Mimosalover Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 Hi, This is my first time posting on my site, I hope someone can help. My boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago. It got pretty nasty. He basically said he'd never cared about me, he'd only spent time with me to keep me happy and the only thing he'd feel when he left was relief that he never had to see me again. He'd always been honest about the fact that he had commitment issues but two weeks before he broke up with me he'd told me that I was the first person he'd had feelings for in four years (since his ex girlfriend repeatedly cheated on him), that it scared him but he really wanted things to work with us. Everything was going well. In the week leading up to the break up he had been a bit distant but I put it down to him being stressed at work. The last thing he said to me was ''I'm a horrible person. I'm incredibly selfish. I just want to do what I want, when I want. I don't WANT to care about you anymore. I just want to be a lad again and f*** other women''. I didn't deal with it well. Crying, begging him to give me another chance, trying to stop him leaving etc. Yuck. I feel sick when I think about how I behaved now. I haven't had any contact since he left. It's been hard but i've tried to keep everything he said in my head and every time i've been tempted to text I ask myself 'What good can actually come from contacting him?' and the answer is always 'none'. I've kept busy with my kids, friends, work and college and tried my best to focus on learning what I can from the relationship and break up, moving on and getting back to the person I was before all this. However, today i'm really struggling. I hate the fact everything was left on such bad terms and that his last memory of me was as this desperate mess. I really REALLY want to text him tonight. Not with the aim of getting back together, more just to clear the air. I know I shouldn't though so I thought i'd post on here instead and hopefully someone can help me. I suppose I thought it'd be easier by now but if anything it's actually getting harder. Thanks for taking the time to read this.
NavyAirTraffic Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 ''I'm a horrible person. I'm incredibly selfish. I just want to do what I want, when I want. I don't WANT to care about you anymore. I just want to be a lad again and f*** other women'' What do you think that text will mean to him while he's "f*cking other women"?? Clear the air for what reason, do you think anything he says will make you feel better right now? Do you want to hear about how many women he's banged, or how little he cares about you, again? I wish more people got the blunt honestly that he gave you, there would be a lot less threads on LS.
Author Mimosalover Posted November 16, 2012 Author Posted November 16, 2012 I'm not sure blunt honesty is always helpful. If you have cared about someone then you should have respect for their feelings. There are ways of finishing with people and making it clear that there is no hope of a reconciliation without being crass, hurtful and disrespectful. You should take into account that the mere act of leaving is going to hurt the other person, without rubbing salt into the wound by telling them that you want to go and f*** other people. However, your post was EXACTLY what I needed to hear tonight. You're absolutely right that he doesn't want or need to hear from me. I'd be contacting him in the hope that it would make me feel better and the reality is that it absolutely wouldn't. Thank you
KatZee Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 There's no air to clear from your end. You did nothing wrong. Everything that happened is on him. If he wants the air clean, he can contact you. Delete his number and continue on with NC. You don't need to lose any more of your dignity with this stain of a human. He wants to leave to go f.uck other women? Hold the door open for him.
NavyAirTraffic Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 I'm not sure blunt honesty is always helpful. Do you know how many "what does this mean" and "going to text my ex" threads are out there?? People don't understand that the simple fact your ex broke up with you is all you need to know. When you feel weak just think of the nasty things he's told you. He's armed you with ammunition to get over him, ripped the bandaid off, didn't drag it along. You'll appreciate the brutal honesty when the next guy drags you along, pulls at your heart for months with "I need space", "I just don't want to be in a relationship" "it's not you". Then 6 months down the road (6 months of false hope) you find out he's: got a GF/getting married/having a baby/etc. etc.
Author Mimosalover Posted November 16, 2012 Author Posted November 16, 2012 Thank you Kat Zee, that has helped a lot. I know that me and my children are bloody brilliant and we deserve someone who recognizes that and grabs hold of us with both hands. And yes, in some ways I am thankful to him for everything he said. It's made it easier to move on and not hope for a reconciliation that's never going to happen. As he said himself ''It's easier if I make you hate me''. I suppose there are up days and down days but I know that if I push through the hard days, eventually it will get easier. I think what I struggle with is feeling I was meaningless to him and that i've invested not just mine, but also my childrens, love, faith and energy into someone who didn't deserve or want it. That's a pointless road to go down though. I have to learn from this and do better next time. I know I deserve better and i'm proud of how well i'm doing. Just got to keep on doing it!
golk Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 You're lucky that he was so blunt with you. Really. It might hurt worse short-term to hear it now but in the long run it will help you get pissed about it which you should be. You don't want to be mind-f***** for months only to have it end the same way it's going to end in this current situation. Might as well get over the pain now and accept it. It'll take time. I was being strung along for 3+ months. You DONT want that. I very recently decided to actually let go and I'll tell you, it's like a weight being lifted off your shoulders.
taya Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 What do you think that text will mean to him while he's "f*cking other women"?? Clear the air for what reason, do you think anything he says will make you feel better right now? Do you want to hear about how many women he's banged, or how little he cares about you, again? I wish more people got the blunt honestly that he gave you, there would be a lot less threads on LS. yeah i agree with this dont send any text this guy told you how he really felt now i know it hurts but you have to move on am sorry this happen to you , i have been there so i know it hurts like hell but you know what will hurt more you bothering him and him keep hurting you ..so be a woman and take it he will regret it i think but by then you will be long gone ..come on girl dont lose your self respect do what ever you have to do to not to text or call that man again
Author Mimosalover Posted November 16, 2012 Author Posted November 16, 2012 Thank you, I know you're all right. Absolutely no good can come from contacting him. I suppose the old saying 'sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind' rings true here. It hurts like hell and it's hard to deal with, but better that he was so blunt so I can accept it and get over it now than hang on to some kind of misplaced false hope. Thank you so much for all your advice and helping to keep me strong!
thoughtyouweretheone Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 I am actually going through the same thing right now. We dated for 2 years and we talked about marriage and he bought me expensive jewellery and flowers just the week before he said all these similar things to me. It hurts so bad. But NC is the best way to keep yourself feeling like you. It's been a week for me and I already feel more in control of my emotions. You have to accept the breakup. Don't think of ways to text him that sound legit. You'll drive yourself crazy. Give him as much space as possible to do everything he wants to do, even if it's sleeping around. HE WILL DO THIS IF HE WANTS TO. Texting won't change anything. Prepare yourself for anything & stay away from mutual friends or any places that you may hear things that will make you angry and ruin your progress. Focus on your healing. Then if he decided to talk you'll be better equipped to handle it. Make yourself happy, you're more important than anyone else in your life!! Good luck!
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