SJC2008 Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 Long story short for our 3rd date she invited me to meet up with a her at a bar with some friends. I think it's too soo, too much pressure. I mean we don't even know eachother really so I think it would be weird. Shouldn't people date for a month or two before meeting others friends?? Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 What's the pressure about? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 I can see how it's awkward. You are just getting to know her, now you are gonna be around 10 other people you have to make convo with/impress cause you know they'll all run to her the next day with their opinions and she will ASK what they thought. So you have to impress them all. It also kinda puts you into "insta-couple", at least for the night. I'd maybe stop by for an hour or whatever at the end of the night, or just suggest a different date for a different night. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SJC2008 Posted November 16, 2012 Author Share Posted November 16, 2012 I barely know her now I'm supposed to hang out with her friends?? Pressure may not have been the right word but she even said they're older so there's no pressure. I just think it's too soon. TBS I guess it's a good sign that she's putting in an effort:) Link to post Share on other sites
dasein Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 The stock advice is to avoid group dates until there is an exclusive relationship gelling, but if you have good social skills, and it isn't a whole bunch of friends, don't see too much harm. It's a good sign that she wants to include you. Would make it a shorter date, don't hang around all night drinking with them or somesuch, and then back to your dating plan after. It could turn out really well for you and you could meet some interesting people and learn important things about her. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 I wouldn't mind if someone introduced me to their friends on a 3rd date. Unfortunately I am far more flexible than the average person, and sometimes it gets me in trouble. Someone once introduced me to their friends and family members on our second date, I said ok and I was fine with it. Then once I brought my new bf to a party and the girls who threw the party hated me for it and I stopped speaking to them. Then once I brought a bf (who turned out to be absolutely crazy) to meet 3 friends of mine for dinner, and he ran away the next day. Ah well. Depends on the person and the situation. If it were me I'd say go for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SJC2008 Posted November 16, 2012 Author Share Posted November 16, 2012 I have anxiety and I get super nervous on dates, it's hard enough to hide it as it is . Even when I'm not on dates it takes me a few minutes to settle in, after a few beers I'm a lot better. I don't think it's visible to the named eye but I'm worried I'll be so nervous I'll be a stumbling idioit. Link to post Share on other sites
CptSaveAho Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 I cant recall a single 3rd date Ive ever been on where I was brought out with my date's friends. This sounds to me like friendzoning. Usually 3rd dates are the come back to my place and lets have sex after a night out date Link to post Share on other sites
dasein Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 Have you tried doing a few short sprints or running up and down some stairs to take the edge off before meeting new people? Maybe an option. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SJC2008 Posted November 16, 2012 Author Share Posted November 16, 2012 I'm more worried about the interactions with her. Like if we have nothing to talk about. That would be so embarrasing in front if other people! We have decent convo flow but there are still lulls in person and on the phone (I don't want to blow it out of proportion, it's good for the most part).. I don't think our flow is good enough for a group setting. OTOH mabye it'll have the opposite effect?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SJC2008 Posted November 16, 2012 Author Share Posted November 16, 2012 The stock advice is to avoid group dates until there is an exclusive relationship gelling, but if you have good social skills, and it isn't a whole bunch of friends, don't see too much harm. It's a good sign that she wants to include you. Would make it a shorter date, don't hang around all night drinking with them or somesuch, and then back to your dating plan after. It could turn out really well for you and you could meet some interesting people and learn important things about her. If I don't want to go should I tell her I don't want to meet friends until were more serious? Don't want to offend her or give the wrong impression. Link to post Share on other sites
dasein Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 Well if she herself has good social skills, and this will be a good time to find out, she will go out of her way to make it easy for you to talk to these people and create commonalities that can help you make small talk. If she simply introduces you and then leaves you with nothing to work with, you can start with very mundane things like, "what are you drinking?" "what's good here?" or my personal favorite "I have 6 people buried in my basement, how bout you?" (takes very precise timing and poise to pull off the "outrageous tongue in cheek statement out of the blue," so save that for a bit later in the evening if you are nervous). Having one of the friends fall out of their chair laughing is very powerful icebreaking with the whole group. Focus on making at least a little pleasantry with each of the people there if you can, before worrying about talking to her too much. You can use this as a screen too. I remember an early date I had where some of the woman's friends were there and she introduced me to them strictly in terms of their wealth and status. "Suzy has 1000 acres in Virginia," "Bill owns five yachts," "Steve owns the largest bank in Texas." That kind of thing over and over. I kid you not. We didn't last. Link to post Share on other sites
CptSaveAho Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 If I don't want to go should I tell her I don't want to meet friends until were more serious? Don't want to offend her or give the wrong impression. Ugh.. stop caring what she thinks or offending her... its the 3rd date Tell her you dont want to date her friends, you want to date her Why is this so hard to actually do.... everyone is typing rationalizations on how to skirt around the issue, just man up and say what you want Link to post Share on other sites
dasein Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 If I don't want to go should I tell her I don't want to meet friends until were more serious? Don't want to offend her or give the wrong impression. I'd try to go if you can stand to, you can always cut short, hour or so be friendly with everyone, then out. Would not give the reason as "don't want to meet friends until we are more serious" as this could make her feel bad or presumptuous. If you decide you just can't do it, come up with something marginally honest but not 100% the actual reason. Link to post Share on other sites
CptSaveAho Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 I'd try to go if you can stand to, you can always cut short, hour or so be friendly with everyone, then out. Would not give the reason as "don't want to meet friends until we are more serious" as this could make her feel bad or presumptuous. If you decide you just can't do it, come up with something marginally honest but not 100% the actual reason. This is a bitch test, if he meets her and her friends, he fails. Link to post Share on other sites
dasein Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 I disagree about the bitch test generally. If he goes and it ends up being all male friends, then yeah, agree. Link to post Share on other sites
CptSaveAho Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 It is a bitch test... its to see if he has the balls to stand up for himself. No rational MAN would meet a girls friends on the 3rd date... its bull****, OP even knows this. He doesnt even want to do it. If he does it, she crashed through his boundary and he fails. Its not rocket science to see this Link to post Share on other sites
Author SJC2008 Posted November 16, 2012 Author Share Posted November 16, 2012 I cant recall a single 3rd date Ive ever been on where I was brought out with my date's friends. This sounds to me like friendzoning. Usually 3rd dates are the come back to my place and lets have sex after a night out date Well not everyone has sex on the 3rd date. If she's FZ'd me I'll find out soon enough. I'm interested so I'd be disappointed if this was the case but it's nothing I can't handle. I'm pretty sure she's interested for the most part but there are a few eyebrow raisers. Link to post Share on other sites
dasein Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 No rational MAN would meet a girls friends on the 3rd date... its bull****, OP even knows this. He doesnt even want to do it. If he does it, she crashed through his boundary and he fails. Disagree, and have had good sex after an early date friend meet several times. It may be just part of her slut shield. I'm all for early data gathering, saves me time, and meeting friends early can do lots for that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SJC2008 Posted November 16, 2012 Author Share Posted November 16, 2012 It is a bitch test... its to see if he has the balls to stand up for himself. No rational MAN would meet a girls friends on the 3rd date... its bull****, OP even knows this. He doesnt even want to do it. If he does it, she crashed through his boundary and he fails. Its not rocket science to see this Don't know if it's a bitch test but why should you meet someones friends 3 dates in?? We're not a couple and don't know at this point if we'll be one. TBS she's going out of town the following day so we already said we wanted to see eachother before doing so. So that's some pretty good logic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SJC2008 Posted November 16, 2012 Author Share Posted November 16, 2012 I don't think I'm going to go. Regardless if it's a genuine invite or a bitch test it's a catch 22. If I don't go she gets offended if I do and fail her test it makes me look week. The bottom line is we only went in 2 dates and we don't really know eachother. I'll make other plans and if she prys I'll tell her I'm not meeting friends this early on. If she can't respect that then she's immature. Link to post Share on other sites
DC4 Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 Have you tried doing a few short sprints or running up and down some stairs to take the edge off before meeting new people? Maybe an option. For some reason I find this fairly amusing. "sorry I am a little out of breath, I was running up and down stairs" Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 Haha, unfortunately I am that girl. I invite guys I am casually dating out with friends all the time. Mostly, they turn me down by saying "I am busy" on that particular night. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 My last BF I invited to a baseball game for our 3rd date, and I gave him the option of sitting with my sister and her hubby/kids or us getting separate tickets. He took the latter and just said "let's keep it just you and me for now" and it was fine. You can decline with something like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SJC2008 Posted November 16, 2012 Author Share Posted November 16, 2012 Well, this thread once again proves to me that LoveShack is truly The Island of Misfit Toys. I can't believe the amount of stupidity, paranoia, wrong assumptions, and just downright nasty bitterness displayed in one little 2 page thread. Now I GET why the marjority of you are single. Jesus, a simple little invitation to join some friends for a couple drinks is generally NOTHING MORE than a sign that she thinks enough of you to have you join her world for a small amount of time. You should be flattered by it. It's not a "bitch test" which is just an ignorant and bitter assumption and sounds ridiculous to normal people. It's the same sh*t, different flies - all spewed by Loveshack's Bitter Brigade of single, dateless men. Lastly, if you all weren't so damned bitter, you'd see how downright ludicrous your advice is. You all think it's perfectly fine to bang someone on the 3rd date but GOLLY GOSH, what a terribly INTRUSIVE request - to meet a few of her friends for a couple of beers! I really wish you could all see how utterly ridiculous and bitter you sound to normal, emotionally healthy people. Good Christ. Don't know if this is directed at me or or the guy who said it's a bitch test so please clarify but my reasons are legit. I get nervous enough on dates as it is and don't think I'll be comfortable this soon with friends. Also I did point out that it's a good sign that she's putting in an effort. When you had SA so bad to where you walked past a classroom on the first day because you were late and everyone was already in there, then come talk to me. Doesn't meran I'm not normal Link to post Share on other sites
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