Theta Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 So we dated for 2+ years. She went after me after her relationship with someone else ended badly. I was pretty happy but unsure at first, fast forward to now and I barely remember it I was so comfortable. She was always there when I needed help but I was rarely ever there. When we spent time together it was still wonderful. I noticed a week before she wasn't clinging to me like before, always texting and calling. I tried to talk to her many times but I don't think I realized fully what was happening. We had a fun night and she told me she wanted a short break, and we had sex. I started to feel maybe it was permanent and felt really horrible, like it was all my fault. I texted something a little heated to her about how she had once cheated on me when feeling down after a fight (we only had 3 or 4 total fights in this relationship, I was way to comfortable). She responded by saying she felt like she had messed up and now we could never get back together, but said she thought we would when she had the idea of taking a break. I talked to her about a new male friend, who she doesn't really like, but this guy helps all girls with there problems so none of them ever feel the need to like him back. She was surprised I actually stayed on the phone for more than 15 minutes but told me she felt really good now that she is single. She said she didn't want that to hurt me. My plan is to see how she feels not having the consistency I once gave her for the things she actually loved like when I used to help her. When she broke it off she said we could still have sex, leading me to believe she wanted freedom and what little I actually gave her in the relationship. I want to only let her contact me, and if I am even slightly busy the conversation will end instantly. If I want to talk I'll help her for hours. She will never get consistency from me and will see if she still feels like I can't change and she is happy single. I am planning on going on a friendly date with her in a month and likely having that sex. But still no consistency unless she reaches out to me. I can also see if I am happier with staying single after that month. Thanks guys, what do you think?
LostOne1 Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 So we dated for 2+ years. She went after me after her relationship with someone else ended badly. I was pretty happy but unsure at first, fast forward to now and I barely remember it I was so comfortable. She was always there when I needed help but I was rarely ever there. When we spent time together it was still wonderful. I noticed a week before she wasn't clinging to me like before, always texting and calling. I tried to talk to her many times but I don't think I realized fully what was happening. We had a fun night and she told me she wanted a short break, and we had sex. I started to feel maybe it was permanent and felt really horrible, like it was all my fault. I texted something a little heated to her about how she had once cheated on me when feeling down after a fight (we only had 3 or 4 total fights in this relationship, I was way to comfortable). She responded by saying she felt like she had messed up and now we could never get back together, but said she thought we would when she had the idea of taking a break. I talked to her about a new male friend, who she doesn't really like, but this guy helps all girls with there problems so none of them ever feel the need to like him back. She was surprised I actually stayed on the phone for more than 15 minutes but told me she felt really good now that she is single. She said she didn't want that to hurt me. My plan is to see how she feels not having the consistency I once gave her for the things she actually loved like when I used to help her. When she broke it off she said we could still have sex, leading me to believe she wanted freedom and what little I actually gave her in the relationship. I want to only let her contact me, and if I am even slightly busy the conversation will end instantly. If I want to talk I'll help her for hours. She will never get consistency from me and will see if she still feels like I can't change and she is happy single. I am planning on going on a friendly date with her in a month and likely having that sex. But still no consistency unless she reaches out to me. I can also see if I am happier with staying single after that month. Thanks guys, what do you think? Well neglecting is a harsh thing.. it's what lost me my ex. She was on a 4 hr trip away for 2 months and our communicaiton suffered and a new guy friend was there for her. So naturally she probably felt he was doing what a good bf does. Sucks because physically I can't hug her or comfort her and he can.. worst of all he told her he likes her. So guess it was an easy decision for her. In your case.. I don't know. If A girl ever cheated on me I'd be done with her. Which is why I am happy my ex is done with me. It be hard to take her back and know possibly she slept with this guy friend. My ex wasn't like that.. but what else am I supposed to think when all she talked about was him on the phone.
Author Theta Posted November 17, 2012 Author Posted November 17, 2012 The scariest thing is that she says she's happy, wants to move on without hurting me, and wants me to move on. It kills me when she says "I'm just a girl" and stuff. Oh well I guess I had my chance.
Author Theta Posted November 17, 2012 Author Posted November 17, 2012 At the same time she is saying we should both move on she has said it's not completely impossible for us to get back together. I think she is happy because I'm being more loving then I have ever been now that I realized what I've done. She said we need to stay friends and she couldn't have me completely out of her life after 2 years. Do I have a good chance?
LostOne1 Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 At the same time she is saying we should both move on she has said it's not completely impossible for us to get back together. I think she is happy because I'm being more loving then I have ever been now that I realized what I've done. She said we need to stay friends and she couldn't have me completely out of her life after 2 years. Do I have a good chance? I would say no. My ex told me that stuff too and it was misleading. Some days she felt the love and other days she was super cold. I just think it's a battle of her not wanting to lose you yet, because she has no one else. But if she finds someone else then your history if she likes that person more. Staying friends to me means that your a backup guy now. If it were me I would tell her I want to move on and then stop all contact with her. This helps in 2 ways. 1) you get to move on and start to heal with life without her. 2) She has to choose between working it out and losing you forever. Which means if she really wants to work it out, she will FIGHT for it. And if she doesn't then you know your answer, which is she doesn't want to be with you. I wish I had done this with my ex when she BU with me. Just told her and give her the space and move on with my life.
Author Theta Posted November 18, 2012 Author Posted November 18, 2012 She said she still cares a lot about me as a friend which really stings. She doesn't even mention trying to fix our situation or discuss our future. I feel absolutely worthless since she said it was going to be a short break. I told her we won't be friends but catch up occasionally. I hope she's feeling good because I am actually paying attention to her now but it feels like now that we won't be talking she'll just want me to move on rather than miss me. At least we're on good terms.
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