Payasa Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 3 1/2 years ago, I met the guy of my dreams, late one friday night off a chatline. The initial meeting was a one night stand agreement, but once we connected, we knew there was something there. I felt like I was hypnotized, but whatever. Although we had a good connection, I wanted him more than a consistent FWB. I told him that I loved him; I showed him but in his mind, no matter how good our chemistry was, I was not the type of woman he wanted. For the whole time, we went back and forth with this status. Like how can I support you in whatever and love you but can't be the one you love solely? So after telling my gfs about our relationship (early in the relationship) they suggested "trapping him" by getting pregnant. He had no children, is a military vet, had a GREAT job and you know, he's sustaining really well. But that's not the reason I love him. He's very intelligent, a envelope pusher, he loves my children, he has the patience of God! I mean I could be here all day! And obviously the sex is AMAZING! So instead of being patient and allowing God to bless us, I took matters in my own hands. In a year and a half of us being intimate, I altered the condom, and took my chances. Months later, it seemed like it didn't take. But one morning, I'd went downstairs to make breakfast and I started cramping. I want sure what was going on, but my cycle is irregular so, anywho, I'm cramping for about ten long and strong minutes and I start to feel moisture. So when the moisture starts to feel enormous, I reach down to feel and I'm seriously bleeding. I'm having a miscarriage.... I went to the hospital, they suctioned me out, I even had therapy for this pregnancy I created.... All without telling him a thing. 2 1/2 years later, there is a possibility that I maybe pregnant by him, the regular way. And as I started telling him about the symptoms, I felt the urge to finally tell him. And I did... Every detail. His eyes began to tear up, he started grasping for air and looking like he was about to vomit. The relationship has changed from me loving him alone, to us loving each other and us working towards rectifying credit and getting financially stable so we can live together comfortably and providing for my four sons. I thought that since we are so serious now that there should be no secrets between us. I stupidly hoped he would side how much I'm sacrificing to even confess this..... Now we're not talking, texting, calling or anything. After 3 days, I couldn't take it and I told him, I'll leave him alone. What do you think? Should he forgive me? Would you?
Jono85 Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 unreal. what is wrong with you and your girlfriends. so ****ed up. i honestly cannot believe some ppls lack of morals. this is a ****ing human being you're bringing into this world...not a god**** toy. who will now be without a father and a sh*t upbringing, all b/c of you. well done. 1
Author Payasa Posted November 17, 2012 Author Posted November 17, 2012 First off, I never said I'm pregnant. Secondly, the baby that you're commentting on is already gone so no one is going to be born in a ****ty upbringing or fatherless. And third, I went thru my fair share of heartache and pain. I don't think I'm out of the norm. Who's to say You were a planned pregnancy! Most beings on this earth are entrapments so to look down on me.... It's your choice but I'd advise you to think. Everything is not black and white. The world is nothing but gray. But I appreciate your input...
veggirl Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 I would never ever ever forgive that and tbh I would think you are a psycho. Your friends too. Sorry.
Jono85 Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 First off, I never said I'm pregnant. Secondly, the baby that you're commentting on is already gone so no one is going to be born in a ****ty upbringing or fatherless. And third, I went thru my fair share of heartache and pain. I don't think I'm out of the norm. Who's to say You were a planned pregnancy! Most beings on this earth are entrapments so to look down on me.... It's your choice but I'd advise you to think. Everything is not black and white. The world is nothing but gray. But I appreciate your input... ..i've thought. you're scum. sorry. there's unplanned pregnancies, and then there's purposely trying to get pregnant by altering condoms/skipping birth control against their partners wishes and behind his back. you're scum, along with your friends. glad he realized this.
scarlet.vixn Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 I'm not going to dig into you for your actions or the encouragements of your friends. I don't think anyone should be bringing you down when you came to this place for help. The worst part of love is the crazy side. We become selfish and obsessed and all rational thought leaves our head we want at any cost to keep the thing that makes us the most happy. You're human and you made a mistake...I think you can see that now. The best thing about love is that it's given freely, it cannot be taken. Trapping a man into marriage doesn't ensure love or happiness, and should you have succeeded in doing so you would always wonder if he stayed because he loved you or if he stayed because of the baby. So Payasa this is my advice and I'm not saying that I'm right and you should listen, but I what I'm saying I'm saying because I want you to have peace and ultimately happiness. First thing you need to do, and you may have already done it, is really think about what you were doing. Playing with the life of a man you love, as well as setting an example for the children you already have, not to mention bringing in a baby that would be innocent in all this. You need to acknowledge that what you did was wrong, not because he's upset with you, not because you might lose him, but because you were playing with his life and trying to control him in a way that hurt him and all the other people close to you. After you acknowledge the truth and selfishness of your actions you need to forgive yourself for them. Rationalize that you were desperate at the time, emotional, understand that those aren't good enough excuses to do what you did, but forgive yourself so you can do better in the future. Make a vow to love yourself completely so you never feel that desperate again. If you love yourself and believe yourself to be a strong confident beautiful person then there is no need to trap a man, he's there because he wants to be, he can love you because you love yourself. Be independent, and don't depend on any man because they have a good job or can provide a stable environment. Get that good job and stable environment yourself. You should never need a significant other for any other reason than the love you feel for them and the love they feel for you. Give him some space. He may want completely out, he may be conflicted because he does care about you. Be understanding, and give him what he needs. Understand that this may mean the relationship is over, but if it's meant to be he will be back and you both will be in a better place. If you feel like you need to talk to him or invade the space that he needs do so in a non invasive way. I highly reccomend you give him the space he needs however and do not attempt to contact him, but if you have to, write it in a letter. Stick to the essentials, apologize but don't make excuses for yourself, get what you need off your chest, then I reccommend you add this last bit but only if you truly feel it, tell him that at the time you did what you did you were being selfish, you had found something that made you happy and clung to it desperately afraid of being without that happiness, but you have come to realize that real love isn't selfish, real love wants the other's happiness more than their own, and that because you realy do love him and are trying to learn how to love in a better way that in addition to loving yourself more and working on your own fears and doubts, that you accept his decision to be or not be a part of your life anymore, but you wish that whatever he does it brings him happiness. You can word that however you'd like, but the important thing is that you truly feel it. What you did was selfish, it was the opposite of real love and it caused a lot of pain to the person you do love and also to yourself, if you can come out of that dark place and put your heart on the right side of love, the true side, then I think you'll find peace with the situation. Remember to forgive yourself first, and to love yourself. I hope this helped. 1
thembones Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 You asked a question.. what responses did you REALLY expect? You knew it was wrong. No, I would probably never forgive you or talk to you again. It is good that you told him, because you do not want your relationship to be built on a lie. I am not judging your actions, but the reasoning that you gave is ridiculous. And telling us that you were "sucked out" at the doctor, that is just too graphic.
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