Conscience Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 I met her, it generally went well we had a light converstaion we spoke a litle bit about issues she had with me, I offered to pay for lunch she agreed! When we left I offered to walk her back to her work building and she agreed, when we got there she thank me for the flowers I sent her and I offered to give her some space and to maybe call her in a week to see how she's feeling about all this and she agreed. I then received a picture of the flowers I sent her as I hadn't seen her since they where ordered online. In one week ill call her and offer to go for lunch again and take it slow and see from there.... Is this a good strategy and is it safe to say that there is a 50/50 chance of getting back togheter?
veggirl Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 (edited) Let me get this straight. SHE dumps YOU (approx one week ago) and then you... send her flowers buy her lunch Shouldn't she be the one trying to get you back, she is the one who ended things. Why did she break up with you again? Are you planning on doing all the work here? I don't think you should contact her. Why don't you wait and see if she contacts you? Edited November 16, 2012 by veggirl 1
Author Conscience Posted November 17, 2012 Author Posted November 17, 2012 Let me get this straight. SHE dumps YOU (approx one week ago) and then you... send her flowers buy her lunch Shouldn't she be the one trying to get you back, she is the one who ended things. Why did she break up with you again? Are you planning on doing all the work here? I don't think you should contact her. Why don't you wait and see if she contacts you? Reason why is that I wasent nice and acted like a douche that why she dumped me, I didn't feel it was right to expect her to come back when I'm the one at fault ..... I'm respecting her space since she is sad and still upset about the hole thing.
Jono85 Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 Reason why is that I wasent nice and acted like a douche that why she dumped me, I didn't feel it was right to expect her to come back when I'm the one at fault ..... I'm respecting her space since she is sad and still upset about the hole thing. be careful here. girls (not in general but many i find) can shift the blame at the end of a breakup to you, to relieve their guilt. she may have just stopped loving you (don't believe her words, believe her actions) and wants to try other guys, so an easy way out is to make you feel responsible for losing her/screwing it up. i'm not saying this is the case. but just tread lightly. apologize for everything you think you did wrong, and tell her this isn't what you want and want to work things out with her (i'm sure you've done all that) but then you need to LEAVE THINGS. it isn't attractive to be chasing her around when she dumped you. i'm learning this hard lesson right now, as my ex blamed me for everything (a lot of it granted she's right about, can't even lie). BUT she also wasn't the perfect girlfriend either. and now I'm going to leave things alone. i've said my apologies and she knows I love her/care about her more than anything and want to work on things. But if she doesn't want that, i'm not about to keep trying. so don't pursue her too hard. you have to remain a bit of a challenge or she won't take the bait.
Hopeful714 Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 I am a girl who dumped my boyfriend because he was a douche and could have treated me a whole lot better. I don't know how badly you treated or the other poster treated his girl, but I know I left because I felt like a doormat and felt I could do better. There was no other guy for me to run to when I left. I didn't want to leave him, it was just that I felt if I stayed, nothing would change and my heart and esteem would continue to take the hit. I would love it if my ex would come back and want to try again (most likely wont) but I also know it would need to be a very slow process where the trust and caring are completely rebuilt and I would need to see positive change. So no, the dumper shouldn't always be begging to come back. I begged enough for things that should have been given while I was present that weren't. Advice-find out what this girl needs from you to make her happy. Talk with her and hear what she says. Decide if you can and want to give it to her. Don't be trying to come back because you miss the se*, or your ego is bruised. Be real. Don't go overboard though and always maintain respect to yourself....dont let her walk over you. I agree some girls will make the guy look like the bad guy. But then you really have to dig deep to see if they were right or just blaming you. Only you know that for sure. I dont know of your chances of getting back together. But if she is willing to have and meets you for lunch #2, and there are open lines of communication, Id say at least the POSSIBILITY is there. I dont agree with the poster about being a challenge or throwing out "bait" Thats game playing and she will sniff that out and say bye bye again! Good luck.
Author Conscience Posted November 18, 2012 Author Posted November 18, 2012 I am a girl who dumped my boyfriend because he was a douche and could have treated me a whole lot better. I don't know how badly you treated or the other poster treated his girl, but I know I left because I felt like a doormat and felt I could do better. There was no other guy for me to run to when I left. I didn't want to leave him, it was just that I felt if I stayed, nothing would change and my heart and esteem would continue to take the hit. I would love it if my ex would come back and want to try again (most likely wont) but I also know it would need to be a very slow process where the trust and caring are completely rebuilt and I would need to see positive change. So no, the dumper shouldn't always be begging to come back. I begged enough for things that should have been given while I was present that weren't. Advice-find out what this girl needs from you to make her happy. Talk with her and hear what she says. Decide if you can and want to give it to her. Don't be trying to come back because you miss the se*, or your ego is bruised. Be real. Don't go overboard though and always maintain respect to yourself....dont let her walk over you. I agree some girls will make the guy look like the bad guy. But then you really have to dig deep to see if they were right or just blaming you. Only you know that for sure. I dont know of your chances of getting back together. But if she is willing to have and meets you for lunch #2, and there are open lines of communication, Id say at least the POSSIBILITY is there. I dont agree with the poster about being a challenge or throwing out "bait" Thats game playing and she will sniff that out and say bye bye again! Good luck. Good rational thinking, like I said I offered to call her in one week I will respect her and honor what I said I would do and give her space (Not call or text ) for another week. I think its safe to ask for another lunch date....? There are not allot of things to fix here Like i've said in other posts she is hurt and lost confidance because I was on thin ice already and I acted like a Jerk with her on a specific day... I am under allot of pressure latelly at work and so is she ... she admited to being allways tired lately and that caused her to not message me as often etc and I got paranoid anyways im taking it slow and hopping she misses me in the process..
Jono85 Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 Good rational thinking, like I said I offered to call her in one week I will respect her and honor what I said I would do and give her space (Not call or text ) for another week. I think its safe to ask for another lunch date....? There are not allot of things to fix here Like i've said in other posts she is hurt and lost confidance because I was on thin ice already and I acted like a Jerk with her on a specific day... I am under allot of pressure latelly at work and so is she ... she admited to being allways tired lately and that caused her to not message me as often etc and I got paranoid anyways im taking it slow and hopping she misses me in the process.. call me a skeptic, but from the sounds of this, she's lost feelings (not saying all...but that's not a good sign). when girls start blaming work or outside stresses for being distant, it's just not good. especially when it sounds like you didn't just give her that space, you got "paranoid" and probably got needy/insecure and drove her further. i'm only saying these things b/c i've made these mistakes as well. i wish u the best...but ur going to have to re-attract her imo. drop all needy/insecure behaviour if u haven't already. if she gets distant again (eg. isn't so excited/keen to meet up again) just let her go. i just doubt u actually did anything all that terrible to her to warrant her breaking up with u (i know she's probably made u believe u did, but i doubt that's the real reason). but anyway best of luck.
Author Conscience Posted November 19, 2012 Author Posted November 19, 2012 call me a skeptic, but from the sounds of this, she's lost feelings (not saying all...but that's not a good sign). when girls start blaming work or outside stresses for being distant, it's just not good. especially when it sounds like you didn't just give her that space, you got "paranoid" and probably got needy/insecure and drove her further. i'm only saying these things b/c i've made these mistakes as well. i wish u the best...but ur going to have to re-attract her imo. drop all needy/insecure behaviour if u haven't already. if she gets distant again (eg. isn't so excited/keen to meet up again) just let her go. i just doubt u actually did anything all that terrible to her to warrant her breaking up with u (i know she's probably made u believe u did, but i doubt that's the real reason). but anyway best of luck. Good point, Ill stick to the plan and not contact her untill Thursday and offer her to either go for lunch or dinner and see where she stands. I was thinking of doing one more lunch or dinner and see where it goes and if i don't manage to reattract her at this point maybe do one more attemp and if that fails then ill let go? make sense?
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