Rebecca2009 Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 So I met this guy on match.com, and we've hung out for about 3 months now. We haven't actually gone on a dinner date, but we did do a beer tasting once and he also comes over alot to watch this show he got me into called arrested development. He hasn't really made any moves on me, and it's usually me that kisses him- we have only made out once at that was at a bar when we were both drinking. So like I've said above, this has been going on for about 3 months. And I forgot to mention that he usually texts me every day or every other day too. So this past Thursday I decided I was going to try something different and just come out and ask him what the deal is with us. So I texted him (maybe a bad idea lol) and said "Hey I know you like to take things slow but we are taking it so slow im afraid ill be pushed to the friend zone. just wondering if you are interested in me romatically?" and he basically responded saying that he doesn't know what he's doing and that he isn't really sure what the next step is to take. Which is just strange to me because this guy is 26 and has been in 2 serious relationships- the last one was 2 years ago. So he keeps saying he is rusty etc with dating. So I basically gave this guy an out, and he said that he is interested if I am, but that he is just confused on what he should do next. So i told him that I was confused because of the lack of physicalness. I'm not expecting sex, because I'm not that type of girl to do that immediately, but at least more than short kisses. lol. So he said "well we'll have to work on that then. i'm not good at this whole dating thing, but stick with me and maybe ill get better". So i told him sure, but he went yesterday without texting me, and then today I texted him asking how his weekend is going so far. He said good and that it was really busy then asked me how mine was. I told him. Then that was it. Like I'm wondering if my directness scared him off. But I mean what is wrong with just asking someone instead of just wondering all the time and making up things in my head of why he acts the way he does. Should I take his lack of texting as a bad sign? I mean I guess it has only been 2 days. . .
todreaminblue Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 It has only been two days so you can relax a little, dating is strange whether you have been in relationships long term or not.....its strange because you aren't sure of the other person you are just getting to know each other so a little awkwardness would seem normal....give it some time and for you both to get to know each other better whether it progresses or not, will become apparent.... he hasn't said anything in those texts to make you believe he doesn't want to get to know you has he?.....best wishes.....deb
NiceGuyDTW Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 So I met this guy on match.com, and we've hung out for about 3 months now. We haven't actually gone on a dinner date, but we did do a beer tasting once and he also comes over alot to watch this show he got me into called arrested development. He hasn't really made any moves on me, and it's usually me that kisses him- we have only made out once at that was at a bar when we were both drinking. So like I've said above, this has been going on for about 3 months. And I forgot to mention that he usually texts me every day or every other day too. So this past Thursday I decided I was going to try something different and just come out and ask him what the deal is with us. So I texted him (maybe a bad idea lol) and said "Hey I know you like to take things slow but we are taking it so slow im afraid ill be pushed to the friend zone. just wondering if you are interested in me romatically?" and he basically responded saying that he doesn't know what he's doing and that he isn't really sure what the next step is to take. Which is just strange to me because this guy is 26 and has been in 2 serious relationships- the last one was 2 years ago. So he keeps saying he is rusty etc with dating. So I basically gave this guy an out, and he said that he is interested if I am, but that he is just confused on what he should do next. So i told him that I was confused because of the lack of physicalness. I'm not expecting sex, because I'm not that type of girl to do that immediately, but at least more than short kisses. lol. So he said "well we'll have to work on that then. i'm not good at this whole dating thing, but stick with me and maybe ill get better". So i told him sure, but he went yesterday without texting me, and then today I texted him asking how his weekend is going so far. He said good and that it was really busy then asked me how mine was. I told him. Then that was it. Like I'm wondering if my directness scared him off. But I mean what is wrong with just asking someone instead of just wondering all the time and making up things in my head of why he acts the way he does. Should I take his lack of texting as a bad sign? I mean I guess it has only been 2 days. . . I'm in a very similar situation. I'm 40, she's the same. We have gone out once a week for 3 months. Nothing physical yet, even though I have dropped hints. A few weeks ago I asked the same as you did. Response...was that the opportunity isn't there, so not a lack of interest. Here's the thing though...if someone is interested and comfortable with you...you simply shouldn't have to try. It's strange that he's acting this way, just as the person I am seeing is doing the same. Have you checked match.com to see if he's still on? In my case, the woman I'm seeing is still on. Which points to her being unsure about me, and perhaps is looking for someone more compatible while keeping me as a backup. My advice...which is what I'm following is to let go of this person. Let him text you if he's interested. In the mean time, just forget him. Even if he comes back what do you think will really change?
GiddyUp8 Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 He's insecure and probably inexperienced, chances are you trump what ex girlfriends he's had as far as experience and attractiveness etc. He's going to need some hand holding and a shove in the direction that you and he seemingly wants to go. I would step up the physical with him and see how he responds, he is definitely into you, from what you say and just needs a push and some reassurance. If you feel like some babysitting in the relationship, then go for it.
jcrew11 Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 If he's on Match, do you think he is seeing and dating other women, and you are the back-up girlfriend? Maybe he thinks you are not that attractive compared to his past girlfriends, and he is just waiting for someone hotter to come along. If he doesn't want to get sexual, its possible he has an std and doesn't want to tell you yet. Try dating other guys to make him jealous, then he will need to decide if he wants to be with you or another girl.
2sunny Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 (edited) He should be asking you to GO OUT ON DATES! He's only taken you out once in three months? That's not enough effort for a guy who's interested! He should be wooing you with effort - but he's not - so I would conclude he's not interested ENOUGh to make the effort! Ad IF he is interested - I wouldn't like it anyway - because you shouldn't have to lead a guy around by the nose. Forget OFFERING UP the physical to him - he hasn't EARNED it by making effort. Ad this is the weekend - and he didn't make plans with you ahead of time? I don't see that as a good indicator - he should be asking to see you for fri or sat night at least by mid week. Now you look desperate by texting him about his weekend. I wouldn't contact until he makes extreme effort to take you out on a DATE! Edited November 18, 2012 by 2sunny
carhill Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 IMO, a guy that age who's had two LTR's knows how to be with women. He's drilling other holes and thinking about this one. His contact is just enough to keep you wondering and not confident in his interest. It's worked for three months, proving my point. He's with you in the way he wants to be. 1
2sunny Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 Did he say where he was last night - and what he's doing tonight? I'd bet he's had other dates lined up...
Recommended Posts