Farside Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 My BF of 15 years broke up with me a month ago. He said he felt we were growing apart and we wanted different things out of our future. Mainly marriage and children. Right before we broke up I told him that I thought about everything and I wanted the same things he did. Well it didn't apparently matter. He broke up with me anyway. They day it happened I asked him if that's it he's going to spend the rest of his life without me and find some one else to marry and whatnot. He sounded stunned like he hadnt thought that far ahead. He's the type of guy who gets something in his head and that's it. He has to do it, no matter what. So I am not sure he actually thought this through. I moved out of the house we shared for 6 years. He tried texting me about stupid stuff a few times. I didn't answer him. I want him to understand that I am mad and hurt. He acknowledged that I no longer wanted to talk to him and that was it. He stopped trying. I found out it took him 2 weeks to tell his family we were through. And he didn't text me on my bday. So im wondering. Do your BF or GF ever realize the mistake they made and try winning you back? My mom keeps telling me everything happens for a reason. And I won't know the reason while im in the middle of this. But can there ever be that happy ending where it all works out in the end?
thembones Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 I have learned to be happy without my ex. She left me and after 3 months almost no contact, I wondered if we ever had a chance. So, I contacted her and straight up asked her (well after 3 hours of catching up). She said no and I have been much happier since, as I wanted to know either way. I was very unhappy at the beginning, but I am much happier now. You just have to be happy with yourself and the rest will fall into place.
not-a-drive-by Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 Hi Farside Funny how you mentioned that your mum said that everything happens for a reason. My ex broke up with me 5 months ago, and just as I was washing the dishes, it occurred to me that everything does happen for a reason. Maybe we weren't meant to be and that something greater is going to be there for us. But we can't tell the future or what will happen, so we just have to keep living. I have been on another forum during my rides to and from work. There areover 100 pages of people sharing stories about getting back with their ex's. They do come back, but it's just a matter of whether it will happen to you. It's not impossible, but try not to keep your hopes like I am doing . It's toxic, but I am having difficulties losing hope. My birthday is tomorrow, and I doubt I'll get a text, seeing that he said nothing on our anniversary which just passed this Thursday . Hang in there.
ItxWillxGetxBetter Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 Hi Farside, I agree with your mother. Everything happens for a reason. When I reflect back at my past relationships I have been hurt 2x times in my life. This will be my third. The first time I was hurt I was devastated and during the process of healing I grew so much. I became more confident, more sociable and a better person all around. At the time I was hating it and didnt realize the changes that was happening to me. After it was all said and done the girls that I dated after were far better in every measurable metric then the one that hurt me. As I reflect back I would not change a thing. I think that was the best thing that could have happened in my life but while I was going through it and I didnt see past the fog of pain. Fast forward today in which I was just broken up with in a 9 year relationship. There are times that I hope she eventually realizes what I meant to her and comes back but then I realize that everything happens for a reason. If she comes back then great if not then its ok i'm sure I will be fine. Just focus on yourself and do the things that will better you. Remember learn to love the journey not the destination. Not to give you hope but from what I gather on these boards they typically come back at the 6-8 month mark but by that time your typically are over them and have moved on with your life.
Author Farside Posted November 17, 2012 Author Posted November 17, 2012 I appreciate all of the great responses. I woke up this morning and wrote him an email, whicj I haven't sent yet. It basically explains that I do not feel we grew apart. It states how we never grew together. How I was always there for him when he needed me the most. But he couldn't return the favor. How I expected that now that we are in our early 30's each other and our families should be our priority not our friends. In my opinion he chooses friends over myself and his family all the time. I wanted to tell him that it scared me to think of raising a family on my own. In the email I admitted I am not perfect but he was not there for me. I am writing this to heal asked him not to respond. I am not sure I want to hear what he has to say. I just want him to hear me out. The problem is I am the one who initiated no contact. Do I break that to say my peace? To make me feel better? I am worried that since he is selfish it will fall on deaf ears. He hasn't tried to contact me in 3 weeks. I don't know if he is just leaving me alone because I didn't respond to his texts or if he just doesn't care anymore. I would love for it all to work out between us, but things have to be different. So what would you do? Would you break your silence to get things you have figured out off your chest? Or do you maintain the silence? Remember in my email I have said specifically I do not want him to respond. Thoughts?
ilovedhim Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 Maintain NC. He broke up with you so you were right in asking for no contact so you can heal. Don't send the email. Good you wrote it out for you.. .since you don't want a response and he probbaly won't tell you what you want to hear anyway. And in my experience they do make contact but by that time youve already moved on.
Author Farside Posted November 17, 2012 Author Posted November 17, 2012 I actually never asked for no contact. I just ignored his texts. I couldn't answer him. I was too hurt. We didn't break up on bad terms. It just ended out of the blue. I wonder since he hasn't tried to contact me that he might just actually be giving me space since I never answered him. I mean how many times do you try contacting a person if you have had no success? I just feel like in some breakups it can both people that can have something to do with the cause. And as I realize things I should be honest. Even though I don't want a response and l don't want to hear anything negative I think I have nothing to loose. I don't expect him to come running back. But I want him to hear what I have to say. I want to do it for myself. I can say at least I said it. I put it out there.
not-a-drive-by Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 (edited) If you haven't said all you want, then say it to him, either via email or in person. As dumpees, we always want to be heard to get some kind of "closure". When dumpees don't get that chance, they carry on for months saying that they never had the chance etc, and I think it hinders moving on even more. It is up to you whether you want to take that step, because as ilovedhim said, he will listen but won't tell you what you want to hear. When I did it a week or two after our break up, boy did he have his life planned out without me. Very well thought out I'd say. Everything I put out, there was a rebuttal on his side. It felt good seeing him again, but knowing that I won't be part of it, sucks. Maybe it was too early on that we met to discuss these things, because we never had the space and time to think things through. He was pretty much trying to confirm that his actions were right, and breaking up was the best thing. Edited November 17, 2012 by not-a-drive-by
Author Farside Posted November 17, 2012 Author Posted November 17, 2012 I asked him when he dumped me "thats it you are moving on. You want to spend the rest of your life without me. You are going to find someone else and get married and have kids" he was taken aback. He stumbled with his words. He said I don't know, yeah I guess so. It was like he only thought about instant gratification and didn't think about his decision long term. I emailed him the same day he called and dumped me. I asked if I was ever the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with and have a family with. He said at one point I was. I said I would like it to be that way again. He said it can't be that way at this point. I said I hope it can be that way in the future. He said maybe it will be but he's not sure. Right now he just needed to be on his own. So I guess I don't think he has this planned out. I think its just something he felt like he needed to do and he would deal with the next step when he got to it. I think I am looking for closure. I actually don't want a response from him. I am not doing this for a response. Im doing it because I feel like its important to say certain things.
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