Ready2Settle Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 There is a man who has been pretty actively pursuing me for 2 years now. He lives a couple states away (introduced by mutual friends). He flew down and stayed the weekend to just meet me 2 years ago. I told him I had a boyfriend but we could meet in a group setting as friends only. He still came. After that, we did date other people but kept in fairly regular contact. He even sent me a very sweet surprise gift for my birthday last year. I honestly wasn't terribly interested at that point but I liked him as a person a lot. Last month, he flew back to visit me for an entire weekend. I always liked him as a friend and felt a small interest, but over this visit, I completely fell for him and realized he is the kind of man I have been looking for. After he left, he has communicated daily with me, sometimes more. He talked about us getting back together again. He calls to check on me if I'm down, talks about my day, our lives, what is going on. There is depth. He has acted as if we are a couple. I asked him not long after our weekend together what I should do... telling him that I couldn't be the "friends with benefits" so I would either need to back off to reset the friend factor, or we needed to talk about how to progress forward. He said it was too far to have a real relationship and truly "know" one another, but he had feelings for me, didn't want to lose me, and we agreed to pray on it and see what happened. The communication continued as normal after that and he still pursued but we really haven't brought that topic back up yet. Things were fine until this past weekend (even up until Friday when he told me he really cared for me) when he said he was going away on business. He told me he would call me at the end of the weekend. For the first time, he didn't back it up, which surprised me a lot. He was absent from Facebook all weekend. This week, he began commenting on MY Fbook posts like nothing had happened. He is going through possible job loss but I wondered if maybe he was with someone else, or in his "man cave". This man means so much to me that I really don't want to lose him and I feel he could be husband material later on... but there is weirdness after this last weekend and the fact is, he is out of state. As a female, I am in an emotional state that makes me second guess EVERYTHING I do in regards to him. Do I ignore him and make him chase or act normal? (Which I can't) I am a wreck. How can I cope with this? I want to spend more time and grow closer... but I'm not going to be an idiot and chase him, either. Any suggestions as to how to handle this situation? Especially some male viewpoints?
Author Ready2Settle Posted November 17, 2012 Author Posted November 17, 2012 When I say "get back together" I meant visit each other again. This last time was when we slept together. I know now it wasn't the best idea because of the emotional attachment I now feel so strongly....
Author Ready2Settle Posted November 17, 2012 Author Posted November 17, 2012 Why would he put that much money into a second trip and continue the contact if that is all it was?... It was over a month ago and it just slowed this week...? Why all the effort?
veggirl Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 Well realistically what are you expecting? He said that he doesn't see anything developing because of the distance. So...why bother? You are setting yourself up to be hurt. He was up front, it won't be anything more because you live far apart from one another, and it seems like you are wanting a relationship? I am a little confused, I guess. Are you wanting to change his mind on his "not gonna go further" stance?
dasein Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 I think you are a bit over your head here as in bought in too much, and it may be coloring your judgment. Is it possible he just forgot to call due to being busy or distracted on his business trip? He did start commenting on FB after returning. IMO, you should detach yourself emotionally from this and seek objectivity. You are talking about marriage with a guy you really don't know that well other than various pleasant but long distance back and forth over two years. Has he brought up marriage or even the possibility of one of you moving to be closer? I bet he contacts soon though. Good luck.
Author Ready2Settle Posted November 17, 2012 Author Posted November 17, 2012 Hey guys, Thank you for your straight up honesty and kindness. Yes, he has discussed marriage and we have talked about it. He said he wants to live like I do and he told me he is sick of dating and ready to find the one to marry. He has mentioned trying to get a job down here near me. He has also mentioned future visits. We have very close friends in common that believe he is trying to move as well. I also think things may be more complicated for him right now facing job loss. No one sees him as the player type, in fact very much planning oriented and methodical. He just now contacted me from vacation, so he is still around.. It looks like I AM very much overly emotional and over involved in my head. I think there is good possibility here but I can't put all my cards on the table with it. I DO think this is my fault... I tried to reserve the intimacy for later and failed in the presence of a great weekend ...YES I am really,really beating myself up about it something fierce because I know my heart became attached when I did so. I have had a list of what I want in a man for a long time... he pretty much met all those, so I got very excited... How do you handle a situation like this....where there MAY be a future, yet not be so involved you get hurt? I think losing him completely would be a mistake. I think cutting off all contact might be knee jerk...however I think I have to reset my emotions in some manner?..... I normally am not this crazy in relationships...this one has me kind of nuts! LOL:rolleyes:
Author Ready2Settle Posted November 17, 2012 Author Posted November 17, 2012 I guess what I am saying is... do I start ignoring his calls/texts/comments or what? I suck at this!!
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