I feel like a FOOL to believe this was a true love! Broke up with selfish girlfriend

[dchin1985]

We are both 27, both career oriented and have decent job, but she is materialistic. I dated her for 3 years and we just broke up yesterday. We were absolutely amazing, we were all over eachother and sex was too great. Her parents thought we should just get married and build a life together and support us to get married. We talked about getting married and looked at rings recently. She gave me the feeling like no one else ever did. I set my heart on her and gave everything to her unconditionally, but nothing else hurts like that. Feels like I am just a fool to believe that this was true!

 

Subtle things began to change after she changed her job and relocated further away from me earlier this year. We no longer date like what we used to. I would ask her lets do this together (like movie, dinner date, get away weekend, drinks, hang out with my friend from overseas), she would say she is too tired and not interested. Our life was just between her work place and her home to have dinner. No matter how i try to do things as a couple, she wouldn't come out. We used to talk on the phone for hours and lately she just wasn't interested at all. We hardly have sex in the last 2 months. It feels like I am just unconditionally giving and trying to make a relationship work, but she is just taking and consuming and no longer contributed into the relationship! Felt like i was alone in it!

 

So just 3 weeks ago, she began to go clubbing with friends and drink functions with new people she meet, i think she just enjoy the attention these guys gave her and she told me she felt great and felt she is still attractive and wanted. I played it cool, until I sensed that some guy keep messaging her. And one day she had to go drinking function with business friends (i know what exactly these guys are up for) and later she told me she might be going to overseas with them to celebrate a birthday! I expressed that i am not comfortable at all, and she questioned I don't trust her and i returned "how can i trust you when you only met these people for second time and going overseas for drinking party with them, i know what they are after and you know i am not comfortable but yet insist to go". I was so frustrated that it feels she no longer cares about me and I broke off and told her that i want to go overseas alone for a weekend to think things through. Apparently, she took it very hard too and fainted in the toilet.

 

She demanded to have 2 weeks space. Everyone thought we were made for each other and we would get pass this stage easily. But it felt like we were so distanced and she seemed very angry at me and just didn't want to talk to me anymore. Yesterday we broke up and she told me basically she has thought very carefully and think that we cannot continue anymore as she lost her feelings for me and admitted that she didn't contribute to the relationship. She just made her decision without asking to see whether we can compromise!!! I mean what else can i say when she insist to end the relationship without giving a chance for compromise.

 

I thank her for the wonderful 3 years and just walk away from it all and be strong... but deep inside I really really miss what it was and feeling what a waste because it felt so true and so real! I feel like a fool to believe this one will last and just a fool tricked to believe we were inseparable! How i didn't notice her subtle sign and just keep giving in and giving in. How things just turn upside down in such a short time, one day we feel like top of the world and another day we cried in front of each other. Why was she crying so badly when she is the one to make this decision.

[carhill]

Tips from older man:

 

Tears come from many places.

 

Your apparent differing views regarding financial matters are or can be a fundamental disconnect in a marriage.

 

Sometimes life gives us gifts. Her time in your life was a gift. Her absence now is also a gift.

 

You're young. That's the best gift of all.

 

Good luck.

[LostOne1]

This is what happened to me in August.

 

Our 3 yrs anniversary was then and around that time she broke up with me. Said she gave it a week of throught while we weren't talking that week and said it was over. She never once talked to me in person. There was 1 time when she did want to work it out, but a day or 2 later she changed her mind and said no.

 

All I can say is man.. leave her alone. For my ex I didn't give her the space she needed and well I lost her. Then again I might have had lost her anyways, because she normally makes a decision ALWAYS and sticks with it. So us getting back on her end would've been tough.

 

Its going to be hard now for the next few months. ALl I can say is don't contact her and just toss your phone away in your house somewhere. Spend time with all your friends, and realize you have no control.

 

And don't try to control the problems because it will get worse if you do. Take my advice I am in month 3 and it DOES get better. I feel better now and more free now.

 

I do miss my ex and days like today it hurts. But I just tell myself this is how it is now and NOTHING I do can bring her back to me. So I am left to move on and hope someone else comes into my life and sticks with me.

[dchin1985]

Thanks. Maybe i should not called her selfish in the title at the first place. It all happens for a reason and i accepted the reality.

 

I woke up this morning feeling pain and bitterness in my heart, and she was in my dream too, but I just keep reminding myself to move on. I will just build a great life, hang out with friends, make new friends, develop myself, build a business that will make more money and of course have fun.

 

I dreamed that it would last, but it was only a dream in the end.

[nan83]

Understand your pain right now. Take it day by day.

 

Broke up with my ex 3 months ago and it hit me hard.

The way we ended things, no explanation, no contact, he just cut me out of his life after almost 4 years together. Just for that fight we had.

 

What helped through was my friends, talking to a professional, find a new hobby unfortunately for me it was drinking every week (still do) which is NOT something I recommend. You just get more depressed.

Now i've started to go to the gym and it feels great!

 

This mite sound weird but it really helped!

The morning is the worst right? so what I do is talking to my self in front of a mirror. Say what it is on my mind and why i am sad?

 

Take a shower

long walk to clear my head

make sure you are never alone, bother your friends that is okay!

reading a lot of stories about breaks ups, it always makes me feel like i am not alone

watching movies or series that I like

cry if i have to dont hold it in

make plans, what you would like to do and achieve and stick to it

watching you tube clips of how to get over your ex

(weird but it actually helps)

 

a few things you can try:)

 

After 3 months apart no contact, he recently start texting me asking if i hate him and that he cant part as strangers after 4 years together. (well he was the one who decided to cut me out of his life and told his family to do so as well)

 

Permanently this version of what happen that night is different than mine.

After 3 moths after sending him a letter, text no reply. NOW he wants to talk..

Every time I start to feel like i am doing fine now, than i get a text from him which breaks me down and i am right back on square one again:(

 

But I keep doing these examples and it is helping me a lot!

 

Good luck and hang in there you are NOT alone //N

[dchin1985]

It has been nearly a month since we splitted up and a month since no contact. During this month, I realized a lot of things, well we both failed on our parts in the relationship, we thought nothing would destory us but in the end we took each other for granted.

 

She is still in my thoughts everyday and she was in my dream last night. I woke up this morning and have been feeling sad all day, today I am really her and I miss what we once shared together. And i wonder if she has missed me at all?? But I know I am moving on into a new life, I will focus on my career, my goal and build a happy life around myself. I have engaged headhunters to change jobs and have been busy with interviews. Trying out new things, activities and making new friends and dating different girls. I have a feeling that my new life will be great and successful.

 

When I saw my friend and his wife, I realized what i really need in a relationship.

 

Checking out. Update next time.

[LostOne1]

When I saw my friend and his wife, I realized what i really need in a relationship.

 

And what is that?

 

I'm glad you went NC and have been working on new things.

 

I know the pain as I said earlier. I was in a 3 yr relationship too. Never thought it would end.. we had our fights and all, but we always talked it out after the anger was gone and we never left each other.

 

So it's tough to see it end and think HOW and WHY wouldn't we fix it and keep it alive.

 

We both pal will get through this tough time and we will have a better future JUST from this experience if we use it as a learning experience.

[dchin1985]

Totally agree with you... compared to the last time i lost of a loved one, this time i handled it more effectively. I think realizing this is how it is now, stay confident and realizing the problems are very helpful when you are determined to move on. It hurts but it gets better. Every now and then, i would walk by places that remind me the moment me and her Once shared, I would take a look but i would just smiled to the memories and walk pass it.

 

Lostone1. When i looked at the couple, they would argue like kids but they are there for eachother. Like she doesnt have unrealistic expectation of him, they would work together as a couple and contribute to the living. definitely not one sided at all. Even her parents are well off, but she would lower her living lifestyle down and still live happily with my friend. like she think pass the materialistic side. Well i told him that i am very happy for him.

Edited December 16, 2012 by dchin1985