How long did you wait?

[Cora]

For those of you who met your s/o online, how long did you wait to meet in person? How did you make it happen and how did it go?

 

I met this guy online around September of last year. We've been keeping in touch via email and phone ever since almost daily. I honestly thought we'd end up pen pals at best and I was ok with that. But those feelings came creeping up as they always seem to do. About a month ago, out of the blue, he asked me how I would feel about meeting in person? I told him I'd be up for it. I'll admit, I have my doubts about whether I could even handle an LDR or would even want to. On the other hand I feel like I'd always regret it if I didn't at least meet him.

 

So anyway, we've been talking about it and have decided to meet sometime after the hollidays. He lives 900 miles away, which I know is nothing compared to most of you guys! I honestly don't see how you guys do it, but you have my admiration! He's already told me the most important thing is that he want's to make sure I'm 100% comfortable with meeting him.

 

My question is, what's the best way to go about this? Should I go to him, he come to me, or meet somewhere in the middle? How long should the meeting last? I mean of course you want to make it worthwhile since we are a fair distance apart. It's just my issues are I'm a bit tight on money right now and I don't have much time off from work. I mean I may be able to squeeze a weekend in.

 

Just looking for some tips and ideas from you guys who have been there. I should add I'm nervous as hell!

[cerridwen]

We waited 5 months to meet; he flew to me; and it's going great.

 

With your situation, if you're able to squeeze a weekend in, do.

The more time together the better.

I don't see the point of meeting up in a place out of town because it's just more expense for the both of you.

Plus, it's a Guy From The Internet.

While they're not all weirdos (ahem), there are still enough out there: stay safe and close to your home base/network of friends and family.

 

If he's able to travel, opt for that and have him stay in a hotel.

Look at your budget and see what you can afford to contribute.

Consider offering to split the ticket or hotel OR you pick up expenses during the weekend (dinners out, entertainment, cabs).

 

Like you, I had a some doubts early on and came very close to cancelling.

And again like you, I decided not to so there'd be no regrets.

 

Boy am I ever happy I stayed the course!

He's one of the most fantastic people I've ever met and I love him to pieces.

 

Here's hoping the same for you.

Have fun!

[Els]

Hi, Cora! Glad to see you're doing well; it's been aaaages.

 

In our case, we waited several months to meet. We really, really wanted it to be sooner, but that was the soonest term break that he'd get, and we were a few thousand miles apart so it wouldn't have been worth it to just fly in for the weekend. And we had known each other as friends IRL before (though I was unavailable at that time), so it made the wait easier knowing that we already knew what each other was like IRL - no unpleasant surprises there.

 

We were already fairly committed before we met, so he stayed over at my place for a couple of weeks.

 

In your case, I would suggest meeting ASAP and staying at a hotel for the first few nights.

[Cora]

We waited 5 months to meet; he flew to me; and it's going great.

 

With your situation, if you're able to squeeze a weekend in, do.

The more time together the better.

I don't see the point of meeting up in a place out of town because it's just more expense for the both of you.

Plus, it's a Guy From The Internet.

While they're not all weirdos (ahem), there are still enough out there: stay safe and close to your home base/network of friends and family.

 

If he's able to travel, opt for that and have him stay in a hotel.

Look at your budget and see what you can afford to contribute.

Consider offering to split the ticket or hotel OR you pick up expenses during the weekend (dinners out, entertainment, cabs).

 

Like you, I had a some doubts early on and came very close to cancelling.

And again like you, I decided not to so there'd be no regrets.

 

Boy am I ever happy I stayed the course!

He's one of the most fantastic people I've ever met and I love him to pieces.

 

Here's hoping the same for you.

Have fun!

 

You know, that makes so much sense! I initially suggested we meet halfway to be fair, but honestly, the more I think about it the more I'm asking myself...what was I thinking? I want to get to know him and feel safe about it. I wont feel comfortable in some new town I've never been to before where I know no one. Now I just need to figure out how to let him know I've changed my mind without sounding too selfish. I really like your idea. I could stay at my home and just help him pay for his lodging, travel expense etc. That way I'd save money. Best of all, I'd totally feel more comfortable with that. Glad things worked out so well with you!

[Cora]

Hi, Cora! Glad to see you're doing well; it's been aaaages.

 

In our case, we waited several months to meet. We really, really wanted it to be sooner, but that was the soonest term break that he'd get, and we were a few thousand miles apart so it wouldn't have been worth it to just fly in for the weekend. And we had known each other as friends IRL before (though I was unavailable at that time), so it made the wait easier knowing that we already knew what each other was like IRL - no unpleasant surprises there.

 

We were already fairly committed before we met, so he stayed over at my place for a couple of weeks.

 

In your case, I would suggest meeting ASAP and staying at a hotel for the first few nights.

 

 

Hi Elswyth!! Missed you!

 

Yeah, I would have met him sooner if I had known we were ever going to be more than email buddies. LOL I honestly had no romantic feelings for him when we first started communicating. I just figured he was nice enough and would be someone to pass the time with. I guess he grew on me?

 

I'm glad things worked out so well for you! I'm really nervous, but not getting my hopes up at the same time. I was trying not to get too attached to him before actually meeting. That way if we don't click, no hurt feelings you know? At the same time there is a part of me that still wants to back out. I'm torn...

[LittleTiger]

Yes, definitely have him fly to you. Much safer that way. Personally I wouldn't offer to share travel costs the first time. If all goes well when you meet though, you can spend your budget on showing him around and save up to pay your own fare when you visit him.

 

That said, I broke every rule in the book when kiwi man and I first met.

 

We had to wait two months. It would have been sooner but the 12,000 mile distance was a bit of an obstacle!

 

He flew to me, I picked him up from the airport and he stayed in my home for three weeks! CRAZY when I think about it now, but I went on gut instinct and fortunately I hit the jackpot.

 

He was actually supposed to be staying elsewhere but we were inseparable from the moment we met - pretty ironic considering what we have to deal with now.

 

We had been talking for several hours a day, every day for two months and I figured, if he was some crazy guy preying on women over the internet he would probably have picked a target a little closer to home!

 

Don't follow my example though. Even though I was 44, with my head screwed on, what I did was very risky. Stay safe and meet somewhere close to home in a public place. Tell your friends and family where you are going when you're with him and pay attention to your instincts.

 

Most of all have fun. Enjoy whatever time you have together and don't worry about future plans. If its meant to be you'll find a way to make it work.

 

Don't forget to come back and let us know how it goes

[allenpo123]

Maybe meeting halfway? Me and my LDR online guy spoke for 1.5 years and we're meeting up next week... Before we spoke about meeting up, and we had to weigh the easiest way to meet up, we both would prefer the other one to come, but it would only be fair to meet halfway. It might take a while for both of you to have time. (but since you guys are on the same continent, if you really don't have the time, maybe he could drive to you and spend a little time together at least?) Be sure to have a time set though, you don't want to wait around forever..

 

Good luck!

[Els]

Hi Elswyth!! Missed you!

 

Yeah, I would have met him sooner if I had known we were ever going to be more than email buddies. LOL I honestly had no romantic feelings for him when we first started communicating. I just figured he was nice enough and would be someone to pass the time with. I guess he grew on me?

 

I'm glad things worked out so well for you! I'm really nervous, but not getting my hopes up at the same time. I was trying not to get too attached to him before actually meeting. That way if we don't click, no hurt feelings you know? At the same time there is a part of me that still wants to back out. I'm torn...

 

Don't back out unless you're getting dangerous vibes or something's-not-right vibes from him, is my suggestion. We all get those first-time nerves and if we'd let that stop us, none of us would be with our guys! Assuming you meet in a public place first and don't arrange for him to stay over, the worst that would likely happen is that you both find you don't mesh in person. But at least you'll know that you've tried. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, eh?

[Cora]

Yes, definitely have him fly to you. Much safer that way. Personally I wouldn't offer to share travel costs the first time. If all goes well when you meet though, you can spend your budget on showing him around and save up to pay your own fare when you visit him.

 

That said, I broke every rule in the book when kiwi man and I first met.

 

We had to wait two months. It would have been sooner but the 12,000 mile distance was a bit of an obstacle!

 

He flew to me, I picked him up from the airport and he stayed in my home for three weeks! CRAZY when I think about it now, but I went on gut instinct and fortunately I hit the jackpot.

 

He was actually supposed to be staying elsewhere but we were inseparable from the moment we met - pretty ironic considering what we have to deal with now.

 

We had been talking for several hours a day, every day for two months and I figured, if he was some crazy guy preying on women over the internet he would probably have picked a target a little closer to home!

 

Don't follow my example though. Even though I was 44, with my head screwed on, what I did was very risky. Stay safe and meet somewhere close to home in a public place. Tell your friends and family where you are going when you're with him and pay attention to your instincts.

 

Most of all have fun. Enjoy whatever time you have together and don't worry about future plans. If its meant to be you'll find a way to make it work.

 

Don't forget to come back and let us know how it goes

 

 

Aww your story is so sweet! I'm glad you hit the jackpot!! And wow, 12,000 miles apart!! That's amazing how you two made it work. I love just coming on here and reading all you guys stories. It's truly inspirational and gives me hope that if I ever fall in love, distance doesn't have to come between it. Thanks for your encouragement and I'll definitely come back and give updates on how things go!

[Cora]

Maybe meeting halfway? Me and my LDR online guy spoke for 1.5 years and we're meeting up next week... Before we spoke about meeting up, and we had to weigh the easiest way to meet up, we both would prefer the other one to come, but it would only be fair to meet halfway. It might take a while for both of you to have time. (but since you guys are on the same continent, if you really don't have the time, maybe he could drive to you and spend a little time together at least?) Be sure to have a time set though, you don't want to wait around forever..

 

Good luck!

 

Yeah, we are still sorting out all the details. And you are right about not wanting to wait around forever. Wow, so you're meeting next week huh? That's exciting!! Hope it all goes well for you!!

[Cora]

Don't back out unless you're getting dangerous vibes or something's-not-right vibes from him, is my suggestion. We all get those first-time nerves and if we'd let that stop us, none of us would be with our guys! Assuming you meet in a public place first and don't arrange for him to stay over, the worst that would likely happen is that you both find you don't mesh in person. But at least you'll know that you've tried. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, eh?

 

 

To be completely honest with you, my nerves are so bad that I've actually been wracking my brain, trying to sense some bad vibes, a warning sign, a red flag...something...anything to cause doubts and give me a good excuse to back out. But I come up with nothing. I know it sounds weird, but I just get so nervous about these things. I do want to meet him so badly though! I worry about things like, if we meet will he not like what he sees? What we don't click? What if it's really awkward and we have nothing to talk about? LOL Little insecurities like that you know? I've attempted to talk about these things with him a bit and he assures me that I couldn't possibly disappoint him. Hmmm...my doubts still linger though. I've never once got a danger vibe from him though. He always makes me feel nothing but comfortable. So I know I have no reason to back out. I'm just trying to calm these darn nerves. One would think I've never done this before. I mean I've met guys before off the internet, but they were local guys. Thankfully, I've never had a bad experience. I've just never met anyone in person who lives this far away. It's the same for him. He actually told me he kept deleting the matches the dating site we met on kept sending him that were far away. But for some reason he decided to give me a chance. He thinks it's amazing how I'm always finishing his sentences. LOL We are definitely going to meet somewhere in public. Wouldn't have it any other way. Even if I wanted to, he wouldn't allow it. Just the kind of guy he is. Sorry for the wall of text!

[sweetjasmine]

For those of you who met your s/o online, how long did you wait to meet in person? How did you make it happen and how did it go?

 

We were in contact for about a year, maybe a bit more, before we met. We were just friends. He was supposed to come to a big meet-up in a nearby city, but got sick a few days before, so we arranged to have him come visit at a later date. He flew in, and I took the train. We ended up meeting in a public place and getting dinner. I wasn't expecting to like him as much as I did... Neither of us had expectations going in. Although we both admitted to thinking "what if...?" at some point in the days before we met, we didn't think the other was thinking that! Everything went smoothly, and the rest is history. We were long distance for 2 years (I had moved even farther away for grad school) and moved in together after that. We married last month.

 

I'll admit, I have my doubts about whether I could even handle an LDR or would even want to. On the other hand I feel like I'd always regret it if I didn't at least meet him.

 

Only one way to find out if you can handle it, right? LDRs definitely aren't for everyone, but they're certainly doable. Better to give it a try, IMO.

 

My question is, what's the best way to go about this? Should I go to him, he come to me, or meet somewhere in the middle? How long should the meeting last? I mean of course you want to make it worthwhile since we are a fair distance apart. It's just my issues are I'm a bit tight on money right now and I don't have much time off from work. I mean I may be able to squeeze a weekend in.

 

Just looking for some tips and ideas from you guys who have been there. I should add I'm nervous as hell!

 

I think it's best if one of you doesn't have to travel very much to get to where you're meeting. It's safer for you if he comes to where you are and you first meet in a public place. I second the suggestion of letting a friend or family member know what's going on, where you'll be, etc. And it's okay to have the meeting last just one day or weekend, since you've never actually met before. If it goes well, great - you can then figure out what you want and start making future plans. If it doesn't go well, then he won't be stuck there, waiting to go home.

 

I hope it goes well and wish you all the best!

[FitChick]

Someone only interested in a hookup or robbing you isn't going to wait for months and constantly communicate unless you are VERY rich.

 

I met my ex after three months of emails and toward the end, daily phone calls. I had no doubts about him but tried to keep an open mind. He stayed at the local Econolodge the first night but after that he stayed with me. My intuition is pretty good so I wasn't worried. The worst part was the travelling (10 hr flight) every six to eight weeks for one of us. We had things like immigration to deal with so that ultimately led to our breakup since he wasn't ready to get married so soon.

 

Long distance dating isn't for sissies!

[HeavenOrHell]

3 1/2 months after we started talking online, we talked on skype/video, and on the phone every day for hours before we met.

 

Bit by bit we got closer, we shared a lot online and on the phone.

 

We tried to play it down and not put expectations onto it, but it was hard not to, we both felt we had to meet asap.

 

I'm in the UK, he's in mainland Europe, so nowhere near as far away as some couples.

 

We met in the middle, neutral ground, we did share a hotel room/bed I told my friends where I'd be and a couple of them checked up on me. We had 4 or 5 days for our first visit, I wouldn't meet for longer in case you don't hit it off in the way you hope.

 

It was wonderful, felt like a dream.

 

 

For those of you who met your s/o online, how long did you wait to meet in person? How did you make it happen and how did it go?

 

I met this guy online around September of last year. We've been keeping in touch via email and phone ever since almost daily. I honestly thought we'd end up pen pals at best and I was ok with that. But those feelings came creeping up as they always seem to do. About a month ago, out of the blue, he asked me how I would feel about meeting in person? I told him I'd be up for it. I'll admit, I have my doubts about whether I could even handle an LDR or would even want to. On the other hand I feel like I'd always regret it if I didn't at least meet him.

 

So anyway, we've been talking about it and have decided to meet sometime after the hollidays. He lives 900 miles away, which I know is nothing compared to most of you guys! I honestly don't see how you guys do it, but you have my admiration! He's already told me the most important thing is that he want's to make sure I'm 100% comfortable with meeting him.

 

My question is, what's the best way to go about this? Should I go to him, he come to me, or meet somewhere in the middle? How long should the meeting last? I mean of course you want to make it worthwhile since we are a fair distance apart. It's just my issues are I'm a bit tight on money right now and I don't have much time off from work. I mean I may be able to squeeze a weekend in.

 

Just looking for some tips and ideas from you guys who have been there. I should add I'm nervous as hell!

[HeavenOrHell]

Me and my partner were both very nervous beforehand, but we just found it endearing that the other was nervous too

 

 

 

 

To be completely honest with you, my nerves are so bad that I've actually been wracking my brain, trying to sense some bad vibes, a warning sign, a red flag...something...anything to cause doubts and give me a good excuse to back out. But I come up with nothing. I know it sounds weird, but I just get so nervous about these things. I do want to meet him so badly though! I worry about things like, if we meet will he not like what he sees? What we don't click? What if it's really awkward and we have nothing to talk about? LOL Little insecurities like that you know? I've attempted to talk about these things with him a bit and he assures me that I couldn't possibly disappoint him. Hmmm...my doubts still linger though. I've never once got a danger vibe from him though. He always makes me feel nothing but comfortable. So I know I have no reason to back out. I'm just trying to calm these darn nerves. One would think I've never done this before. I mean I've met guys before off the internet, but they were local guys. Thankfully, I've never had a bad experience. I've just never met anyone in person who lives this far away. It's the same for him. He actually told me he kept deleting the matches the dating site we met on kept sending him that were far away. But for some reason he decided to give me a chance. He thinks it's amazing how I'm always finishing his sentences. LOL We are definitely going to meet somewhere in public. Wouldn't have it any other way. Even if I wanted to, he wouldn't allow it. Just the kind of guy he is. Sorry for the wall of text!