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Does ex crying about how I hurt her 5 months after BU mean she still has feelings?

Jono85

By Jono85
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Jono85 Established Member

Jono85

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I broke NC in October. We hadn't had ANY contact for 3 months (July), when I basically initiated NC. BUt i sort of did it prematurely. Basically she was on a month long trip to Europe, and was supposed to sort out whether she wanted to try things again or not when she got back. Well I asked her to come to my friends cottage during her trip, the first weekend she got back, and she told me she'd be tired and want to stay home (we're semi long distance btw). Stupidly I got emo and told her not to bother with me anymore and told her to take care etc. Well she didn't bother me, didn't even respond. Until I broke NC in October...

 

I emailed her apologizing for the way I left things and said how I didn't like how i was getting (emo) and needed space. I asked how she was, made a few light comments/jokes, and also asked if she was seeing/dating anyone. She got back to me a few days later, was fairly brief, but had smileys etc. Said she wasn't seeing anyone, didn't have time with her new job. I took this as an opp to ask if she wanted to chill, have drinks. To my surprise she said she thought it was too soon (3 months is too soon? :confused:) and didn't know if it was a good idea, esp with drinks. She said she didn't want old drama to come up (the last/only time we hung out post breakup was 3 weeks post BU and we had a lovely weekend/sex/coupley stuff, until the end when i saw things on her phone and left her crying, giving me excuses/reasons...we were broken up i guess as well..).

 

Anyway, so i get emo (again, i know...lesson LEARNED) and text her saying i guess it isn't a good idea if she's not excited to see me, and how i'm not surprised since i felt like i don't exist to her anymore, and that she shouldn't make the next guy feel so special until she's "sure about him". she replied "don't talk to me anymore" lol. so i call her up. she actually picks up. she's quite blunt and tells me to move on and how we'll never be anyuthing again.

 

But here's what confuses me. she breaks down crying when she starts to go into detail as to how terrible I was to her (btw i never cheated/lied/abused her...but i guess took me a long while to confess my love for her, and broke up with her a couple times last yr b/c i felt guilty for not being in love yet). She said how up and down i am and that she couldn't trust me b/c of that. I also broke down crying as I love this girl so much and hearing her in pain, caused from me, really hurt.

 

 

Anyway we ended the call and said goodbye evetually. I got closure I really needed. BUT it confuses me. Does she still have feelings?? Or could she be totally over me, and yet still break down crying when telling me the pain I caused her?? I ask b/c I've apologized profusely for everything, and she knows i love her/care for her more than the world, and that i regret not making her feel so special during the first 7-8 months of our relationship. But I finally did confess my love, and since then I've never stopped wanting her. BUt I feel like her love died. But why is she still so emotional about it after 3 months of STRICT NC. A part of me wants to go give her one of thsoe movie moments...at her door (she lives an hour away), but I tried texting her last weekend asking her how her new job/dentist is (she's a dental assistant) and she literally ignored me. she's never ignored me in the past. it really hurt. but i resisted msging her and plan on keeping NC now.

 

thoughts?

Edited by Jono85
CptSaveAho Established Member

CptSaveAho

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Posted

Do you not see your actions.... HOLY CRAP.... You were a total douche to her... she told you you were a douche to her... you cant even see how you emotionally tortured manipulated and murdered her and now you are asking if she still has feelings?

 

Come on...

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Jono85 Established Member

Jono85

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Do you not see your actions.... HOLY CRAP.... You were a total douche to her... she told you you were a douche to her... you cant even see how you emotionally tortured manipulated and murdered her and now you are asking if she still has feelings?

 

Come on...

 

 

no, i see that. BUT all this happened last year. i'm not saying that makes it right, but i did finally confess to her how much i love her. I ALWAYS cared for her deeply, don't get it confused. when i broke up with her twice it was BECAUSE i cared for her so deeply, and we were fighting a lot, b/c she was so insecure about me not being in love with her yet. it was a lot of pressure. and she just pushed me away by being so moody. both times she pleaded that we keep trying, b/c i told her there was no one else. my intention wasn't to torture her like that (breakup, get back, breakup, get back) but i cared for her so damn much and she kept saying well lets keep trying, "don't worry about my feelings". and so i did...and i eventually fell for her. but it was too late. she'd begun to flirt with another guy on facebook, and i caught her. she lost my trust. she said how i drove her to get to that point and she was questioning us, but as soon as she saw me she was back in love, and she really regretted it/was sorry. we tried again, but it just didn't work out. now i was the needy/insecure one starting fights. she broke up with me.

 

i'm not saying it's her fault. obv i messed up early on by not treating her like my princess and the special girl she is. BUT i'm sorry, it just took me a long time. we were long distance so the timeline didn't follow a reg relationship. plus like i said she was starting fights b/c of her insecurities, and it took me a while.

 

but yes that is what i'm asking. sue me. i still love her/care for her immensely. but i realize i can't push it anymore. just wonder if she still has feelings and if there's a shot..

CptSaveAho Established Member

CptSaveAho

Posted
Posted (edited)

she told you

to move on and how we'll never be anyuthing again
what i am wondering is why there is an essay discussion and rationalizing about it... said it clear as day... stop trying to manipulate the situation and her...

 

actually try using NC as it is intended to, to move forward from a breakup and not as a weapon like you currently are using it as

 

(side note: you look real manly crying on the phone to a girl that doesnt want to be in a relationship with you, that won you -87 points in the reconciliation department)

Edited by CptSaveAho
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itsmyfault Established Member

itsmyfault

Posted
Posted

Never cry down the phone to anyone let alone a Girl.

 

I'm 100% sure if I was to cry about my situation it would help me work through it quicker....

but I haven't cried since I was like 12 years old, So I do not plan on crying again.

 

It may suck Donkey D**K and hurt like hell, But never CRY :)

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Jono85 Established Member

Jono85

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she told you

what i am wondering is why there is an essay discussion and rationalizing about it... said it clear as day... stop trying to manipulate the situation and her...

 

actually try using NC as it is intended to, to move forward from a breakup and not as a weapon like you currently are using it as

 

(side note: you look real manly crying on the phone to a girl that doesnt want to be in a relationship with you, that won you -87 points in the reconciliation department)

 

lmfao! i only broke down when SHE started to break down. before that she told me we'd never be anything again and i was chill. but hearing her pain and crying over things that i'd done to hurt her, got me. highly doubt that really made a difference..

 

and yeah she did say that. but she was obviously also emotional when she said it. she was friendly and talking to me before that until i guilted her. she was considering a meet up when she had time off work. so who knows.

 

anyway i'm obv NC now to heal. i did try and ask her about her life last weekend but she ignored me. so SHE's NC right now. and obv like i said i won't initiate contact ever again. but i'm still naturally curious if she really is over me if she's breaking now crying like that when we haven't spoken in 3+ months. yes i hope she contacts me at some point...as much as i want to move on and will try, it doesn't stop that hope. sorry if u can't comprehend that..

Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

Posted
Posted

Does she have feelings for you? Well, if those feeling results in her crying and sobbing telling you that you're a horrible person...then yeah. I'd say she has feelings for you. Just not good ones.

 

You got your closure. Time to move on, dude. So she can get on with her life and you with yours.

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Jono85 Established Member

Jono85

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No offence, but this sounds like an extremely toxic, drama-laiden mess. I don't know the ages of either of you, but I don't think I've seen anything like this in adults (over the age of 20) in a very long time. If you are, in fact, older than that it might be a good idea to seek counseling as this sort of game playing isn't terribly healthy, or normal.

 

Why would you think someone you broke up with repeatedly would want you back or trust you now? Is there some element of drama that drags you both back? Is there some other bit of the equation that's missing here (perhaps a mental illness or disorder of some sort?) that is undermining the relationship? :confused:

 

ok may i please ask what game playing you're referring to?? have u heard of NC?? well yes, i initiated it once b/c i was too hurt to wait around and well, i broke it after 3 months. sorry, i'm human..

 

i'm 27. i'm not denying i need counselling, i'm sure many of us do, but what was so insane about what i've done? the breakups were LAST year, ie. 2011. They were in the first 5 or 6 months of us dating. And we were long distance at that, so we'd see eachother only every couple weekends. it took me longer to realize i loved her. i guess that makes me a horrible person..

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Jono85 Established Member

Jono85

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Does she have feelings for you? Well, if those feeling results in her crying and sobbing telling you that you're a horrible person...then yeah. I'd say she has feelings for you. Just not good ones.

 

You got your closure. Time to move on, dude. So she can get on with her life and you with yours.

 

Yeah well I got closure, but the reasons for the closure (ie. i'm so up and down, and she can't trust me) are just BS. Most of this year i've wanted her and fought for her after she was done with it, repeatedly. I haven't actually made the trek to go see her (she lived 2 hours away, an hour away now) b/c I never got the vibe that she would welcome that. Just wish she would have said something more along the lines of "I lost me feelings for you. I get that you're sorry now, but it's too late." instead of "You're so up and down, I can't trust you".

 

Oh well, I'm not gonna break NC like i said, unless she does. There's a big part of me that wants to drive to see her, b/c everytime we'd see eachother/spend the weekend and she may have been distant before, everything would come right back. But i guess a bigger part of me thinks i just need to let her go and give her the space that she wants.

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