Rekerdz Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 i've been with my gf for 3 years until i decided i don't want to be in a relationship anymore i broke her heart nd really hurt her but then 3 months after the break up i realize i made a big mistake so i decided to try and work things out but she tells me she wants to be alone have some space and have some time for herself without any relationship issues but she tells me she still loves me and doesn't want to lose me so right now i don't know what to do and it's hard for me to just sit around and be ok with her going out and having fun when im not included in her life so anyone has any ideas on what i should do?
flitzanu Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 i've been with my gf for 3 years until i decided i don't want to be in a relationship anymore i broke her heart nd really hurt her but then 3 months after the break up i realize i made a big mistake so i decided to try and work things out but she tells me she wants to be alone have some space and have some time for herself without any relationship issues but she tells me she still loves me and doesn't want to lose me so right now i don't know what to do and it's hard for me to just sit around and be ok with her going out and having fun when im not included in her life so anyone has any ideas on what i should do? you kind of need to suck it up and deal with her going out. you dumped her 3 months ago because you wanted to be single, so you don't have any right to be upset with her wanting to be single right now. but, when someone is saying they want "space" it means that they are likely interested in someone else, and now she's going to keep you on the backburner.
KNJ Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 I got broken up with 2 weeks ago. My bf and I had been together for 4 years! I am HEARTBROKEN, lying in bed now and can't picture my life without him. It's SO hard to move on, but I know I HAVE TO sooner rather than later, as unlike your gf, he won't be coming back. Why did you break up with her?? I can understand where she is coming from and the heartache you must have caused her. It is not easy to step back into it and fully trust someone who have played with your heart like that. You need to make sure you are doing the right thing here and not just playing with her emotions. That said, if you truly love her then fight for it. She will come around eventually, give her time and prove to her that you are not here to break her heart and that it was an honest mistake. As for the going out, having fun - she is probable trying to enjoy herself and who can blame her?? You chose not to be a part of her life when you broke up with her. She was then no longer a part of your life. Remember the old saying 'what is good for the goose is good for the gander'? Hang in there
Author Rekerdz Posted November 15, 2012 Author Posted November 15, 2012 yea i agree with u about the fact that i need to suck it up but she goes out same places as me and i can't stand seeing her around people and having fun. It's stupid it's all my fault but i guess i understand a bit how she felt when i was going out doing the same thing while she was dealing with the break up it is a **** feeling i actually went out once same place as her but had couple of drinks and kinda fought with her as if i still dated her and ruined her night which made things worse but she still talks to me which is weird and she tells me she still loves me and that maybe this is a phase for her where she doesn't want to stress about relationship problems especially after the fight we had i guess i'll just let her have her time and like KNJ is saying i need to understand what i did to her nd that i deserve to suffer a bit like she did but yea i'll work on proving her i wont break her heart again. it's pain in the ass it's what i think of all the time i keep checking her facebook trying to see who she talks to who she hangs out with what she does it's nonstop maybe i need to do my own thing and at the same time slowly try work things out i dnt know. Other than that we go out same places same crowd nd i cant control myself when i see her i either stare or make sure no one approaches her nd all that stuff as if she's my girl so what the hell should i do sit at home do nothing. yea i broke up with her cz i thought i needed to be single that it's best for me to be on my own so i can enjoy life do new things i dnt know i guess i just needed space i should've done that but i just told her its over nd i dont love her anymore i ****ed it up and its all cz me and my stupid thoughts thinking single is the way to be i tried it for 3 months nd realized its not what i want it was a stupid decision i'll accept it if i lose her its my fault but at least i have to try to get her back
Author Rekerdz Posted November 15, 2012 Author Posted November 15, 2012 you kind of need to suck it up and deal with her going out. you dumped her 3 months ago because you wanted to be single, so you don't have any right to be upset with her wanting to be single right now. but, when someone is saying they want "space" it means that they are likely interested in someone else, and now she's going to keep you on the backburner. yea i agree with u about the fact that i need to suck it up but she goes out same places as me and i can't stand seeing her around people and having fun. It's stupid it's all my fault but i guess i understand a bit how she felt when i was going out doing the same thing while she was dealing with the break up it is a **** feeling i actually went out once same place as her but had couple of drinks and kinda fought with her as if i still dated her and ruined her night which made things worse but she still talks to me which is weird and she tells me she still loves me and that maybe this is a phase for her where she doesn't want to stress about relationship problems especially after the fight we had so yea alot happened but i guess i'll giver time nd see where it goes
KNJ Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 Well did you feel at the time you didn't love her?? How old are you and how old is she?? Sometimes age matters because if you are young, and you like to go out and be 'free' then that might be the reason why she isn't coming running to you. I don't think most girls would after a break up like this. Remember you broke her heart. She is now giving you a hard time. She does love you and want to be with you, but patience is a virtue. If she definitely is the right person, then wait for her. Also, is there really no where else you can go apart from the same clubs/bars as her?? It is not healthy to be checking up on each other, not even if you were in a relationship. Take her off your newsfeed on FB, as it won't be doing you any favours either. If you are trying to take time out and focus on you, which you kind of have to now since she aint coming running to you, the last thing you want to be doing is 'stalking' her. If you love her you should trust her, unless you have reasons not to. Show her how you really care and love her by giving her space. Don't forget she is playing mind games as well. Don't fall for it, love is not about tactics and mind games, but you got to give each other space.
Delicate Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 i've been with my gf for 3 years until i decided i don't want to be in a relationship anymore i broke her heart nd really hurt her but then 3 months after the break up i realize i made a big mistake so i decided to try and work things out but she tells me she wants to be alone have some space and have some time for herself without any relationship issues but she tells me she still loves me and doesn't want to lose me so right now i don't know what to do and it's hard for me to just sit around and be ok with her going out and having fun when im not included in her life so anyone has any ideas on what i should do? Just curious. What was it that made you want her back? NC?
Author Rekerdz Posted November 16, 2012 Author Posted November 16, 2012 Well did you feel at the time you didn't love her?? How old are you and how old is she?? Sometimes age matters because if you are young, and you like to go out and be 'free' then that might be the reason why she isn't coming running to you. I don't think most girls would after a break up like this. Remember you broke her heart. She is now giving you a hard time. She does love you and want to be with you, but patience is a virtue. If she definitely is the right person, then wait for her. Also, is there really no where else you can go apart from the same clubs/bars as her?? It is not healthy to be checking up on each other, not even if you were in a relationship. Take her off your newsfeed on FB, as it won't be doing you any favours either. If you are trying to take time out and focus on you, which you kind of have to now since she aint coming running to you, the last thing you want to be doing is 'stalking' her. If you love her you should trust her, unless you have reasons not to. Show her how you really care and love her by giving her space. Don't forget she is playing mind games as well. Don't fall for it, love is not about tactics and mind games, but you got to give each other space. im 24 shes 23 bt yea its not that easy being in the same place im actually not going to a party tonight just cz she thinks im gona ruin her night again so yea im gona do the whole give her space thing i was thinking of blocking her off facebook so i dnt stress out on what she's doing or is that a bad idea?
Author Rekerdz Posted November 16, 2012 Author Posted November 16, 2012 Just curious. What was it that made you want her back? NC? i kinda got bored of being single and realized i do miss her but it all hit me when i started to see her doing well and me not being part of her life. The 3 months she was running after me nd i was treating her like **** now its the opposite she's not treating me like **** like i did bt she's not as nice as she used to and i am the one kinda going after her which is stupid. The 3 months she begged me to take her back and i told her i didn't want anything to do with her so i dont know if i do want her back or is it just the fact she doesn't need me anymore is driving me crazy but i feel like **** the past couple days and depressed cn't easily sleep so i dnt know am i hurt or am i just convincing myself i am it's really confusing cz i hate it when she's around people going out and doing her own thing so a bit lost here
mano Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 well, m bf did the same thing, kinda wanted to be single, didn't give damn about me, i pleaded i cried n all. u r doing exactly the same thing like my bf, as long as i kept assuring him i love him he didn't care but when i stopped being too nice to him n started having fun with others, its driving him crazy. and i have asked for space since i had been dealing with alot n now kinda need to fix my own life n relax a lil too. i am sure u gonna be doing the same thing again when she is back n confesses her love to you like before. u r just getting jealous to see her doing so well without you n not needing u like before, that girl is really hurt n she had a hard time . just let her be on her own n remain patient. u kinda deserve this. i just hope u don't do the same thing to her again
TheFinalWord Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 Just my two cents, You are more in-love with the convenience of having a gf than with her. You need to get a new routine and distance yourself from her. Give her a chance to miss you and you her. Every time you see her, stalk her FB, talk to her, you are hitting re-set on the healing. You broke up for a reason. You both need some space to figure out exactly what you want. A few months of no contact and healing you may realize that your initial decision to break up was correct. But it's hard to come to that conclusion when you see her out, think about her with other guys, continue to talk to her. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be and you two will reconcile. But right now she has all the power and seeing you all the time isn't giving her the chance to miss you and think clearly. My 2 cents, back off, find a new routine. Yes, block her on FB. Maybe send her a note and tell her it's not out of anger but you both need space or whatever. All the best. PS: 23 and 24, you're both really young.
Author Rekerdz Posted November 16, 2012 Author Posted November 16, 2012 well, m bf did the same thing, kinda wanted to be single, didn't give damn about me, i pleaded i cried n all. u r doing exactly the same thing like my bf, as long as i kept assuring him i love him he didn't care but when i stopped being too nice to him n started having fun with others, its driving him crazy. and i have asked for space since i had been dealing with alot n now kinda need to fix my own life n relax a lil too. i am sure u gonna be doing the same thing again when she is back n confesses her love to you like before. u r just getting jealous to see her doing so well without you n not needing u like before, that girl is really hurt n she had a hard time . just let her be on her own n remain patient. u kinda deserve this. i just hope u don't do the same thing to her again Yea that sounds about the same but i don't think im gona hurt her again im feeling a bit down the past couple of days nd im sure its not even close to what she felt that's why im not really intending to put her through that again. i agree with you about giving her space but unfortunately we sometimes end up same place and i find it really hard to control myself and not go lecture her or something she even tells me not to go to the same places as her so i dnt ruin her night it kinda sucks hearing that from her plus im not gona sit at home or do something i dnt want to cz shes going to the same club i really hav no idea what to but im gona try stay out of her way as much as possible yet i wana be able to go out nd hav its just sucks cz shes event organizer so at every party
Author Rekerdz Posted November 16, 2012 Author Posted November 16, 2012 Just my two cents, You are more in-love with the convenience of having a gf than with her. You need to get a new routine and distance yourself from her. Give her a chance to miss you and you her. Every time you see her, stalk her FB, talk to her, you are hitting re-set on the healing. You broke up for a reason. You both need some space to figure out exactly what you want. A few months of no contact and healing you may realize that your initial decision to break up was correct. But it's hard to come to that conclusion when you see her out, think about her with other guys, continue to talk to her. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be and you two will reconcile. But right now she has all the power and seeing you all the time isn't giving her the chance to miss you and think clearly. My 2 cents, back off, find a new routine. Yes, block her on FB. Maybe send her a note and tell her it's not out of anger but you both need space or whatever. All the best. PS: 23 and 24, you're both really young. i really am trying to stay out of here away but shes everywhere she posts stuff everyday on her facebook and seeing her doing well kinda feels weird so i don't know but i came to a conclusion im going to stop communicating through facebook and most probably gona block her but i agree with you i'll back off do my own thing, i really want to send her a message telling her we need space and block her but i really dnt have the will to do it its big step for me not talking to her at all and not knowing what's going on with her life?! plus she tells me she still checks my profile everyday maybe to comfort herself that im not doing anything or talking to girls or anything like that maybe keeping her on facebook and talking every now and then helps her to see that theres hope in us getting back together what do you think? but yea sometimes i believe if it's meant to be its meant to be so i just message her tell her that, that i will give her space and if it's meant to work out we'll eventually get to fix it later on and if not then it's not i just hope by that time and after giving her space we're both over each other and no one is hurting so we can move on with our lives 1
Author Rekerdz Posted November 17, 2012 Author Posted November 17, 2012 ok so she called today we had a nice long conversation about her day her work and stuff so i dnt know if that means she still wants to try to work out? she just said sometimes people need to talk which is ok but why me is that a sign that things might work out after i give her space! i was also too nice but again i am the one who ****ed her over so should i stay like that or be normal and stop being that nice?
mano Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 yea just b polite but don't be a doormat for for her, u need to focus on your life too, give her some space n in the meantime u do own stuff too. she talked to u because she doesn't really wants to end, she told u she still loves u right?? just give it a months do keep some contact and see how it goes, if both got feelings then there isn't really a need to breakup. she is kinda doing the same to u, probably wants u to see what she has gone through.
Author Rekerdz Posted November 17, 2012 Author Posted November 17, 2012 yea just b polite but don't be a doormat for for her, u need to focus on your life too, give her some space n in the meantime u do own stuff too. she talked to u because she doesn't really wants to end, she told u she still loves u right?? just give it a months do keep some contact and see how it goes, if both got feelings then there isn't really a need to breakup. she is kinda doing the same to u, probably wants u to see what she has gone through. yea i agree with you being too nice isn't gona help much, i'll just give her her space and see what happens plus she did say she still loves me so that's a good thing. It does feel sometimes like shes trying to teach me a lesson just so i understand what she went through hopefully with time she'll start trusting me again and maybe giving me another chance. i'll do my own thing, have minimal contact and see how it goes i really appreciate the advice thanks Mano
flitzanu Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 ok so she called today we had a nice long conversation about her day her work and stuff so i dnt know if that means she still wants to try to work out? she just said sometimes people need to talk which is ok but why me is that a sign that things might work out after i give her space! i was also too nice but again i am the one who ****ed her over so should i stay like that or be normal and stop being that nice? someone calling and talking about work has no bearing on getting back together or "working things out". 1
Author Rekerdz Posted November 28, 2012 Author Posted November 28, 2012 so i blocked my ex from facebook after telling her that i am only doing this because checkin her facebook isn't helping me with the whole space thing soi blocked her on monday and thinking of keeping her blocked till after the weekend then unblock her without adding her as a friend and sending her this message: "Look I am sorry about the block I just wanted to think things through, I know I’ve been acting all weird the past couple of weeks but I finally have come to my senses and I accept the consequences of what I have done. From what I see you are moving on with your life and I understand that so I will let you do your own thing and I’ll stop getting in the way plus I want you to be happy I really do. As for me I am done with all this temper emotional issues and everything related to it which is for the best and I am happy I am over it. If it’s meant to be it’s meant to be and someday we will reconcile and be normal together. If it’s not meant to be it’s not meant to be and we’ll both end up doing our own thing and hopefully be happy doing it. So no more stress or worries and when the time is right we will be normal around each other and hopefully there won’t be any hard feelings or awkwardness between us. We both need this and you definitely need it more than me so yea take care yourself and I’ll see you when I see you" any ideas if this is good or not?
Author Rekerdz Posted November 28, 2012 Author Posted November 28, 2012 i am trying to show her that i am kinda moving on so she can actually start giving me attention and realize that she actually might lose me, right now she seems to be doing ok and not thinking about us that's why i wana give her space to think things through but i just needed to know if i should unblock her to show her im actually doing fine and don't need to block her or anything and then i send her this message and whenever i see her anywhere i just put a fake smile nd pretend im happy and everything is fine hopefully that should start messing with her head and start thinking of wanting to get back together because thats what happened with me when i started to see her all happy and doing ok it drove me nuts and made me want her more so maybe this whole showing her im doing fine and moving on with my life might work
flitzanu Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 no. none of what you said. you don't block and unblock and message apologizing for it. you're trying to draw attention to your actions, and that is never going to work. stop doing what you think she will appreciate or notice, do what is good for YOU and YOU ALONE. block her becuase you don't need to see her page, not because you are trying to "prove a point". 1
Author Rekerdz Posted November 28, 2012 Author Posted November 28, 2012 no. none of what you said. you don't block and unblock and message apologizing for it. you're trying to draw attention to your actions, and that is never going to work. stop doing what you think she will appreciate or notice, do what is good for YOU and YOU ALONE. block her becuase you don't need to see her page, not because you are trying to "prove a point". i think i made it worse i just called her because one of my friends saw pictures of her with a guy yea so i called nd told her to be honest and tell me if shes hookin up or not and she said she's not even ready for any of that so watev i unblocked her and left it at that i didnt add her back as a friend and im cutting contact with her i sort of make bad decisions but watev too late to change anything so im guessing all i do now if get on with my life
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