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What would you do? He's rich and happy, I'm broke and ill..

rainboweyes

By rainboweyes
in General Relationship Discussion

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rainboweyes New Member

rainboweyes

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Posted

My boyfriend and I are both in our late twenties. We have been together for a year. We are both incredibly unique people that enjoy each other's company, have the same values and vision for our lives and great sex life.

 

I became deathly ill soon after we met. He cared for me day and night, nursing me back to health, taking me to specialist after specialist until I got better. I am still not 100% better, but I am a lot better. This lasted for a whole entire year.

 

He and his family are wealthy. Because I live with him, I live in a big beautiful house, go on fancy vacations and drive a luxury vehicle. I have all of my needs met and more. He is down to earth, kind, funny, sexy, loving, thoughtful, helpful- basically the perfect guy.

 

My parents are dead and I don't have any family or friends. Right before I met him, my job was about to go down the tubes. I am about $50,000 in debt thanks to my useless degree. Couple that with a year of unemployment (during the time of my illness) and a bad economy, and you will find that I feel hopeless to help myself right now.

 

The problem is that lately I feel like I am bringing him down. Although he believes in me endlessly, supports me, pays for and sends me to education classes, it just seems like I am going nowhere for the time being.

 

I make the house messy, look like hell and am grouchy or depressed often. He has invested so much in me and believes in me so much.

 

I feel like if I could make enough to support myself, then he could truly see whether he wants to be with me or not. He continually says he does but I'm sure he feels obligated to be with me because I have no one else and not enough money to survive on my own.

 

I am so confused and upset. I just don't know what to do.

 

I wasn't like this when he met me. How do I get out of this miserable phase I am going through? What should I do? I feel like I should leave him for his own good but I know he doesn't want that. I don't want that either!!! Help

River Rain Established Member

River Rain

Posted
Posted

My ex was emotionally immature and extremely selfish. He dumped me because he felt as though he didn't deserve me and that he should dump me because, as you so put it "for my own good"...Sweetheart, no offense, but do you see how selfish you are? Yeesh. You don't see a good thing when you have it. You are somehow rejecting something that is so good for you. You have issues that need to be dealt with. People don't realize what they have until they push it away. Good luck.

threebyfate Established Member

threebyfate

Posted
Posted
I make the house messy, look like hell and am grouchy or depressed often. He has invested so much in me and believes in me so much.
This is your start point. Clean up the house and begin taking care of yourself and him too.
  • Like 7
NiceGuyDTW Established Member

NiceGuyDTW

Posted
Posted
My boyfriend and I are both in our late twenties. We have been together for a year. We are both incredibly unique people that enjoy each other's company, have the same values and vision for our lives and great sex life.

 

I became deathly ill soon after we met. He cared for me day and night, nursing me back to health, taking me to specialist after specialist until I got better. I am still not 100% better, but I am a lot better. This lasted for a whole entire year.

 

He and his family are wealthy. Because I live with him, I live in a big beautiful house, go on fancy vacations and drive a luxury vehicle. I have all of my needs met and more. He is down to earth, kind, funny, sexy, loving, thoughtful, helpful- basically the perfect guy.

 

My parents are dead and I don't have any family or friends. Right before I met him, my job was about to go down the tubes. I am about $50,000 in debt thanks to my useless degree. Couple that with a year of unemployment (during the time of my illness) and a bad economy, and you will find that I feel hopeless to help myself right now.

 

The problem is that lately I feel like I am bringing him down. Although he believes in me endlessly, supports me, pays for and sends me to education classes, it just seems like I am going nowhere for the time being.

 

I make the house messy, look like hell and am grouchy or depressed often. He has invested so much in me and believes in me so much.

 

I feel like if I could make enough to support myself, then he could truly see whether he wants to be with me or not. He continually says he does but I'm sure he feels obligated to be with me because I have no one else and not enough money to survive on my own.

 

I am so confused and upset. I just don't know what to do.

 

I wasn't like this when he met me. How do I get out of this miserable phase I am going through? What should I do? I feel like I should leave him for his own good but I know he doesn't want that. I don't want that either!!! Help

 

You feel like you are using him and feel worthless. But, you know what he would have dropped you long ago if he really didn't care. Or if he really didn't love you. You need to simply to talk to him and tell him how you feel. I'm willing to bet this guy will do anything to make you happy. Just talk with him

ja123 Established Member

ja123

Posted
Posted

You are sabotaging the relationship. You have to ask yourself why? It's like you're begging for him to reject you.

 

I think you might need counselling, or at least start with exercise and some self-help books.

 

If you're not working, then you should definitely be doing the housework, have meals on the table, etc.

 

Plus you need to improve your emotional self-regulation, particularly when around him. No one wants to live with a grump.

 

Check out Napoleon Hill - you can see an hour-long video on youtube.

 

Good luck!

ascendotum Established Member

ascendotum

Posted
Posted

What you are describing is only 1 year. It's not like you have been a burden on him for well what I would not consider a long time. The thing is though, you say "I make the house messy, look like hell and am grouchy or depressed often", unless this is related to your medical condition, then its a bit of a different story. If these are factors leading you to think you bringing him down then you do have a measure of control over altering that perception to a degree.

For sure kick starting your career would be a wonderful outcome to boost your self esteem, but I think you need to put on a happy confident face in the meantime. Having a depressed gf is not going to help the relationship, especially when you do have a lot to be thankful for.. living in luxury & having his support. Just make sure he knows how much you appreciate him. Just make the make most of your time to be productive as best you can with your health.

  • Like 1
amaysngrace Established Member

amaysngrace

Posted
Posted

He's stuck with you through a really bad time in your life. He sounds like a keeper to me!

  • Like 1
carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted
I am so confused and upset. I just don't know what to do.

 

Get up tomorrow morning and ask him to take a walk. Some exercise and a little honest communication can do wonders to lift spirits and energize the body. Then, do some of that housework *together*. That's it. See where it goes. Good luck.

  • Like 2
dasein Established Member

dasein

Posted
Posted

Welcome to the forum.

 

Patient: "Doc it hurts when I do this."

Doctor: "Then stop doing that."

taya Established Member

taya

Posted
Posted
My boyfriend and I are both in our late twenties. We have been together for a year. We are both incredibly unique people that enjoy each other's company, have the same values and vision for our lives and great sex life.

 

I became deathly ill soon after we met. He cared for me day and night, nursing me back to health, taking me to specialist after specialist until I got better. I am still not 100% better, but I am a lot better. This lasted for a whole entire year.

 

He and his family are wealthy. Because I live with him, I live in a big beautiful house, go on fancy vacations and drive a luxury vehicle. I have all of my needs met and more. He is down to earth, kind, funny, sexy, loving, thoughtful, helpful- basically the perfect guy.

 

My parents are dead and I don't have any family or friends. Right before I met him, my job was about to go down the tubes. I am about $50,000 in debt thanks to my useless degree. Couple that with a year of unemployment (during the time of my illness) and a bad economy, and you will find that I feel hopeless to help myself right now.

 

The problem is that lately I feel like I am bringing him down. Although he believes in me endlessly, supports me, pays for and sends me to education classes, it just seems like I am going nowhere for the time being.

 

I make the house messy, look like hell and am grouchy or depressed often. He has invested so much in me and believes in me so much.

 

I feel like if I could make enough to support myself, then he could truly see whether he wants to be with me or not. He continually says he does but I'm sure he feels obligated to be with me because I have no one else and not enough money to survive on my own.

 

I am so confused and upset. I just don't know what to do.

 

I wasn't like this when he met me. How do I get out of this miserable phase I am going through? What should I do? I feel like I should leave him for his own good but I know he doesn't want that. I don't want that either!!! Help

 

 

this guy does so much for you and you telling us you cant change some bad ways you have like cleaning up come on now he as giving you the world.. you have everthing you need so wake up and treat him with the same respect nothing is wrong with you this is a choice to be this way and all of us can change if we want to... but all i will say to you is dont take him for granted like you are doing because its going to be a sad day when he say he as have enough....you know how many woman would love a man like that you better not lose him

Taramere Established Member

Taramere

Posted
Posted
I am so confused and upset. I just don't know what to do.

 

I wasn't like this when he met me. How do I get out of this miserable phase I am going through? What should I do? I feel like I should leave him for his own good but I know he doesn't want that. I don't want that either!!! Help

 

You mentioned that you had dealings with medical specialists. Are you still under the care of any of those specialists? If you were to speak to them, you might find that what you're going through is quite common following a period of serious physical illness...and that it's something that can be addressed with correct treatment.

 

I think that you should discuss the situation with a medical professional as your top priority in starting to address this problem. Obviously there's potentially some comfort and a sense of support to be derived from discussing the problem on an anonymous forum, but for proactive treatment of the problem you need some professional, real life input I think.

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