My jealousy is taking over! . . How can I control it?! . .

[ukie-cutie]

The guy I love with all that I am is coming here in November, we will finally be meeting for the first time face to face. We both care for one another deeply, but we both have jealousy issues.

 

Before I had met him, I was dating one of my ex's, & Anthony was just one of my friends. Well Anthony began to develop feelings for me, and I for him, months passed & we just fell madly in love with each other. Well, he is an actor & stars in different plays. Thing is, when I hear he is going for coffee with one of the girls he acts with, I become really jealous. It's hard for me to hear this. He practically has to kiss them & touch them in the plays, then he goes for coffee. I understand I shouldn't be jealous but it's hard not to be. Because I want to be there with him, I want to be the one looking him in the eye, not the actors & actresses he rehearses with. He as well becomes jealous when I used to hang out with guys friends.

 

How can I stop becoming so overly jealous like this? I'm scared that if I don't learn how to control it, sooner or later my insecurities will ruin the relationship. It's just hard for me not to question if he is seeing another girl, because I have had guys cheat on me, and we have a long distance relationship as well, so it's hard knowing he interacts with other women. How can I control this before it's to late?! . .

[ukie-cutie]

I accidently posted this in the wrong forum, it was supposed to be posted in the Long distance forum, oops. My bad, I apologize.

[Jenny317]

Well actually... I am dealing with the same situation right now. The truth is that nobody can control jealouy, it just comes natually. It is probably because you think he is into those other women, but if you both r deeply inlove like you say, nothing and nobody can control it. and remember... the role he acts in a play well... if the script says he has to touch or kiss the girl...he has too. But yes i know it is very hard to be patient and to keep quiet about how you feel inside, but make sure you love him how you say! I hope what I had said worked!

-Jenny

[moimeme]

The truth is that nobody can control jealouy, it just comes natually.

 

Not true. You can learn to control it. Jealousy = mistrust and mistrust is about what you choose to believe. If you believe that he is faithful, you won't be jealous. The problem is that he could be a saint but as long as you decide to not believe in him, you will be jealous.

 

Since trust is essential for love, until you can banish the jealousy, you'll not really love him.

 

Go to your favourite online bookstore and type 'jealousy' in the search. You'll find plenty of books on how to overcome jealousy.

[Dork]

It's just a kiss.

[sadgrrl]

Is he going out for coffee just the two of them? If it's a larger group I'd say yeah, you'd probably have to learn to deal with that that with the job he has. But if he's going out with just the woman that he's practically kissing on stage, you shouldn't put up with that.

 

That said, I wouldn't like any of it and I don't know if I could date an actor because I'm inclined to be jealous anyway...

[adam's_lover]

That is just like my boyfriend and me...the first time he met me we fell in love and throughout our relationship we've gotten broken apart by his ex girlfriend, Shannon. I don't really have a problem with her at all. The way I overcame my jealousy was by ignoring the two of them when all three of us are together. No matter how much she flirts with him.

[kgal]

I think that jealousy can and does destroy relationships... it makes things very rocky as well. I know this b'cuz I have felt insecurities about my bf and I know he has had the same feelings about me at times. One example is when you can't get a hold of them... or worst yet.. they don't return your call or text right away. Your mind starts to wander... but I think that trust is something that is very important when you love someone. I have gotten better at trusting my bf... I know that if he ever cheated.. I would be out of the relationship like that! He knows how I feel and he knows how much I love him... so hopefully he will just keep that sacred and not jeopardize the 'ship.

 

Just trust him.. if you act all worried, he will get freaked out.. lol. Talk to him about how you feel, that is something I wish I had done instead of getting all mad at my bf when I felt that way. Good Luck!!

[Judas Christian]

Jealousy is a negative behavior that is rooted in our own issues. For instance, if you have low self-esteem, feelings of unworthiness, that sort of thing, then you will certainly experience jealousy when your significant other spends any time with other women. You will likely perceive these women as "threats." Note that I'm saying you will perceive them that way - it doesn't make it a reality.

 

If you really want to cease negative behavior such as jealous reactions, start with yourself. Instead of looking at it from a relationship standpoint, start addressing the obvious issue of your own self-evaluation. Focus on the good things about yourself and gradually realize that you are every bit as worthy of love as anyone else. In doing so, you'll also realize that you needn't be afraid of what your significant other does. There's no need for jealousy. The bottom line, with a good self-image, is that one of two things will be true: either A-your lover wouldn't consider cheating because he's got the best with you, or B-your lover would consider cheating but, once caught, you're better off without such a person anyway because he couldn't see how valuable you are. Jealous relationships can be a psyche killer. Feel better about yourself first, the rest will follow. My two cents.

[Milo]

 

How can I stop becoming so overly jealous like this? I'm scared that if I don't learn how to control it, sooner or later my insecurities will ruin the relationship.

 

Well, for one, is that you in your avatar? If so, then you have nothing to worry about. You'll make out fine.

[marky25]

Jealousy is a big issue in L D R, i used to ring my girlfriend up and make her come home because if she was at home she was safe, wrong i know but you would be surprised what fear can make someone do.

 

you say he is an actor and he kisses women as part of the play or role, well isnty that just his job,if there was really any chemistry with his co stars then they would have got together already,if he is making the effort to come and see you then it sounds like he really likes you.

 

Some jealousy is healthy in arelationship, thats "some" jealousy, its natural.

 

but i know all too well how it can happpen,i had to get a book in the end to control it and it worked but as soon as i had conquered it we broke up lol sods law, but at least i had the mental skills to be able to get over it and deal with it.

 

it all boils down to fear and fear is

 

False

Expectations

Appearing

Real.

 

there is a book call

 

Feel the fear and do it anyway - susan jeffers

 

and this book really helped me because i did evrything i could to stop my gf from seeing friends in the end i even got jealous when she hugged her sister so stop it while you can, im better now though but communication can help, when you see him ask him what his jobs like make a joke of it and if it gets too much just ask him, what his co stars are like, andif that doesnt help maybe arrange a visit to go and see him act and maybe meet them to put your fears at ease.

 

but whatever happens remember it is your life and your feelings do not control you, you are in control and jealousy isnt.

 

hope this helps

 

thanks

 

marky