Tyler3499 Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 Hello, thanks for reading. Im not asking for any type of grief or help, i just happened to need a place to release some of my feelings to help myself out, some of you probably have gone through this, but for me its a first. I have been with my girlfriend for 2 years now and i cannot lie, it has been such a wonderful experience. Mind you i am 20 years old, and to most people my age, this would be considered a 'Serious' Relationship. But tonight, we have taken a break so i can realize what is important to me and how i can fix my promise breaking. About a year ago, i was a on-off pornography watcher, because i had not had something so serious in my life. I was living a underpaid, average life you'd expect a out of highschool student to live. I met her through a website called meetme, and we had chatted along time for a month period. And we finally decided to meet in person to see how things really clicked. And obviously it did very well, i did not watch much of those videos anymore within the first few months and had almost broke the habit because of this girl, because personally im not the greatest looking person in the world, and me compaired to her, she was a perfect 10! And one day this past year i had checked out some videos online on my phone and she happened to 'snoop' through my stuff, and i got what i deserved. We didn't break up, but i was asked a simple simple promise 'Please for us, do not watch this stuff because i want to be the only person you want' And i did. Throughout the two years we have been together, i had went from being my true self, the happy, sarcastic, funny loving person because i had this amazing girl. We had the picture perfect relationship, and as time passed i really lost myself, from finding jobs, to paying the bills. Getting into the real world with a great job. And we started spending alot of time together, because as soon as she got out of highschool she spent most of her time at my house. And we increasingly fought because i didnt really have time for just myself, between her, work, and lifes curveballs i honestly was becoming stressed and did not want to give her the attention and affection she needed. All i wanted to do is relax and find time for myself. (I understand fully i had neglected her and everything we had) Video games were a major consumption of my free time, but dont get me wrong i still found time for her as much as possible. And im not this selfless 'all about me' person, and with the money i had got from paychecks i would make sure 60% of it would go to her and things we could do for fun. Im a sweetheart to her, and i provide everything i can for her and she appreciates it. She isnt a girl who is all about money and things, she told me she likes the smaller things more than big expensive things. And whether she liked it or not i still would get her those big things. I think personally i replaced that with the lost time and effort i put into my relationship, to even it out you know? But regardless i pushed her away because i didnt spend time with her and doing the things she liked, completely neglecting her in ways i cant believe i could do to another person. I felt that because we had been together for 2 years that we have spent alot of time doing things like loving, cuddling and spending time with eachother, but i guess nobody handed me a life book and said 'hey. This is what goes on, and you have to keep doing it to have a great friendship and relationship with this person' She has told me countless times that she wants to spend more time, just us, together. And its gone through one ear and out the other i guess. So, back to the mainpoint. Today she was home alone and had used my computer for music, and honestly god strike me down now, i had not watched any X rated vids online since she had asked me that day a year ago. But she happened to see that i had watched one video and thus a 'break' has occured. Now for my defence, about a month ago her near-n-dear grandfather had passed away and she slipped into a quick depression. She had to take over her grandfathers job as the man who picked up and took her younger brother to and from school, and her grandma to the store and back for years. with this burden the last month she has seen me 3 times since the end of october. I had watched the video because lets face it im a guy and i needed my 'sex' life and nobody else had been there. And my explanation to her was as simple as that. I officially sound like a total *******. And i feel it right now. But ive got a good heart and head on my shoulders and i honestly want to start literally fresh with her, back to when i felt that happiness, loving personality because before any of this x rated video stuff, things werent going so smooth on our relationship path due to fighting, spending less or alot of time together and our lack of 'intrest' in eachother. I do love her with all my heart, i dont want to be told im young, but she was my future, and now that i have reached this warning checkpoint i need to do right. -feel free to give some advice on how i can become this wonderful person i used to be- Because i know what i have to do to fix things, but i dont know how i should approach my first task. And thats getting her to gain that lost trust in me Im stupidly in love with this girl and im willing to fix everything ive done wrongly, even though i know most of you reading this are thinking i dont deserve it. But i think after two years i should have one chance to make things right. Basically without her, my world has completely turned upside down and this was a wakeupcall.
puzzled1 Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 So you are watching porn and she doesn't want you to? Hmmmm, sorry, cant help there.
Author Tyler3499 Posted November 16, 2012 Author Posted November 16, 2012 So you are watching porn and she doesn't want you to? Hmmmm, sorry, cant help there. I havent been since a little over a year and a half ago, but it just so happens the one time i do, it turns into something worse
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