aboli Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 I need counsel on an issue that has been disturbing me lately. Before now I was in a relationship with a guy that went to UK for masters while I came to Canada for my masters too. After about 9months we had communication issue where he went out of contact with me and came back after 3months saying he was not settled, since no job after his masters. Since then the relationship has been waning. I brought up the issue of meeting my parents but he does not want to hear any thing about it. All along there is a lot of pressure from family and friends to bring home a guy, i met an old schoolmate (based in nigeria) online on facebook who proposed and was ready to meet my parents and family. I did not know him back in school but I know some of his friends. This guy works with a multinational company and was based in Nigeria. From the onset, he suggested that I come back home(nigeria) after my masters and get married to him, which I agreed to. Along the line, I got admission for PhD and then I told him that I want to start PhD. He did not oppose it but suggested again that i shld start the phd and then take a year leave so that I can come for the wedding and spend some time with him. At this point it was difficult for me but i still agreed in order to keep peace. Later I made it known to him that i cannot leave my phd for such a long time. I tried to convice him to come over with me to Canada so that we can be together. He was very reluctant as he does not want to leave his seemingly good job in Nigeria to come and start all over again. The plan was for me to go home and if possible do introduction. when I got home and we discussed again, i told him i cannot come and stay in nigeria for such a long time. He started acting cold. he stopped talking about the introduction plan. About few days for me to return back to canada, I told him I was not happy that i will be going back to canada with my finger still empty. then he made a rushed arrangement for his family to visit my family.he did not give me a ring Although he agreed to relocate to canada with me, I still do not feel confident about his decision, I'm afraid he may not enjoy it here and having to leave his Job which he said was "not convenient for him" and start all over again. We are suposed to get married next year, but now I`m feeling a lot of doubt, as the days roll by. I have been praying alot about the issue but i`m still worried. I will be very happy to hear you candid opinion and advice.
2sure Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 I am US and have no experience at all with the type of arrangement prior to marriage you refer to. But I can see that you are an ambitious and good woman who knows what she wants and how to get it. It sounds like you want to stay and get your Phd without having to worry about a husband , whom you hardly know, getting a job and being entertained. That seems reasonable in any culture.
Author aboli Posted November 16, 2012 Author Posted November 16, 2012 thanks for ur response. I really want to have my phd. I want to start a family too but it seems i'm trying too hard. At least that's how i feel.
allenpo123 Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 As long as you stick to want you want, I think you'll be just fine.
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