matter how supportive he can be, cannot possibly climb into your head to figure things out for you!)....is to trust yourself...trust ur boyfriend...trust the relationship. Enjoy what you have. Purposely schedule some alone time by yourself...meditate.....enjoy being alone too. Don't be too dependend on the relationship......remember before you got INTO the relationship....you were by yourself, and you probabably did just fine. Remember that feeling, and remember to be INDEPENDENT. That will only help you appreciate your relationship more. I think you will be ok.......you just need to look deep inside yourself and find the strength (yes....you do have the strength..u just need to find it!) to trust thta things WILL be ok, and you do not need to be with your boyfriend 24-7. A good relationship only gets better when the 2 people can learn to appreciate their alone time. I hope it works out for you...good luck...and keep us posted...!!
Author AmylovesBen Posted August 6, 2004 Author Posted August 6, 2004 Thankyou so much. I was so worried you were going to advise me that we weren't worth carrying on with, for some reason. I nearly cried when I read your replies. I know how much Ben means to me, and he is so worth fghting for and working for. chicasha "Purposely schedule some alone time by yourself...meditate.....enjoy being alone too. Don't be too dependend on the relationship......remember before you got INTO the relationship....you were by yourself, and you probabably did just fine." I am going to take your advice. I am starting university doing quite a demanding teacher training course in September, so I'll need to learn to be less depedant on him. Absence makes the heart grow fonder right? We are a strong couple, I love us as we are. I would like to try some new things though. I love to dance, and haven't been able to join a new class since I did my A levels last year. I am also interested in joining a Pentecostal church, but have so been a bit scared to voice my interest. I have been very worried recently that fate, or destiny, or God were working agains me, and didn't want me to be happy. I guess this is what growing up, learning more about yourself, and learning to le is all about. Thanks again, and keep giving advice, it's really helping. Love Amy x x
Author AmylovesBen Posted August 6, 2004 Author Posted August 6, 2004 My keyboard aint working properly. That was meant to say learning to love, not le. Amy x x
YellowLioness Posted August 6, 2004 Posted August 6, 2004 Alrighty, I will be the devil's advocate: Why do you think he is too good for you? Is it because he is nice to you, and treats you like you should be treated? OR- is it because you feel guilt because you can't love him as much as he does you? About the suffocation during sex- Do you feel emotionally smothered by your boyfriend? Are you getting enough personal space and freedom? Sometimes, these emotional factors will affect your sex life. It sounds like you are truthfully happy. I'm just giving you questions to ask to sort of... alieve whatever problems ail the relationship. It sounds like you're being treated pretty well, just a bit commitment-phobic. :-)
Author AmylovesBen Posted August 6, 2004 Author Posted August 6, 2004 Thanks for the suggestions, and I think you have some good points. I do send a large amount of my free time with my boyfriend, and although I enjoy this time, I feel that in some ways we have both neglected our personal space. It's a work-in-progress, and I think it is very important for a healthy long term future. I'm just glad we both realise it, and that we can talk to each other about everything. As for the commitment phobic idea, I think you may have a point there to. But I'm working on it. He is so worth it. Love Amy x x
mørkt selvmord Posted August 9, 2004 Posted August 9, 2004 Originally posted by YellowLioness Alrighty, I will be the devil's advocate Aren't you always the Devil's Advocate? I feel so out of place here.. im so young and unexperienced >.< WELL ANYWAYS!! Continue the relationship and as The Devil's Advocate (<-- *insert introdution music here*) and chicasha said.. spedning some times alone may be a good thing. I don't know how liverpool is, but London is mostly always cold. Go up to the beach one day (if you can.. like i said i dunno about liverpool) and just relax.. if you want to start a diary (if u have one already then great) an vent out everything on how you are feeling. I have a diary but i cant write in it.. i kind cut myself really bad to AmyLovesBen <-- i love that name... i was going to choose that bcuz my name is Amy and i love my Ben.. hes my baby rat and rocks *shows a picture of Ben air guitaring* btw.. DO NOT BE FRIGHTENED.. until you all get to know me better.. i just joined... i assure you i get wierder than this
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