Spinzel Posted August 5, 2004 Posted August 5, 2004 Hi, I'm fairly new here. I'll try to keep this brief. I'm dating a wonderful man who is completely faithful to me, doesn't have any bad habits, and is very compassionate. His only problem is that he takes too much onto himself, and then pushes me away. For example, he's had a lot of problems at work lately, to the point where he's wanting to call in sick just to avoid it. For the past week he hasn't been very happy, and when I was questioning him about our relationship last night, he started to pull away and tell me he didn't know what he wanted, that he needed time to think, that he loved me but that his job was driving him nuts. I've read that when men are distressed they go into their "caves" to think. He didn't break up with me, but it sounds as though he might! I don't get it. We're normally very happy together, and now I'm scared of losing him. It seems like the more I question him, the more he pulls away and becomes unsure of us, so I'm trying not to do that, but if I don't question him, then I worry. Why would someone who is normally so happy need time to think about things, including me?? I know he isn't dating or wanting to date anyone else. I'm trying to leave him alone but it's so hard. We're both in our mid-20's. Please give me advice!
Dork Posted August 6, 2004 Posted August 6, 2004 Doesn't seem like a problem at all. He's busy at his job currently, it seems like he really loves you, and because you brought up the relationship question (the question that us guys HATE because it can mean a whole bunch of things) - he's probably fearful of the relationship status with him. Nothing wrong seems to be going on, don't worry.
Author Spinzel Posted August 6, 2004 Author Posted August 6, 2004 Unfortunately, I think something IS wrong. I called him last night, and was questioning him even more, and now he doesn't know if what he feels for me is love!! He KNEW he loved me for two months, so what the hell is going on?? The only positive thing he said was that he didn't want to give up on us, but he also said he didn't know what he wanted, that he's had a migraine and a week from hell at work, and that he was super exhausted. I wish I could believe it's just his life that is bothering him, and that when it calms down he'll realize he still loves me, but I'm still really nervous. How can a man go from knowing he loves someone to not knowing how he feels about her? I'm so totally heartbroken.
dassme Posted August 6, 2004 Posted August 6, 2004 I'm really sorry that you are going through this. I know how it feels cause I've been there too! When my ex and I started dating, everything was beautiful! No fights, phone hang ups so on and so forth. Then she started her new job. She became really really busy and our time together barely existed. Eventually I felt that she was being distant with me so I asked her if anything was up. She said nothing was going on but rather her job was becoming really stressful. Workload and collegues combined were getting to her. She asked me to be patient which I did but of course nothing changed. Months passed and still nothing changed. It was like I was carrying this realationship on my shoulders and she was just going through the motions. This lasted for five months. Now we were fighting all the time over stupid things. She would get aggrevated more easily over the littlest things. Then one night I just couldn't take it anymore so I asked her bluntly what she wanted! She told me she didn't know anymore and that her feelings for me diminished over the last couple of months! I was like , "I knew it!" She said she can't really give me an answer to her change but said she still cares for me. That night we broke up and from then on I haven't spoken to her since. It has now been a month since our break up and I miss her so much. I'm still wondering what happened to "US!" But I really can't do much about that! I hope one day she sees what she has lost cause I've tried my hardest to keep our realationship afloat but nontheless my ship sank! Be strong Spinzel! Everything will turn out for the best! Trust me! It will!!
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