Only bigger women have been into me.

[somedude81]

Maybe that could be a problem, maybe you don't stand out at all...

Yeah, that's closer to the truth than the other thing.

[mesmerized]

Nothing wrong with wanting a thin woman. But you're also shorter than average and sounds like you don't have the best face and body either. Top that with no clue how to talk to and attract women and a whiny personality and no career...yeah, it's going to take you a lil while! Would you date you if you were a thin pretty woman?

[xxoo]

Yeah, that's closer to the truth than the other thing.

 

Can you see how making friends and being more integrated into the group as a whole would help you stand out?

[Lonely Ronin]

Who said they didn't?!

 

Of course I want to be good friends with somebody I'm in a relationship with!

 

Have you not seen my many previous threads where I talked about a girl that I considered to be my best friend and I was also completely obsessed with her and there was nothing else in the world that I wanted more than for her to be my girlfriend?

 

Don't play dumb, you know what i mean.

[somedude81]

Nothing wrong with wanting a thin woman. But you're also shorter than average and sounds like you don't have the best face and body either. Top that with no clue how to talk to and attract women and a whiny personality and no career...yeah, it's going to take you a lil while! Would you date you if you were a thin pretty woman?

Yes.

 

My face is average, maybe a little better.

 

Body, yeah I could really but some serious effort and get rid of the excess fat. Though I would really only look different when I'm not wearing a shirt.

 

Height. There is not a damn thing I can do about that. Passing me up because of my height is pretty much a cheap shot. If a big girl was getting passed up by guys because of her weight, she could lose it if she really tried. I can't do anything to improve my height other than major surgery.

 

Whiny personality. Online only.

 

No career. A very small number of people working on their undergrad have a career.

[somedude81]

Can you see how making friends and being more integrated into the group as a whole would help you stand out?

Would that explain why only bigger girls seem to be interested in me?

Don't play dumb, you know what i mean.

Huh?

 

Sorry, I don't have a clue what you are talking about then. I tried to give the most complete answer that I could.

[xxoo]

Would that explain why only bigger girls seem to be interested in me?

 

Maybe, if they are intimidated by the guys who are socially successful, and look for the guys on the fringe.

[mesmerized]

Yes.

 

My face is average, maybe a little better.

 

Body, yeah I could really but some serious effort and get rid of the excess fat. Though I would really only look different when I'm not wearing a shirt.

 

Height. There is not a damn thing I can do about that. Passing me up because of my height is pretty much a cheap shot. If a big girl was getting passed up by guys because of her weight, she could lose it if she really tried. I can't do anything to improve my height other than major surgery.

 

Whiny personality. Online only.

 

No career. A very small number of people working on their undergrad have a career.

 

I have no doubt your desperation also shows in real. Point is, you're 31 and not very accomplished for your age socially or financially. You're also not attractive enough for people to want to see past those...

 

Also, women can tell if a man has a good body even when he is clothed. There are so many steps you can take to make yourself a better catch and yet you choose whining on internet...your choice really.

[iris219]

 

Height. There is not a damn thing I can do about that. Passing me up because of my height is pretty much a cheap shot.

 

This is the exact same thing you do with bigger girls, even though height is something you can't change. Most people with a weight problem will struggle with it throughout their lives. You have a right to pass up someone you aren't attracted to, but please understand that it's the same thing as girls rejecting you for being short.

 

I still think you should give women you aren't immediately attracted to a chance. By that, I simply mean get to know them. You might be surprised. Sometimes people start to look different when we like them and enjoy being around them.

[xxoo]

I still think you should give women you aren't immediately attracted to a chance. By that, I simply mean get to know them. You might be surprised. Sometimes people start to look different when we like them and enjoy being around them.

 

I agree, and I can't see how he would have anything to lose by chatting up a wider range of women--young, old, fat, thin, pretty or not.

 

It'll just make him more attractive as a person, to everyone. Beyond that, he might find himself developing unexpected attraction to one of the women he initially dismissed as "bigger".

[somedude81]

In other words, "because you're such a loser, you should try dating fat girls. Maybe after enough time you'll go blind and won't care about their appearance anymore."

[iiiii]

Girls notice when you're only talking to/chatting up a small number of pretty girls in the class and ignoring the rest. It is creepy. It makes us think you're only interested in sex.

 

I'm a thin/average body shape girl. If I'm in a dance class and I see you making the fat girl over the hall smile and laugh, I think "ha, he must be a pretty cool dude, he's making sure his partner has fun. Can't wait till it's my turn to dance with him cos we'll have fun too".

 

If I see you ignoring the fat girls, or just giving them less attention than the thin girls, I'm more likely to think "creep alert! Clearly just here to get into someone's pants".

 

Sorry if you don't like to hear that, but it's honest. And from talking to my female friends that dance, I think they feel similarly.

 

Talk to the fat girls. Make them laugh. The thin girls will notice that. If a fat girl does get the wrong idea, you can clear up the confusion then, just tell them you enjoy their company but don't see yourselves as a couple.

 

That won't guarantee an instant date, by the way. But I think it will raise your chances.

[somedude81]

Girls notice when you're only talking to/chatting up a small number of pretty girls in the class and ignoring the rest. It is creepy. It makes us think you're only interested in sex.

 

I'm a thin/average body shape girl. If I'm in a dance class and I see you making the fat girl over the hall smile and laugh, I think "ha, he must be a pretty cool dude, he's making sure his partner has fun. Can't wait till it's my turn to dance with him cos we'll have fun too".

 

If I see you ignoring the fat girls, or just giving them less attention than the thin girls, I'm more likely to think "creep alert! Clearly just here to get into someone's pants".

 

Sorry if you don't like to hear that, but it's honest. And from talking to my female friends that dance, I think they feel similarly.

 

Talk to the fat girls. Make them laugh. The thin girls will notice that. If a fat girl does get the wrong idea, you can clear up the confusion then, just tell them you enjoy their company but don't see yourselves as a couple.

 

That won't guarantee an instant date, by the way. But I think it will raise your chances.

One thing I need to point out, I'm not the only guy in the class.

 

Do any of you think the other guys are chatting up the fat girls?

 

Small number of thin girls pretty girls? I think there's about 20 girls in the class, four or so are overweight. With so many girls in the room, do you think any of the girls care that some dude isn't talking to the fat girls?

 

If a fat girl is standing next to a thin girl, I will engage both of them in conversation equally, though I will look for opportunities to talk to the thin girl by herself.

 

BTW, when I'm dancing, no matter who it's with, I try to make sure they're having fun. The more fun she has, the more fun I have.

[xxoo]

In other words, "because you're such a loser, you should try dating fat girls. Maybe after enough time you'll go blind and won't care about their appearance anymore."

 

No.

 

Chat up women of all kinds. Do you believe that dating is the only reason to talk to women? Would you not talk to women at all if not for your sexual interest?

[ScreamingTrees]

Girls notice when you're only talking to/chatting up a small number of pretty girls in the class and ignoring the rest. It is creepy. It makes us think you're only interested in sex.

 

I'm a thin/average body shape girl. If I'm in a dance class and I see you making the fat girl over the hall smile and laugh, I think "ha, he must be a pretty cool dude, he's making sure his partner has fun. Can't wait till it's my turn to dance with him cos we'll have fun too".

 

If I see you ignoring the fat girls, or just giving them less attention than the thin girls, I'm more likely to think "creep alert! Clearly just here to get into someone's pants".

 

Sorry if you don't like to hear that, but it's honest. And from talking to my female friends that dance, I think they feel similarly.

 

Talk to the fat girls. Make them laugh. The thin girls will notice that. If a fat girl does get the wrong idea, you can clear up the confusion then, just tell them you enjoy their company but don't see yourselves as a couple.

 

That won't guarantee an instant date, by the way. But I think it will raise your chances.

 

The issue with the guy you're describing is that he'll always be this way in general... He can change in THAT situation to get what he wants, but in general he'll probably still have the creep mentality beyond the facade..

 

One of my closest friends was like this. He arguably still IS a creeper in many ways. They often never let themselves be who they genuinely want to be at the expense of potentially not getting what they want.. They follow trends and whatnot, just to get people to like them.. But once they find someone better, they'll drop you like hot ****.. And then they drop those people, and so forth.

 

From my own experience, with some friendships.. There are some things in life that if a person just didn't "get" the first time, they never WILL, even if they figure "it" out later somehow, it goes beyond that..

 

If someone just couldn't find it in themselves to talk to someone because they find themselves beneath them or are un attracted to them, they're missing the bigger picture in life.

[Els]

I mentioned that in my previous post.

 

Despite you all being women, I've noticed that bigger women act differently.

 

I'm not upset that big women like me, I'm upset that nobody else does. I don't treat the bigger women any better or worse than the other girls.

 

Well, there could be any number of reasons for the discrepancy, of course. Perhaps you're not realizing the desperate vibes you give off when you talk to girls whom you are attracted to. Perhaps people are more perceptive of other people's interactions, and the other girls notice you rebuffing the larger girls and this turns them off. Or perhaps it's just statistical that the thinner girls are more likely to already be hooked up with someone, since other men might share your preferences. Only you can assess that, because we can't watch you IRL.

 

That being said, I'm guessing you'll say the answer is C) "Or perhaps it's just statistical that the thinner girls are more likely to already be hooked up with someone, since other men might share your preferences". Am I right? In that case, you'll have to own that you're going in for a demographic that is more competitive (and there's nothing wrong with that), and work on yourself to gain a competitive edge. Which brings us to....

 

No career. A very small number of people working on their undergrad have a career.

 

This. SD, honestly, most of the people in their 30s have had a career of sorts. Before they started college, or after they graduated it. This is definitely holding you back. I'm not saying this to insult you or put you down, I'm saying this because just as an obese woman can work on her weight if it is holding her back, YOU can work on this. I understand that it's challenging for you because you say you're not good at school, but it is a challenge that you need to rise up to and prioritize in your life right now, just like an obese person who is having trouble losing weight.

Edited November 18, 2012 by Elswyth

[somedude81]

Well, there could be any number of reasons for the discrepancy, of course. Perhaps you're not realizing the desperate vibes you give off when you talk to girls whom you are attracted to. Perhaps people are more perceptive of other people's interactions, and the other girls notice you rebuffing the larger girls and this turns them off. Or perhaps it's just statistical that the thinner girls are more likely to already be hooked up with someone, since other men might share your preferences. Only you can assess that, because we can't watch you IRL.

 

That being said, I'm guessing you'll say the answer is C) "Or perhaps it's just statistical that the thinner girls are more likely to already be hooked up with someone, since other men might share your preferences". Am I right? In that case, you'll have to own that you're going in for a demographic that is more competitive (and there's nothing wrong with that), and work on yourself to gain a competitive edge. Which brings us to....

Remember that other thread I made where I talked about how I was interested in five different girls?

 

Three of those girls went to the dance. One arrived with a guy and was with him all night. Another was always with a guy I've never but she didn't seem as close to him as the girl was to the guy she was with. The third girl was by herself, but then she told me that she's leaving soon because her boyfriend is getting off work soon.

 

There are other girls in my class that I ran into who were also with guys.

 

The only girls in my class that didn't have any guys around them were the big girls. And yes I did dance with them.

 

So yes the answer is C. All the men are competing for the non-fat girls.

 

And please don't start saying that I made a choice. If I could choose what I'm attracted to, do you think I'd still be single?

 

 

This. SD, honestly, most of the people in their 30s have had a career of sorts. Before they started college, or after they graduated it. This is definitely holding you back. I'm not saying this to insult you or put you down, I'm saying this because just as an obese woman can work on her weight if it is holding her back, YOU can work on this. I understand that it's challenging for you because you say you're not good at school, but it is a challenge that you need to rise up to and prioritize in your life right now, just like an obese person who is having trouble losing weight.

How many people in my class do you think suspect that I am over 25?

 

A. All of them

B. Half of them

C. One forth of them

D. None of them

Edited November 18, 2012 by somedude81

[USMCHokie]

I am of the belief that when we are young, we develop our sense of our own attractiveness through social interaction. Based on the objective principle that we try to mate with the most attractive person we can, we are only as attractive as who we attract.

 

People realize this earlier in their life than others. The ones that accept their own relative attractive in the human population tend to settle down earlier and find their niche in this world, while other hold out in hopes that they are more attractive than they are attracting. These folks tend to either be alone or get used by others. While others will improve their relative attractiveness by improving themselves and moving up the scale.

[Els]

 

How many people in my class do you think suspect that I am over 25?

 

A. All of them

B. Half of them

C. One forth of them

D. None of them

 

Have you never gotten to a point of conversation with anybody where you talk about your history? That seems to be on the acquaintance-moving-to-friend level of conversation, much less potential relationship partners.

 

That is a moot point though. The thing is that working on graduating college can only positively impact your life (and conversely dating success), and not negatively. Plenty of guys don't get much dating success until they graduate and start building a career. Some undergrads do have success (and so do some obese women), but you'll never hear a man say, "Man, I got so much more attention from girls when I was an undergrad student, compared to when I started working in this excellent career field." You keep talking about how women who are obese can 'work on their weight', surely you realize that it is the same with you and your 8(?)-year stint in college.

[MrCastle]

I'm 25 and in college. I've been doing it part time to keep room open for a job or intership, so it's taken me longer than if I had just gone full time. Everyone getting on him about his education needs to chill. He'll get there when he gets there, who said you need to finish college by a certain age? I have 40 year olds in my class. That's not even what this thread is about, let's focus on the actual topic.

 

In my experience, heavier women have been the aggressors. I think someone mentioned this, but it may be due to the fact a majority of men find oveweight women unattractive, so they know they have to approach or it'll be slim pickings for them.

 

Weight to me is something that--I mean, you can lose it, yeah? It's easier for some than it is for others but if she is not morbidly obese and we're talking about 30 lbs overweight, I could work with that. You can try to encourage them to live a healthier lifestyle (good luck doing that without getting yelled at) and drop the excess weight.

[Els]

Everyone getting on him about his education needs to chill. He'll get there when he gets there

 

The problem with this is that it renders every single piece of advice moot. If a woman comes in complaining that none of the men whom she is attracted to are attracted to her, and it is revealed that she weighs 300 lbs, should everyone chill and not mention her weight at all? I mean, she'll lose it when she loses it, yeah? That is technically true, but then we would never be able to give advice to anyone, ever.

 

Also, I really am not picking on SD, but you being 25 and intentionally doing college part time in order to free up space for an internship is not really the same as what he did. You don't HAVE to graduate college to get a gf, but some men have found that it was easier for them after they started a career path.

[threebyfate]

I'm 25 and in college. I've been doing it part time to keep room open for a job or intership, so it's taken me longer than if I had just gone full time. Everyone getting on him about his education needs to chill. He'll get there when he gets there, who said you need to finish college by a certain age? I have 40 year olds in my class. That's not even what this thread is about, let's focus on the actual topic.

 

In my experience, heavier women have been the aggressors. I think someone mentioned this, but it may be due to the fact a majority of men find oveweight women unattractive, so they know they have to approach or it'll be slim pickings for them.

 

Weight to me is something that--I mean, you can lose it, yeah? It's easier for some than it is for others but if she is not morbidly obese and we're talking about 30 lbs overweight, I could work with that. You can try to encourage them to live a healthier lifestyle (good luck doing that without getting yelled at) and drop the excess weight.

Pretty much everyone's getting on him to improve himself which he won't, while still complaining about being single, where it's the women's fault, whether they find him attractive or not. That he can't attract what he's attracted to, should be his first clue.

[MrCastle]

The problem with this is that it renders every single piece of advice moot. If a woman comes in complaining that none of the men whom she is attracted to are attracted to her, and it is revealed that she weighs 300 lbs, should everyone chill and not mention her weight at all? I mean, she'll lose it when she loses it, yeah? That is technically true, but then we would never be able to give advice to anyone, ever.

 

Also, I really am not picking on SD, but you being 25 and intentionally doing college part time in order to free up space for an internship is not really the same as what he did. You don't HAVE to graduate college to get a gf, but some men have found that it was easier for them after they started a career path.

 

I do understand it from that perspective. It is easier for men to get a high quality date if they have an established career--or a career period. I do understand that, but I don't think that's the be all, end all of his failings with women.

 

Maybe there is an aura he's projecting in real life that is off putting for women. Among other possible scenarios.

 

I don't think once his schooling is complete women are just going to fall out of the sky for him.

[Els]

I do understand it from that perspective. It is easier for men to get a high quality date if they have an established career--or a career period. I do understand that, but I don't think that's the be all, end all of his failings with women.

 

Oh, I agree completely. I do think it is one of the most straightforward of issues to fix though. Stuff like social skills or how he talks to women is more relative and vague, and difficult to explain over the internet.

 

Maybe there is an aura he's projecting in real life that is off putting for women. Among other possible scenarios.

 

I don't think once his schooling is complete women are just going to fall out of the sky for him.

 

I also agree, but I do think it will open up doors for him that didn't exist before (new people, a new focus in life, additional maturity, etc).

[ascendotum]

I do understand it from that perspective. It is easier for men to get a high quality date if they have an established career--or a career period. I do understand that, but I don't think that's the be all, end all of his failings with women.

 

Maybe there is an aura he's projecting in real life that is off putting for women. Among other possible scenarios.

 

I don't think once his schooling is complete women are just going to fall out of the sky for him.

 

I agree. Still being in university is not the hurdle that keeps tripping him up....and why wait out more horny years till he gets his quals. These girls he likes don't progress from acquaintance to good friend generally and then start turning up their noses when probing about his personal life, and the few that have, have see him as 'a nice guy and good friend but he's not their type'.

The bigger girls are not having that many guys hit on them, so they are being more proactive in trying to generate some attraction with the single guys that in their view they might have a better chance with. They are doing what's the best strategy for them. Its not because he is ignoring them, and they are intrigued and want to snag him for the challange. lol.

When I've been skinny, the overweight women became friendlier and the petite women less friendlier. The ones with the most options get the ones with the most options, till it works its way down.

 

If SD had 5 girls flirting with him and one was slim or curvy, this would not be an issue. If it was he getting variety in his options, then he would not be hung up on this, but because its not happening at all with the girls he likes he's digging his heels in over it. I doubt the more attractive girls are noticing him paying less attention to the bigger girls and that's ruining his chances. I do think he should still be friendly to all of them though, even if the slimmer girls are often shutting him down. If there is zero attraction, then forget it, but if there is a little I think he should have some fun and gain experience, as long as he's not leading the girl on to her thinking its something long term if he can wangle it (no time for fulltime gf due to studies and p/t work), otherwise the frustration (probably more the the desperation) will just increase.

Edited November 18, 2012 by ascendotum