davemerton32 Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 Hi, My ex girlfriend went on holiday about 2 months ago and told me she doesn't feel the same way about me anymore. Then she came back and ignored me for 2 weeks before I said we need to meet and talk. She broke up with me because she said she couldn't be in a relationship if she wasn't happy. We kinda agreed to be friends but I left it alone even though I was hurt heavily by it. A week later she sent me a message on facebook saying "have a good one playing at the gig tonight, sounds like a fun one :)" and me being the idiot I am replied later saying "thanks, it was a really good gig. how have you been?" then got air time. I met up with her housemates 2 days ago and she showed up at the house later in the evening and it was very awkward. We spoke very briefly before she went to bed. She gave me a hug before she went to bed then she said bye but I didn't respond to that. She spoke to her house mates in Russian and said that she felt awkward because I did. I had a big long chat with her friend who told me that they went out to dinner together a few nights before and had a proper chat about it and she said she reason she broke up with me was because I was too obsessive about the relationship and too needy - which I can't disagree with after thinking about it properly. She was saying to her that she wants to be friends but because she's never been in a relationship she doesn't know how to go about it.... Apparently she hasn't got with anyone else and isn't feeling to. I don't know what to believe, and I don't know what approach to take next. I obviously still care a lot about her and would like to have another chance, but when seeing her I felt like I didn't even want to talk to her because of what had happened. I don't know what I should do next, as theres a chance if I make contact she will just ignore me and I will be back at square one - which I don't want because I have spent weeks thinking about stuff trying to get over it.... Do I stay in no contact and wait for her? Do I take some action? Do I just leave it for good and not bother? Any advice would be appreciated
LostOne1 Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 I'm not sure what to say, But if she saw you being too needy and obsessive, then right now I would leave her alone. If you bug her then you look needy and obsessive again. Best to go NC and just leave her alone. Maybe with time she might change her mind and miss you. But other than that I can't see how talking to her will do any good at the moment.
suladas Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 No matter what, you don't go NC and wait for her. They dumped you, you need to start moving on regardless of what happens, don't put your life on hold for anyone. I also agree give her some time and space.
Author davemerton32 Posted November 18, 2012 Author Posted November 18, 2012 Thanks for the replies, really appreciate it. I agree with everything you're both saying and guess I just have to use no contact as a healing tool and not a means to try and get her to miss me. I was doing alright until I saw her and to be honest I feel like I am still doing alright. I need to continue moving on as I have been and continue doing things for myself. Picturing scenarios in my head proved to be quite unhealthy after the initial break up so there's no need to put myself through that again. It has got a little more random cause I saw her yesterday at the train station. She came over to me quite jokingly and we had a little bit of a catch up and a laugh, although she did not seem to want to look at me face to face....Before if this had happened I would have felt really emotional but I'm seeming to deal with it better, although I still obviously think about it. I'm also going to start giving her house mate Drum lessons again as I used to before so I guess there is an opportunity to know what is up, although I'm not going to ask but just remain professional as I feel it's best not reveal too much as she will probably tell her. I guess I just have to go with it but remain in no contact so I don't relapse?
LostOne1 Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 I guess I just have to go with it but remain in no contact so I don't relapse? yeah spending time with her will make you relapse and it will SUCK. I thought of all the things I would say and do if me and my ex met up. But it hurts more and leads yo hope and when she breaks that hope further it hurts a lot more. Your better off moving on.
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