Pringles200 Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 I am a 26 years old guy, I live in London, England I started talking to this girl I met on a dating site about a month ago and we have built up quite a rapore , and really like each other. We have so much in common, and have never fell out, or had any arguments. Her name is Helen, and we talk on the phone at least 4 or 5 times a week, and we usually chat on the phone for about 6 to 8 hours, sometimes into the early hours of the morning. She is a very principled girl, and she says she likes me because I am not sleazy in any way, and enjoys talking to me. She cheered me up every night She really is unlike any other girl I have came across, especially on that site But some things happened to me in the last few years, (including two tragedies in the family that made things worse) and I have some personal issues I really have to sort out, and I am just not ready to meet her... but she wants to meet soon. I have lapses, and I now know what a mistake it was to join the dating site... as I wasn't ready. I am not really in good mental health at the moment, and I haven't told her the states I get into, obviously. My photo is also two years old, and although I look the same (I think, lol) I have put on a slight stomach as well, so that is also a worry. I want to end it nicely by sending her the below message, then deleting my dating site profile. I know that any meet ups will not be as good as the phone calls, but I like her so much, I want to send this message I haven't had much luck with woman, but this girl blew me away , by making me feel welcome into having a conversation with her, and also acknowledging my shyness and making me feel better about it I wrote this last night, but didn't send it to her yet... I just want to know if I have written this well: "Helen, When I have been on the phone to you, I have been amazed at what a wonderful person you are. You are so honest and you made each conversation such a comfortable one. I have a lot of fun chatting to you, making 7 hours seem like just two hours : ( ... it was great swapping songs and different video clips with each other and having a good laugh with you. You cheered me up no end the last month or so, and I really thank you for that... you would make near enough every man happy, with your lovely personality. A girl like you is really, really hard to find I obviously put a burner on things last time, because I was a little too worried about our first meeting, so I have decided to close my account.. all the other girls that come up to the left seem to be the same old, same old and I am just not going to pursue that site anymore. I just don't think I could really take you deleting me, after how blown away I was by you. Take it easy x " Opinions on how she might read this would be great : )
CarrieT Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 She would read it and be royally pi$$ed off. She has devoted a great deal of time and effort towards someone that she cares about who is blowing her off. She will probably think you never intended on meeting her or - worse - that you are really married and were just there as a player. If you think as highly of her as you claim, why not be honest with her about EVERYTHING (the belly and whatnot) and just meet her? There might not be physical chemistry. There might be a lot of things that won't work, but you are cutting off the potential of helping your mental states by having someone who could help provide a positive influence in your life. And to finish your email with "take it easy"???????? L..A..M..E....! :mad::mad: 2
FitChick Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 Since you don't plan to meet her, why not just tell her what you've told us on this thread? What have you got to lose? Your letter to her gives her absolutely no good reason why you are cutting her off. At least she would know not to take it personally. I agree with you that you are in no fit state mentally to engage in a long distance relationship. Men like you piss me off because they waste my time. You need to be confident, independent and focused to do long distance dating. It's not for sissies! Many on the Long Distance Forum would agree with me.
Author Pringles200 Posted November 17, 2012 Author Posted November 17, 2012 Since you don't plan to meet her, why not just tell her what you've told us on this thread? What have you got to lose? Your letter to her gives her absolutely no good reason why you are cutting her off. At least she would know not to take it personally. I agree with you that you are in no fit state mentally to engage in a long distance relationship. Men like you piss me off because they waste my time. You need to be confident, independent and focused to do long distance dating. It's not for sissies! Many on the Long Distance Forum would agree with me. Was there really need to be nasty? Where in my post does it look like I deserve such a reply? For one I wrote in a nice manner, and I also I stated that I haven't really had experience with women, and she knows this. I also said how we do enjoy talking to each other, and I did tell her at first that I wanted to wait a bit before meeting, and she was fine with it And after reading the first paragraph, she should know not to take it personally
CarrieT Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 Where in my post does it look like I deserve such a reply? I will answer that question with your own response: Ibecause I was a little too worried about our first meeting, so I have decided to close my account.. You are not even giving her the benefit of the doubt in meeting her. You have strung her along and are closing your account before even giving her a chance. And after reading the first paragraph, she should know not to take it personally Your first paragraph is bullsh*t. You are telling her how amazing she is and how much she has cheered you up and then you are brushing her off. Look, you came here for feedback on how your email is going to be received and we are telling you because we are women who have been strung along by guys like you; believing we had a chance and already getting emotionally invested when we think we are going to meet them. But - instead - we are told how wonderful we are and then we are shut out without knowing the REAL REASON or without even being given a chance to find out if there is chemistry. Sorry, dude - but we are being honest with you on how she is going to feel about it. She is going to feel used and the "politeness" of your words will not assuage those feelings of hurt she is going to have. She won't read that part - she will read that you are closing your account without giving her an opportunity at a real meeting. 1
Author Pringles200 Posted November 17, 2012 Author Posted November 17, 2012 I will answer that question with your own response: You are not even giving her the benefit of the doubt in meeting her. You have strung her along and are closing your account before even giving her a chance. Your first paragraph is bullsh*t. You are telling her how amazing she is and how much she has cheered you up and then you are brushing her off. Look, you came here for feedback on how your email is going to be received and we are telling you because we are women who have been strung along by guys like you; believing we had a chance and already getting emotionally invested when we think we are going to meet them. But - instead - we are told how wonderful we are and then we are shut out without knowing the REAL REASON or without even being given a chance to find out if there is chemistry. Sorry, dude - but we are being honest with you on how she is going to feel about it. She is going to feel used and the "politeness" of your words will not assuage those feelings of hurt she is going to have. She won't read that part - she will read that you are closing your account without giving her an opportunity at a real meeting. My first paragraph is not b****t at all. I actually mean this, everything I said in the paragraph are things I ahve actually felt while talking to her. This is why I am sending her this message, other wise, if I didn't like her.. for one I wouldn't have spent so long on the phone all the time. and two I would just close my account anyway. And we are not an item, we are just friends at the moment, talking about us maybe being an item, if it works out well. I really do like her a lot, and wish I could meet her, and it all worked out well
MrCastle Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 Why don't you just keep her around as a friend? Someone to talk to so you can improve your relationships with women, or maybe keep her around so when you do in fact change your situation around and are confident enough to meet her, you'll have her there ready for you. 1
ThaWholigan Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 Why don't you just meet her? I understand and empathize with your position as I was once very apprehensive about my own life and issues before meeting girls, but you honestly don't have as much to lose as you think you do. Trust me, don't send the email, it could be an even graver regret than you realize. 1
CarrieT Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 My first paragraph is not b****t at all. I actually mean this, everything I said in the paragraph are things I ahve actually felt while talking to her. That is all very well in YOUR HEAD. And I very well imagine there is a great deal more going on in your mind in regards to her that you are not expressing. We are telling you how it is going to come across to HER and how it will feel when she reads it. Not sure why aren't seeing that...
FitChick Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 We are telling you how it is going to come across to HER and how it will feel when she reads it. Not sure why aren't seeing that... He doesn't want to be perceived as being the Bad Guy.
Author Pringles200 Posted November 17, 2012 Author Posted November 17, 2012 He doesn't want to be perceived as being the Bad Guy. I innocently came on here to ask for advice to sending one message, and this is what I get? Why would I be a bad guy? All I did was ask advice, in a nice way. I am in pain, Didn't you read that I had two family tragedies in the last 3 years, and it has effected me a lot? I am also not the type of guy to be sleazy, which is what the girl I am talking to said she liked, as every other guy she has talked to wanted to talk about sex Why judge me like that?
iiiii Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 Pringles, CarrieT is right. It might not be your intention, it might not feel fair, and it might not make sense to you. But CarrieT is right about how your friend will view your email. All the women I know would view it the same way as CarrieT is saying. I'm sorry if you don't like to hear this.
CarrieT Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 Opinions on how she might read this would be great : ) This is what you asked for and we have told you as honestly as we could. I'm sorry if that hurt your feelings. Did you honestly expect that by "being the nice guy" you wouldn't hurt her and that she would take it well? I'm sorry if you are in pain, but it is inconsequential to the hurt you are going to cause Helen based on what you wrote. You can feel that you are being noble and this is what happens when you come to a message board, looking for advice. We are going to be brutally honest - even if that truth is hard to swallow.
Eddie Edirol Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 I think you should meet up with her., if you are as troubled as you say, then she will be turned off to you when you meet, and she will reject you. Its a win-win! Unless you lied to her about too many things in your profile and you are just bowing out to avoid getting found out.
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