LD Relationship Progression, how to create a deeper connection

[CherryT]

Hi!

 

I'm wanting to get some insight to couples who have been dating for 5+ months. My BF and I have only been dating for about 5 months... we didn't know each other before we started dating. We met, the chemistry was great, and that's that. This has been the longest time we've been a part (7 weeks). We usually see each other every 3-4 weeks. Maybe it's the added weeks that have us in a funk. We use to message each other all day, throughout work, and then of course at night. Now I think because we're getting to know each other better and getting more comfortable the texting (during the day) has slowed down. We would talk in the morning briefly and then resume to normal in the evening. I can't help but have my mind wander during those few hour breaks. I know I'm probably being needy because it's not the 24/7 communication we use to have. Why should I expect that much communication? We won't have anything to talk about later on in the evening when we're not distracted. Which is like most relationships. When he's in town or I'm in town, that's when we get into our deepest conversation. We just lay there, staring at each other, and talk candidly. We don't do that as much over the phone or skype for some reason.

 

I know with men, they show their love through actions. I'm a strong communicator, maybe too much so. I wrote in the self-improvement section that I am trying to get over insecurities of my last relationship. My ex cheated on me and I'm afraid of giving my all when someone is willing to give up so easily on me/us. It's been difficult because I've realized that I've started to hold onto the sweet words he says and almost want the mushy gushy talk ALL the time (which is CRAZY). I've come a long way since then... I stopped feeling as down. He's never seen it, but I'm working through it on my own.

 

How do you create more meaningful conversations during your time apart? The mushy gushy stuff doesn't always have to be there, but I want to be able to have those deep conversations once in awhile, just to feel emotionally connected to him when we wait those few weeks. This is my first LD relationship and I find that you're more intune with your thoughts... the progression of a relationship is much more apparent then when you're with someone in person and all of a sudden you've been dating for 10 months.

Edited November 15, 2012 by CherryT

[tulladi]

I've been dating my boyfriend for one year and seven months now, and we have been on a long-distance relationship for the last 3 months. It's really hard, because like you said, men show their love through actions, and my boyfriend REALLY is a man of few words. When he's here he's so cuddly that I don't mind doing all the talking, and he doesn't mind me babbling on (or so it seems).

 

The first couple of weeks after he left (he's in the military) he was having a really hard time and he texted me all the time saying how much he missed me and that he had no idea how to spend this much time away from me. And even though I felt so bad for him and my heart broke in half, it felt good to hear him say how much he needed me!

 

Of course, now he's gotten used to his new life, and I've gotten used to mine. Sometimes I miss all the words and the reassurance, and the "love you"s and "miss you"s can seem almost robotic at times but seriously, I just had to get over it, and I think you have to too. And I'm sure you already know that. And it's not easy, but if you convince yourself you don't NEED the contact and the reassurance all the time, you're going to feel a lot more sure of yourself. But I guess you already know that too, because you said you have been working on yourself already. So you're on the right track!

 

As for the deep meaningful conversations, I think we've had one, and it was only a week ago or something. We weren't trying for it, I was just really down because I missed him, and I started talking about everything that was unfair in the world, mainly to make our problem seem smaller, and then we had this huge discussion on world problems and poverty and greed and what's fair and unfair in the world. I think we talked for two and a half hours, and that's insane, because usually he just has about 45 minutes to spare for me.

 

Wow, I think I babbled now, and I'm sorry if this didn't answer your question at all. But yeah, my mantras are, be patient and don't expect too much. There's a reason you're together!!