Ponzzz Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 Hi all, if youve been browsing these forums from the past six months you may remember some of my posts. As the title suggests, I re-established contact with my ex girlfriend who dumped me 6 months ago. It was over facebook messaging but I had completely removed her from my life until this point. In my initial message, I pretty much told her that I didnt hate her, I juat hated how things turned out. I talked a little bit about my flaws but not in too much detail and apologized for the blocking and whatnot. What she sent me back threw me completely off-guard. She immediately took responsibility for her actions and told me that I was a good man. She told me that she still thinks about me sometimes and that she envies me for being able to love someone freely to which apparently she could not. she told me that I was caring, self-less, thoughtful, etc. And that shes discovered that these traits are very hard to come by. She then told me that she was sorry that she didnt feel the way that she thought she shouldve felt about a boyfriend and that her actions still haunt her. She wil always care for me and told me that I did make her happy. She also admitted to being very lost and not knowing who she was and where she was going. Then unecessarily mentioned that she had been seeing someone for the past 2 months who was just as lost as she is and that they were working together to try and figure out their identity. Then she tells me that its nothing serious and that she is incapable of loving someone at this point in her life. At the end, she told me that I never need to apologize for being a good man for her and that she ****ed up. There are so many mixed signals in the way she has opened up this much that its crazy. I know that she feels guilty for her actions but how would interpret these things? Is it purely guilt driven or does it sound like she's starting to regret her decision in dumping me? I currently do not know how I want to proceed from here, ill probably just remain neutral until I figure out what I want for myself.
Author Ponzzz Posted November 16, 2012 Author Posted November 16, 2012 Thank you sir, its nice to hear from someone else that I didnt do anything wrong(it was just hard to believe her when she said it). I was obviously very important to her and I know that, I am still conflicted inside though. I can accept it for what it is but the feelings dont go away. I am happy for her and do hope she finds what she's looking for but I am still stuck on the idea that the person should be me.
Jono85 Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 that's a tough spot man. i think you need to just continue on with no contact. she gave you some indicators that she still would not be interested in trying things again (imo). i think this is why i'll never reach out to my ex ever again, unless she initiates contact (at which point i can decide on what to do). b/c i just wouldn't want to deal with analyzing their response. whereas if they reach out and initiate contact, u know that they sort of want u back in their life or are at least interested enough in you to want to contact you. anyway it's obv up to u how u'd handle it. i would just keep a response brief, and maybe with an overall tone of "thanks for the kind words...well good luck in ur search to find yourself...it was nice to hear from u, take care". but i would treat her email as basically her telling u she's not interested in meeting up/trying again, at least not at the moment, but you're a good man and all the best.
Author Ponzzz Posted November 16, 2012 Author Posted November 16, 2012 Thanks for the response! To me it's 50/50. Indicators everywhere but i shouldnt read too much into the words of a lost person. It's a tough shell to crack but maybe the answer isnt trying to crack it, perhaps it's to let things happen. I cant say im completely over her but I am over her enough to not let my emotions cloud my better judgement
LostOne1 Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 Thanks for the response! To me it's 50/50. Indicators everywhere but i shouldnt read too much into the words of a lost person. It's a tough shell to crack but maybe the answer isnt trying to crack it, perhaps it's to let things happen. I cant say im completely over her but I am over her enough to not let my emotions cloud my better judgement I think your better off letting it happen itself. I tried cracking the shell with my ex and at times I did.. but then her shell got backup again. You can only crack so much. If I could go back and change 1 thing it would be to just go NC and give it time. Or better yet solve the original problems and not have made her feel alone.
Mint Sauce Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 notice that she didn't speak about "attraction". Is it possible that she's still trying to find out what makes her tick on a more physical level? Sounds like she realizes she gave up a very good guy, but still feels that she doesn't long for you the way she wants to long for a guy. Perhaps that's what she found in the new guy, but as he can't compare to you on a higher level, she's doesn't see a future with him either. I'd say she will keep searching until she finds the full match. You should do the same.
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