ASG Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 I don't want older men who think they are compatible with women young enough to be their daughters. So no. If/when I find out any guy I've dated has gone after women that much younger than them, its adios for him. I instantly lose all respect for him. I just hate to see younger women throw their lives away on these guys who refuse to work on their issues and need a younger woman to feel good about themselves. I hate to see women who are lonely, who don't feel good about themselves, or have poor role models for fathers use these guys as substitutes rather than working on their issues too. It doesn't really help either person in the long run, if you ask me. I guess I need to go tell my mom she threw her life away on an older guy... Step dad is 21 years older than my mom and they started dating when she was about 30/31. They've been together over 20 years and, by all accounts, theirs was a torrid romance and they are still very much in love these days. Don't project your own issues on someone else.
ascendotum Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 You have a hint of ageism don't you. If they are both happy then you shouldn't be trying to give her advice that wouldn't ruin a good thing. Who are we to judge their relationship if they are both happy? It sounds like she thinks older guys are incubeses. I'm surprised the OP got with this guy given her ambivalence on attraction and the earlier negative posts. Its an unconventional relationship...good on her. I agree with the others though on the children issue. Getting together with this guy to begin with didn't have to be seen as a forever after relationship. Like many here, it could just be a fun experience for however long both are happy for. Many big age imbalance relationships don't go the distance but that does not mean they are a bad thing.
mtber75 Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 Don't get involved with him. Just be friends with him that's all. Like what the other poster said, tell him that your very nice but I would want a family. Besides you'll probably end up talking care of him once he get more older and you don't want that?
Robman9911 Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Don't get involved with him. Just be friends with him that's all. Like what the other poster said, tell him that your very nice but I would want a family. Besides you'll probably end up talking care of him once he get more older and you don't want that? Try reading the thread the OP post is in November 2012, she updated to say the are still together and happy.
preraph Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Oh, I dunno. Having 3 stepkids might well cure you of your baby rabies.... Whether anyone wants to date someone with kids is strictly a personal decision. It wouldn't be for me if there was any childcare involved, and eventually there probably would be: grandchildren. You should take him seriously, though, when he says no more kids. If that's a dealbreaker for you, you shouldn't even date him and then both risk getting hurt.
Author iiiii Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 (edited) Ha, thanks everyone for your comments and concerns - my intention was just to give a bit of an update to the folks that commented on my original post ages ago. I didn't realize I would be so controversial! Needless to say we're pretty happy together so I have no intentions of leaving my guy at any point in the foreseeable future. To be frank, the only time the age gap worries us now is when anyone else makes an issue of it. We don't really notice it. Neither of us has any "issues" - at least, no more than anyone does. We just happen to be two shy people who have found someone who is a pretty perfect match in everything except age. It would be nice if he was 10 years younger, I guess, but I'm not going to dump him because he isn't. He'd probably prefer some things to be different about me too (although he's tactful enough not to tell me what they are!) His current kids aren't an issue - I actually quite enjoy them visiting us, and they're the perfect age so far as I'm concerned (mid teens, so enough of an age gap that I am technically old enough to be their mother, which is quite nice). And turns out that we're both willing to compromise on the other kids issue (he's not so opposed to having perhaps one more child as I originally thought - in fact he seems to like the idea the more he considers it, so long as we don't wait for years - whereas I don't know if I even want a child at all yet). So again, not a biggie at this point. Will I end up supporting him financially? I hope not - we're being careful financially to try to avoid that scenario - but a relationship is about supporting each other. I could get into an accident tomorrow and not be able to work myself. Life is unpredictable. Am I "throwing my life away"? It doesn't feel like it. In fact, he's about the most flexible and accepting person I've ever dated. Most of the guys I've dated before have tried to change me in some way or another. But his guy the one that keeps telling me not to compromise my dreams to be with him - if I really want to do something, we'll find a way to make it work. And I try to do the same for him. Will it last? I don't know. But there's enough good things about this to make it worth a punt. It's turned out well so far. Edited March 25, 2014 by iiiii 1
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