hopeless1981 Posted August 6, 2004 Posted August 6, 2004 Hello all...first time i've ever been to one of these things...but not sure where else to go. Here's the deal...I've been with this girl since last june and spent the entire summer of 2003 together. But unfortunately, she goes to school on the east coast and I am stuck here in central Canada. We talked all through the school year and kept things as close as we could, and i went out there a couple times to visit, and of course we had our ups and downs. But it seems every time we would get close to having a prolonged period of time to spend together and actually get to know each other even more, she would pull away and say she needed some space to think. I'm a nice guy so i give it to her, and we always worked things out and had the best time together. However, once this summer came around, we were both returning to our hometowns to work, and to be with one another. But again, once we got close again, she would pull away saying she has to think about things (us/family/job, etc). after a couple weeks, we were back to our old selves and having a blast. But again, 3 weeks later, she calls it off, and says she doesn't want to get too attached to someone only to be split apart come september when school starts back up, and with the amount she is working she doesn't want the pressure of being someone's girlfriend right now. But i'm thinking why not take advantage of the time we have together and when school starts up, we'll see what happens and have no regrets and no thoughts about what ifs. So since i got the axe, i've been trying to do the whole no contact thing (being in a small town doesn't really help with that). But this past weekend i get a message saying that she called, and a couple days ago she sends me an MSN saying she has sunday off and wants to do something perhaps. So i'm confused as hell as to whether she wants me back? or i got a booty call? or if she just wants to hang out and talk about what happened? or just catch a movie as buddies? This girl is the first girl I've actually wanted to say "I love you" to. She has the brains to go along with the looks, which in my case is rare. I'd give anything to have her back, even if it is for only a month...just to see what can happen, and where it could go. So i guess what i'm really asking is how do i approach this without freaking her out by putting pressure on her to talk about all this? do I tell her how i feel about her with only 4 weeks to go before she leaves? or should i just play it by ear and let her make the first move (whether it be romantic or not)? Any advice would be great. Thanks!!!
overseas2004 Posted August 6, 2004 Posted August 6, 2004 That is a tough one man. The thing I don't like about this particular relationship is what I call the YO YO component. She wants you and she doesn't want you. I have been had this happen to me before Let me be more clear... I have done this to men before (of course I have been on the recieving end before too) It is quite maddening NO??? But let me tell you the down to earth truth about why I did this to a guy. And then you can have some pause to think. If I did this to a guy in my past there was only one and one reason only. Sorry to tell you this. I did it because I was not hot after the guy at all. I liked the guy... I liked having him around. He was a comfort. I was attracted to him. I could sleep with him. But I didn't have that driving passion for him. He wasn't the one... or there was some huge obstacle that I saw in our relationship. Case in point I did it to a guy that I thought was too old for me once. I actually loved him. I wanted him. I had passion for him. But I knew it would not and could not work out because he was not what I wanted. So if you are into getting dumped after 4 weeks after spending time getting closer and closer to someone. GO FOR IT... But if you are a little afraid of what getting close to her may do if she ends up dumping you.... then THINK TWICE OR THREE TIMES OR EVEN MORE. But make sure that whatever you do... you can handle it in the end. Regards, Overseas
Author hopeless1981 Posted August 8, 2004 Author Posted August 8, 2004 Thanks for the insight. I'm pretty sure this girl isn't yo yo'ing me around though. I think it's more of her not really having time to concentrate on being with someone when she is working 15 hour days most days a week. I'm pretty laid back, and I got a little frustrated when we wouldn't hang out when she had time off, but for me...5 minutes of quality time with her would make me forget about most of the bad times. I haven't seen her in close to 3 weeks, and I think I've coped pretty well, but I'm getting worried that as soon as I see her again, everything is going to rush back to me, and make me want her even more. I'm also getting freaked out that as soon as she is ready to be with someone again, I'm not going to be around to take advantage of that, and the thought of her with some other dooshbag is hard for me to think about. She doesn't react to pressure that well, and I'm just hoping to find a way to talk to her about us without making her pull away even more and break off contact again completely. Any ideas? Thanks
overseas2004 Posted August 9, 2004 Posted August 9, 2004 I really know that we all try to find other reasons why someone pulls away from us. Other reasons than the obvious. So I cant help you because I don't think there are magic words to make someone love you as you want to be loved... when they don't.
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