mesmerized Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 So I'm curious how dating is like for women in their thirties. The friends of mine who are in their early thirties and attractive seem to be doing great but not so much the average looking ones but they didn't do that good in their twenties either. So yeah, I appreciate some honest detailed responses from women above thirty. Ps: If you're one of the known woman haters on this forum, do not post in my thread. I don't really care what you have to say and I don't really want to have to chase You off again. 3
charlietheginger Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 Not so good im 35 Women my age have kids Women younger 27~30 still Play the mind games Seems to be most interested in Me are women 43~48 There kids r grown there looks Are running out and they want A,younger man..... So that leaves me with older women
zebracolors Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 Quick post before bed. Well I wonder if you could be more specific in what you mean by "dating in your 30s". Do you mean is it more or less difficult than say in the 20s? Is interaction different when you're 30+? From what you say of your friends, the average looking ones may have had self confidence issues. And its not too far of a leap from 20s to 30s so the behavior and factors causing it remain.
Author mesmerized Posted November 16, 2012 Author Posted November 16, 2012 Quick post before bed. Well I wonder if you could be more specific in what you mean by "dating in your 30s". Do you mean is it more or less difficult than say in the 20s? Is interaction different when you're 30+? From what you say of your friends, the average looking ones may have had self confidence issues. And its not too far of a leap from 20s to 30s so the behavior and factors causing it remain. Everything, opportunities, the quality of men in their age group. I guess Im interested to hear whatever they think is worth mentioning.
Alma Mobley Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 When I was 32 I decided to get another degree, so I moved to a new city and went back to school. It's funny you ask this because just the other day I was looking at an old journal from that time period, and I was honestly surprised at how many men were interested in me during that time. I was a very happy and secure person then as well with A LOT on my plate that gave me tons of opportunity to meet people. I attracted men from early twenties to mid-thirties mainly, but did not meet as many single men in their thirties as I did twenties. Some were quality, some not. This was a big change for me because I had spent my twenties in two serious long-term relationships. At the time I didn't know that women were hags after 30 (lol), so my age wasn't even on my mind. I thought I looked good! It was a great time in my life. Anyway, I ended up meeting my husband at 34 and we married when I was 36. (I am 40.) He is younger than I. 8
mortensorchid Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 Honestly, not much difference in terms of the volume of people. There seem to be times of peaks and valleys, in that I could go for a long time without the slightest bit of attention, then all of a sudden I could have three or four dinner dates in row (thanks to the Internet or other means). The men in question, however, have changed somewhat. SOme are coming out of their first marriages, some (but not all of them) have kids, and some are the same as they were in their twenties (more or less). But it's all relative, I guess. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 I'm 36, and the quality of men I've dated and had relationships with has only gotten better as I've gotten older. A factor in this is that I've actively improved my confidence, style, fitness, health, and other characteristics since my 20s. Now, I'm finally with a guy who is not only a good match for me in terms of values, goals, and personality, but is also on my level with career, ambition, initiative, smarts, and the like. A year or two before I met him, I really did sometimes think I would never be happy with a man and I was doomed to self-defeating loneliness. But I got through that, and am surprised and pleased by how well things are going. This feels like the healthiest relationship I've ever been in. If it can happen for me, it can definitely happen for y'all 7
iris219 Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 I suspect you don't want to hear my response. 1
DC4 Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 early 40s; not sure if this opinion is relevant to what you're asking. Right now my biggest issue is that a good many men I meet are in a way different stage in life than I am. My son is 20 so my parental duties are extremely low. I keep meeting men with kids that are still quite young. Many of them are in the final stages of divorce or very recently divorced. They have no idea what they want. Just sex? Someone to go out with and give them some emotional support? Date a lot of women or just one because it's easier? Tons of mixed messages. "Just got out of a 15 year marriage, want to be casual" but then they call and text me everyday and want to go on dates. Very nice men, all of them but yeah, none of them are at the point in life I am. Where are these guys??
Ruby Slippers Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 Very nice men, all of them but yeah, none of them are at the point in life I am. Where are these guys?? In my experience, a lot of men (and people in general) are not clear about what they want when it comes to dating and romantic relationships. The same people who have a laser focus on their career goals or other things can be very vague about what they want relationship-wise. The best thing you can do is be very clear about what YOU want, and accept nothing less. I was wishy-washy myself when I first met my boyfriend. I was still a little cynical, and lonely, as was he, so we had sex right away. I immediately realized I would never be OK with just sex with him, and told him so. I said I wanted to date him and find out if there was potential for more. He agreed, so off we went. Five months later, he now tells me he doesn't like spending nights apart, feels life is more enjoyable when we're together, and wants to have a talk with me this weekend to figure out a plan for how we can spend more time together. So go for what you want! If you're determined, you will get it 2
lovebug1234 Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 I'm getting close to 30, I notice that men dont' really ask about age, unless it's posted on a dating website. Usually when I meet men much will depend on how well we get along. 3
olivec Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 In my experience, a lot of men (and people in general) are not clear about what they want when it comes to dating and romantic relationships. The same people who have a laser focus on their career goals or other things can be very vague about what they want relationship-wise. The best thing you can do is be very clear about what YOU want, and accept nothing less. I was wishy-washy myself when I first met my boyfriend. I was still a little cynical, and lonely, as was he, so we had sex right away. I immediately realized I would never be OK with just sex with him, and told him so. I said I wanted to date him and find out if there was potential for more. He agreed, so off we went. Five months later, he now tells me he doesn't like spending nights apart, feels life is more enjoyable when we're together, and wants to have a talk with me this weekend to figure out a plan for how we can spend more time together. So go for what you want! If you're determined, you will get it See i'm a guy who actually wants a relationship and eventually marriage. I know the op said women to express their points of view but i have to say dating in my 30's has been the most frustrating experience. i've had two long term relationships in my 30's. one was almost 2 years and the last being almost a year. I dont know why its soo difficult to meet a quality person but for me it is and its soo much more dissappointing when things don't work out. My 20's i always felt like i had tons of time to meet someone and was convince by my 30's i be married and have kids. I find to that nobody wants to trust anymore men and women and the explosion of online dating has alot to do with it because if you dont like one person you just click on another "profile". Hopefully well all meet that "right" person and our frustrations will turn into happiness. 4
Janesays Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 I think it depends on whether or not you have children from a previous relationship. Some of my friends, while good looking, didn't do so well once the guy found out she had 3 little ones at home. However, I started dating again at 32 and I didn't have any kids and I used to say being thrown in the dating pool was like being a bleeding fish in a sea full of hungry sharks. I had never been so sought after and desired. And I'm including the time in my early 20's where I was super thin, in college and surrounded by eligible men. I've done much better in my 30's in comparison. 4
FitChick Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 My dating life didn't pick up until after 40, mainly because I had done a lot of inner and outer work on myself and was more relaxed around men and more focused on what I wanted. In my twenties I was rather passive and went out with whomever asked and tried to talk myself into liking them. Then I would become totally obsessed and miserable. My problem now is that men my age or older are generally not in great health due to their crappy lifestyles. Those same lifestyles adversely affect their appearance as well. I sometimes wonder why I spend time and money to look good with no one to appreciate it. I agree that if you have kids, that is an obstacle to meeting someone. 2
plainjane79 Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 I'm 31 so I'm still at the beginning of the whole "dating at 30" process. Honestly, I have only recently begun "prioritizing" dating and finding a long-term partner. I was in school (college and law school) until 27 and then trying to get my foot in the door in my career until about last year, so all the dating I was doing during that time was sort of by the way; I was technically looking for a life-partner (I've always known I wanted to be married eventually) but though I didn't know it at the time, I just didn't have the head space to be a decent long-term partner to anyone during that time (though I did have three long-term, serious relationships that eventually broke down.) I broke up with my first boyfriend because he wanted to settle down (we were about 20 at the time) and I knew that would entail a lot of compromise on my personal and professional goals that I wasn't ready to do at that point. I even remember telling the poor guy as I broke up with him "I'll regret this when I'm 30!" Ha, young adults say the darndest things... My other two long-term relationships in my 20's broke down due to neglect, though I didn't see it at the time. Dating in my 30's so far has been much more productive because all of my other life goal boxes are ticked and I can focus on improving the parts of myself that will make me an awesome partner, as well as on finding the guy that's right for me rather than grabbing whomever's in reach willy nilly. I find dating at any age is less about having more or less options (there are always decent options if you're willing to look) but about how well you know yourself, what you're looking for, and how ready you are to become a partner to someone. 2
iris219 Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 (edited) My dating life didn't pick up until after 40 This is what I hear. Fingers crossed! By their 30s, people pair up. There are simply less options. I find it really frustrating that I have so more to offer now, but no one to share it with. I used to just be pretty; now I have so much more on top of that, but way fewer dating options than I ever thought was possible. And my options are always low quality men (drug addicts, commitment phobes, etc). I have accomplished so much: education, career, becoming a happier, more confident person and now I feel destined to be alone. Edited November 16, 2012 by iris219
DC4 Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 My problem now is that men my age or older are generally not in great health due to their crappy lifestyles. Those same lifestyles adversely affect their appearance as well. I sometimes wonder why I spend time and money to look good with no one to appreciate it. Word. New guy is running a 5k with me next week so that was a pretty good score. 1
FitChick Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 New guy is running a 5k with me next week so that was a pretty good score. So you're dating General Petraeus? 2
EasyHeart Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 So you're dating General Petraeus? Who isn't?!? 5
Left-out Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 Not so good for me. I spent my 20's with the same person so this whole dating thing is kinda new to me. I thought by the time I was in my 30's I would be married and have kids but I guess not. Hopefully things will get better. I sometimes feel I will be alone forever. :/ 2
threebyfate Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 No problems. Started dating while the ex-H and I were separated, so it took a couple of years of dating before finding my husband. Had one short-term relationship and dated around 8 or 9 guys usually for a month or so, can't even remember anymore since it feels like a lifetime ago. Didn't bother with online dating since I don't trust strangers unless someone I trust can vouch for them or there's information available, as to their character. But I did turn down more dates than accepted, for real life dating. Compared to twenties, not a lot different beyond my level of pickiness, even though I was always very picky. This increased astronomically post infidelity in my first marriage, where I lost some of my naivety. 2
Mrlonelyone Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 What people say about how everyone pairs off, for keeps, in their 30's is true. That is true even among LGBT people. It starts in the late 20's and goes on until death. The difference is that, now a days the early 20's are a sort of extended adolescence. No one expects people to get married in their early 20's and stay married. By your 30's people expect you to get married, permanently partnered. Basically if you are in a relationship for more than a year or two you are married, at least by common law standards. That is the way it is. 1
iris219 Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 No problems. Started dating while the ex-H and I were separated, so it took a couple of years of dating before finding my husband. Had one short-term relationship and dated around 8 or 9 guys usually for a month or so, can't even remember anymore since it feels like a lifetime ago. Didn't bother with online dating since I don't trust strangers unless someone I trust can vouch for them or there's information available, as to their character. But I did turn down more dates than accepted, for real life dating. Compared to twenties, not a lot different beyond my level of pickiness, even though I was always very picky. This increased astronomically post infidelity in my first marriage, where I lost some of my naivety. Aside from your husband (I know you guys have a meet cute story), where did you meet single men? 1
threebyfate Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 Aside from your husband (I know you guys have a meet cute story), where did you meet single men?Friends, friends of friends, neighbors and work. 1
GirlontheLam Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 I find I need to put in a lot more effort to meeting new people. I have never really worked in a big company, and now I work from home. So work isn't a plethora of socialization opportunities for me. My biggest problem is a little different. I look young for my age, (it may or may not be readily apparent in pics). I am 34, and most people place my age at around 24-26. So basically I get approached by a lot of young men! And they are too young half of the time. And people my age think I am younger! So I end up meeting a lot of 25-26 year olds.
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