It feels like I'm in a break up!

[sarah1268]

Hi guys, I have strange situation and I was wondering if anyone could offer advice, its been ages since I last posted. I have been lurking this forum for a few weeks and I don’t think I have read a story similar to mine. The thing is, I feel like I am in a breakup, but my bf has not broken up with me. I feel this aching pain in my chest; I suffer from night terrors about him leaving me, ditching me when we have a date etc. Even last night when I was asleep next to him I felt like I was far away.

 

Now he did break up with me back in May this year, we were separated for a month and I didn’t contact him once, he called me every week until he begged for me back. Since we have been back together things are not the same. He isn’t attentive like he was for example if he had a night out with the boys he would contact me the next day now I find myself having to call him. He used to compromise with me to keep me happy now he just says ‘well I don’t want to, I’m sorry’ if I ask him to do something for me. To be fair, before we broke up he told me I was a nag and I whinge at him which is the main reason for the break, and I have been much better now. But it seems he’s given up on trying to please me.

 

Now, I have asked him on a number of occasions when I feel he just isn’t putting in effort ‘look, are you wanting to beak up with me?’ in a calm rational manner and he always says ‘no, I love you’. He still kissed and hugs me and is affectionate too.

I’m so confused, my subconscious is freaking out like we have already broken up, I get anxious if he hasn’t called and I’ve lost my appetite. I know there is no on else, I can freely check his phone and fb (but I don’t) and he never lies about who he is with.

 

Has anyone been in this situation? What should I do? The thought of leaving him kills me but I am just terrified he is going to end it!

FYI we have been together since we were 18, both had previous serious relationships and are now both 22.

[Indy C]

My situation was close but not entirely the same. However I do know all the feelings you were describing farely well. How long have the changes in his behaviour been going on ?

[sarah1268]

His behavior has been like this for a few months, and I have been feeling like this for about a month.

What happen with your situation?

[Indy C]

It didnt end well for me...Me and my girl started dating when were 17 and we had some bumps along the way broke up and got back togehter but recently we had our big break shortly after I turned 21.

 

We would be laying in bed and I had the exact same feelings your describing right now and i asked her constantly if she just wanted to break up, and most of the time I would get a no. Other times I got a i dont know, and this went on for 2 months. It took me finally telling her that we weren't in the same place we had been 4 years ago, and that was the end of me and her. After that she became a lot happier and admited to wanting to break up for a while, and now she is dating the guy who was my best friend at the time.

 

The only advice I can offer is hope for the best but prepare yourself to deal with the possibility that it might be over for you two.

[Treasa]

I was in the same situation with my ex, who I broke up with two days ago, and I think you should break up with him. If he asks why, tell him it's because you aren't getting what you need, and you can do better. Don't get emotional about this. I can't stress that enough. Keep it short, stay dignified, and have an air of confidence about you.

 

Either he's really in love with you and will want to improve to make you happy, or....he's not, and you don't want to be with someone like that.

 

It's hard, trust me it's hard, but it's also very freeing. The anxiety gets replaced by a sadness that DOES fade. You just have to be brave enough to face the pain.